Is this right?

Question

My friend is getting married soon and she has decided that she will not allow anyone to bring dates ("why should i pay for someone eating and drinking, that I don't know"). She is making invitations for each indivdual person (some households will recieve 4 or more invitations). Is this right or do you think she will get a lot of single people declining to come to her wedding?

It's not that i want to bring someone I have a husband so he's invited and I'm in her wedding party, I just wanted to know what people thought b/c I had never heard of someone doing this. I'm afraid she is going to be dissapointed with the rsvp's she gets because she is not letting even single people in her family bring anyone and most are from out of town and don't really know anyone but her and her parents.

Her parents and his parents are paying for almost everything. They only have to incure the costs for their wedding party gifts and his Tux.

Answer 1

ok...people really need to stop with the "its her wedding and she can do what she wants thing." yeah I married too and I still considered my guests feelings over my own. inviting people to a wedding its dont them any favours. it actaully costs them money to come...outfit, travel, gift...not allowing anyone to bring a date is just rude, especailly if they are travelling from out of town, alone to go to this wedding. All my friends were allowed to bring someone if they wanted. if its a family being invited then thats another story, but inviting a songle person who deosnt really know anyone else is just dumb. and to send 4 invites to a household? ok...the money should could save in invites could feed some more guests. I think that this person is trying to say it she will be disappointed when people decline the invite and wonder why. if she wants to be Bridezilla let her go ahead, but tell her its her own fault in the end.

Answer 2

If it's what the bride wants, then it's right. I don't know if you've planned a wedding, but it's really hard to make all the decisions and then have people talk about your decisions behind your back and say how wrong they are. I definitely see a disconnect between saving money on extra guests and spending extra money on individual invitations, but it is a small difference. Hopefully a lot of her invited guest know each other and it won't be awkward without dates.

Answer 3

Most single people will understand and will still come. When it comes to the date being a husband or wife or long time mate - there she might have a problem but even then: The important ones will come regardless and will understand that it is very expensive to feed everyone that wants to come and their families. I rreally dont think she will have a problem excpet it doesnt matter who she makes the invite out to - some people will assume they can bring a date and will bring one.. same thing goes for kids.

Answer 4

A wedding is a celebration, not a transaction, and the first failing is hers for not realizing that. She isn't "paying" for someone else's entertainment but throwing a party to celebrate the start of the next chapter in her life (and, by the way, it shouldn't be her money but her parents', provided this is her first marriage). She should make every effort to see that those who want to celebrate with her are as comfortable as possible, and if that means bringing a date, then so be it.

Personally, I am offended when I am not invited to bring a date to a wedding, especially family weddings when the only people I will know there are over sixty. If your friend is old enough or cool enough to be getting married, her friends are old enough to have boyfriends. I find it even more offensive, however, when the bride and groom choose to invite only those dates who are in "long-term" relationships to bring dates, since it is then they who are deciding what relationships are legitimate.

As a single person, I would still go to the wedding, but it would (and does) color my opinion of the couple when they play pick-and-choose within households and couples.

Answer 5

I don't think people should assume that they can bring a date, it is rude to bring someone that was not invited and she's right, she shouldn't have to pay. However, she should invite people who are in long term relationships (a year or more). A wedding is for friends and families, not dates.

Answer 6

I did not invite single guests with a date if they were not engaged or in a long term relationship. The only exception I made was for one friend who was traveling from out of town and she was staying with a friend who lived in the area so when she asked if her friend could come, I said fine. The other exception was for a single friend who was in poor health and needed someone to drive her to the wedding, so I allowed her to bring a friend. Other than that, none of my other single friends who were not involved were invited with a guest; none of them had a problem with it and they all came and had a great time. Not only are weddings costly but they should be shared with close family and friends, so I don't think anything is wrong with not inviting guests with dates if they aren't in a serious relationship.

Answer 7

I think it's her wedding, and she is the one paying for the costs, so it should be her decision. I wouldn't be surprised if some people choose not to attend because of this, but hey- what can you do? It'll affect her wedding and nothing else. If she is fine with that, so be it.

I do think making several invitations for the same household is overkill. One invitation per household with each guest's name on it would be fine.

Answer 8

If its what the bride and groom wants then it is right and people should respect that.

I don't think she'll get a lot of single people declining but she might have some married/engaged couples declining if the other half is not invited.

Answer 9

There are a lot of people that don't allow dates. It usually comes down to cost. I think its weird that she will send one household 4 invites. She's going a little overboard! But some brides do that!!!!

Answer 10

I wish her luck with responses my daughter married on September 16th and we had about 40 people in state who did not return responses, and another 20 people from out of state that we knew couldn't make it, and I am making calls for my son's wedding April 7th tonight as we have about 20 people from just our side that did not return response cards and they got just one per household. It is also alot more postage that way.