i've been together with a man in a long distance relationship for over a year. He's nice, sweet, caring (the quintessential nice guy) but has a tendency to take things too easy i'm afraid. I on the other side am an extremely hard working woman. We both are divorced, but he went to live with his mom after his divorce left him depressed and broke. It's been 2 years now and he hasn't moved a finger in order to find a place for himself. He doesn't have a car, and lives by a string of part-time jobs. When he has time on his hands, he takes naps. He doesn't care about hitting 40 this year. He just wants to take it easy. Now, is this guy depressed? Could he be on drugs? Isn't 2 years way over average time to get back on your feet?
We decided to get together this summer, but i'm thinking it might not be worth it.
2007-03-14 10:13:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i met him in peron and then we started chatting and emailing, but he was not like that when we met.
2007-03-14 10:24:37 · update #1
It does sound like he has some depression going on, however from reading your question I tend to think his depression could be being added to with some drugs (namely pot). I'm the same age, went through the same thing and it did take some time to get back on my feet (6 months) and no guy our age wants to live with mommy unless mommy has a huge house with a guest house type thing going on. i strongly suggest getting very blunt with this guy and letting him know what your expectations are and how soon you expect them to be met.
2007-03-15 02:26:55 · answer #1 · answered by Quix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really seems he needs someone to take care of him much like his mother did before he got married...which is why he went back there and never left to find something better.
while ive never been married, i could imagine the toll something like a divorce can do to a person. but 2 years should be a sufficient enuff time to piece ur life back together, save some money and find a place of ur own.
if u still love the guy and want to be with him, u gotta support him (emotionally...not necessarily financially) but at the same time motivate him to go on with his life and that his situation is not only unhealthy but unacceptable for u.
if he doesnt see anything wrong or doesnt want to change...cut ur losses.
2007-03-14 17:32:48 · answer #2 · answered by carlos l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a chance you could speaking across each other? That is your words are relating to different concepts. He sounds disillusioned, not depressed.
The forties are usually the peak time in peoples lives.
If all he can do is part time work, then you have to ask yourself why. If it's due to some nervous condition that is being medicated then you have to consider that in determining your choice.
You could just pay for a background check.
Clearly you need to know more about him before summer.
2007-03-14 17:35:34 · answer #3 · answered by Wonka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your guy's name Bill? If so I know him. If not he has a twin out there.
Everything you've described are signs of clinical depression. My friend has actually been like that for seven years and isn't showiing signs of improvement. He's been through 4 or 5 "friends", living with them contributing little in the way of cash. Finally the grils wise up and kick his *** out the door and off to Mom's he goes. Do yourself a favor, don't get involved.
2007-03-14 17:22:35 · answer #4 · answered by Ooh, Ooh pick me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have no real commitment to this man, it doesn't sound like you should start any... some people reach a stage in life where you can't try to rehabilitate everyone that needs help, because you'll end up losing more and more of yourself... unless you find joy in that type of thing, you may want to consider just remaining friends.
2007-03-14 17:22:58 · answer #5 · answered by ragefury 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been in a relationship with a man that you DON'T KNOW for over a year. If you were close to him, then you'd know what was going on in his head, and you'd influence him to get on with his life. If you ask me, you're wasting your time.
2007-03-14 17:19:48 · answer #6 · answered by King Louis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he needs a good influence in his life like yourself to help him get motivated to find some self worth that he obviously lost in his divorce
2007-03-14 17:18:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that's your picture...you totally hot and should be with someone who has some ambition and lives near you...move on
2007-03-14 17:17:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋