Is it okay to put the woman invitee's name first on a wedding invitation?

Question

I know that wedding invitations are generally formal and traditional. We are having a semi-formal wedding. However, there are several couples we are inviting, in which I am good friends with the woman and have only met the man in passing (if at all). Would it be okay for me to put the female's name first, especially if they are unmarried?

(I am not putting "and guest" if I know the man's name. That just seems rude. :-) )

I am only inviting boyfriends/girlfriends of my friends who are in long term relationships. We can't afford to give everyone an "and guest." :-)

Sorry about the 2 edits...

I am making my own cards, not having them made for me.

Answer 1

I am doing the same!! I think most people do it that way.... and besides only woman notice that type of things on invites anyways!!

Answer 2

First of all, call a wedding planner, or a card shop and ask what the RULES are. Then break them if you want to.
My advice is to put the names in formal order- Man first-then woman, whether you know either one better. Just like you would put your (new) Uncle first even if you liked your Aunt more.
Or knew she had just married some guy name Bill.
It feels to me like it is a contest to see who you like better, instead of an invitation to a party.
Mr. George Smith and Dr. Wanda Johnson.
Mr. and Mrs. Fred Wilson
Mark and Mary Schmidt.
Mr. Bob and Reverend May Noodleman.
Sometime you can use Rev. May and Mr. Bob -depends.
Ms. Cindy Grumb and Guest
Mr. GM Letterbough and Guest
Roscoe Bumpus and Sally Shell

Answer 3

Believe it or not, there's very specific etiquette regarding this. If the couple is married, the man's name comes first. If they are NOT married, their names should appear on separate lines, in alphabetical order. Same thing if they ARE married but have different last names.

That said, I know this is ridiculously complicated and old-fashioned. I am a professional wedding invitation designer, and I tell all my clients, "As long as you know what the rules ARE, feel free to break them if they don't make sense to you."

And you're absolutely correct that "and guest" should not be used. It's not that difficult to find out the names of people's dates.

Answer 4

"And Guest" should actually NEVER be used. You need to find out the person's name at all times.

If the people you are inviting are not married, the names go on two different lines (on same line and joined by AND means they are married). Woman always goes first if they are not married. Woman also always goes first if she does not share husband's last name.

Mr. and Mrs. John Jones-- married

Ms. Sally Smith
Mr. Thomas Adams -- not married but dating steadily or living together.

Ms. Jean Arnold and Mr. John Jones-- married but not same last name

There is actually no such thing as semi-formal. There is formal (white tie OR black tie), informal, and casual.

Answer 5

For married people, and you are using their first name on the inside envelope, you are suppose to write Mary and John Doe. When you are keeping it formal, it's Mr. & Mrs. For singles you use both their names on the outside envelope as on the first line, Ms. Mary Canary - 2nd line Mr. Dwayne Wayne and the 3rd line, go on with their address. (That's if they are living together.)On the inside envelope, again, use the female's name first and then his. If they are not living together, then mail the invite to whom ever you are close to and then just write the other person's name on the inside envelope. I suppose the very correct way would be to mail both of them a separate invite, but don't you think that would get confusing with the RSVP's?

Answer 6

I don't see why not. I always address invitations, holiday cards, thank you cards and such by putting the name of the person I know better first. In the case of my female friends, it happens to be the woman. Where I grew up, it is customary to always put the woman's name first (i.e., I was always taught to write "Dear Auntie X and Uncle Y"), so it has never occured to me that the man's name *must* always go first. It's flexible - go with your gut!

And congrats.

Answer 7

For the couples that are casually dating, put the girls name and put guest. It is very appropriate and good etiquette. Because how would you know if she is going to continue to see this guy right up to your wedding day? For committed couples, put girls name and her boyfriend's name right underneath.

Answer 8

I've always been told to never seperate a man from his last name...that could be wrong, but I put all the women invitees frist on my invitations.

Answer 9

If they have been in a long term relationship you are suppose to put both their names on the address and they should be in alpha order. We had a lot of unmarried friends...

Answer 10

Actually, if you are not referring to a Mr. & Mrs., then you're supposed to put the woman's name first:

Miss (or Ms.) Jane Smith
Mr. Joe Doe