Is it wrong to go out with friends more often than spending time with my girlfriend?

Question

OK, here's the situation. I used to turn down most invitations, because when I would ask my girl to go with me, she never wanted to go (she is shy). Well, I've come to realize she has no intentions of making any attempts to get over her issues, and we always fight about the fact that she doesn't want to know the people in my life. Me and my cousins made plans to go to Big Bear over a weekend, but for her a trip like that with strangers would be quite uncomfortable. If she took the time to get to know them in the beginning of the relationship, it wouldn't be so uncomfortable. So my options are to a) go without her, or b) skip out on trips. Anyways, after she turned that invite down, I promised I would never turn an invite to go out with friends or family again. I will always ask if she wants to go, so far, she still always rejects my invitations. Now, she is mad at me because I spend more time with friends than with her, and that's not the way a relationship should be.

Please, I don't want any kiss *** answers, or people siding with me, just because they want 10 points. I want REAL answers only, I want to fix the situation. Thanks!

Let me post her side of the story.. She say's that I am planning things without her. Everytime she makes plans with friends, she finds out if I want to go first, before making a decision. Well, I never turn an invite down. She say's it's easier for me, because when I'm with her friends it's only a few of them at a time... Well, I would go even if there was 15 of them. I don't go out with my friends or my cousins unless it's in a big crowd.. But I will stick with her, the entire time... I just want her there with me, trying to get to know them.

Answer 1

I understand what you mean, had a friend who went through the same thing.

I would say to continue to do things with your friends, do continue to invite her also, but if she doesn't want to come spend time with you when you invite her to, she has no right to complain about her not getting enough time with you.

Now if you forsake all your 'alone' time for her and spend it with friends, she would have a point. But you are trying to involve her in things you like/want to do and if she doesn't want to be a part then you can't make her.

I have seen/heard many an argument on this very topic. My friend finally ended up ending the relationship they were in because the other person spent 'far too much time with their friends'.

I am still friends with both of these people, and the one who had forced her friend (or tried to force) to give up their friends and only spend time with her has now done a complete 180, for now she knows the value of friends and would never forbid someone from spending time with friends.

I don't know if this has helped at all, but that's my experience with it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Adam? Sorry but yesterday I was at my friend's house and she came home crying because her boyfriend was spending way too much time with his friends and not any time with her. So instead of saying something to him to she came home and cried to her family. But I think this situation is a little different because in this story they're getting married in two days, which I think is complete bs because that ***hole makes her cry every d*** day. How old are you that might make a difference too. How much do you love her that makes a difference too. If it's a not so much thing then do whatever the h*** you want and maybe you should talk to your friends and tell them to be careful what they say around her because she's shy and then introduce them. And try and balance it out say no to your friends every once and a while just to show her you still care and continue to ask her to come along she might finally come to her senses or give in. ~LOVE good luck

Answer 3

Well the two of you sound mismatched. You are apparently very social and outgoing, and she is not. You are just dating, not in a committed marriage, so I believe that this is the time when you live for YOURSELF....because once you settle down and have kids, the responsibilities should be more important than your fun. I say, you need to explain yourself to her, that it's not that you want to spend less time with her, because you invite her every time, but that you have decided NOT to miss out and lose friendships over her shyness. So then the ball is in her hands. I do not believe there is an easy FIX or even a FIX....she's shy, you are outgoing, one or both of you either has to compromise or be unhappy.

Answer 4

I think that the problem that needs to be fixed is her shyness. She has a lot of insecurities and fears its sounds like and they are the issue that is not being addressed. You are doing the right thing by inviting her, but her continuing on with her fears is going to be the demise of this relationship. Sounds as though she really needs counseling. She has to overcome them or she will miss out on meeting a lot of great people in her life. You two seem fairly young, but this is something she probably had her whole life that was never taken care of. Avoiding people in an entire world full of people is an extreme phobia. It almost sounds like Agoraphobia, which I myself had at one time. It took lots of counseling, though I am no social butterfly, I can actually deal with the outside world now and look them in the face. As for you, I agree that you shouldnt give up your life and chances to have fun, but you should suggest the counseling and be supportive about it with her. I wish you luck because it isnt as simple as shyness.

Answer 5

Although opposites attract sometimes it makes people grow apart. I think that if she is always uncomfortable around other people and rejects you invites you should go out without her. Having a girlfriend doesnt mean you stop your life and forget your friends. If she wants to be with you she has to compromise and go out sometimes. But honestly It doesnt sound like your relationship will work because she is trying to make you feel guilty for having a life that involves people other than her and thats not healthy or fun. One of you will get tired of this... So I dont think you are worng you would be wrong if you never invited her to go out with you and your buddies. Family and friends will always be there for you a romantic partner is not guaranteed for life

Answer 6

No it's not wrong but you have to find a compromise and balance between friends and girlfriend and that may involve turning down some invites. You need to take into consideration that your girfriend may not even be shy. She may be an Introvert and Introvert and Shy are not synonyms. If she's an introvert you need to learn about introversion and see if you can handle the Introverts energy use and recharge process, how we go about relationships with other, and how differently we view the "friends" subject. MAny other aspects of introverts to learn about to. Other people wear us introverts out and drain our energy. The things you mention makes introverts cringe!

If you can't find the balance and understand her introversion(if she is introverted) then you can count on her exiting your life whether by her choice or yours.

Answer 7

What u need to do is sit down and talk to her tell her she is one part of Ur live and that u want her to share the hole thing. Just like she want u to spend time with her family and friends she should do the same. Tell her that u felt the same way when u met her family and friends.

Then tell her how much fun it is when u spend time with her. One thing its cool to b with Ur boy, but sometimes u need time with her.
Let her express how she feels and go from there. Ask her to go with u this week end. Even if u r with Ur boy show her she is more important, but not to much.
I hope this help u.

Answer 8

if you are really interested in sharing your life with someone, you have to be interested in all aspects of it. its important to have someone that you can enjoy doing things you like doing with, even if its spending time with your friends. this should be mutual. if your girlfriend is not willing to go the extra mile to take a further interest in your life, it is her loss. though it is important to spend one on one time together, and often, its also important to have personal time as well. your girlfriend has no right to get mad if you invite her to things and she declines. you also have to put in effort to do the same for her, like go out with her friends. maybe she has an issue with a certain person, if so, tell her to be real and try to work something out. having a girlfriend means making sacrifices, but so does having a boyfriend. i say 50 percent her 50 percent guys. good luck in life and love!

Answer 9

is her shyness really an "issue", I mean does he have like social anxiety or something? If not, I'd reevaluate why I'm even with her. If she shows not interest in the socializing with the people in my life, what alternatives is she offering?? I mean, does she make you hang with her friends or does she just want to hang around and stare are you all day?? Does she have any other plans for socializing? Does she just plain ol' not like your friends? Is it a money issue? I dont know, this seems wierd.

Answer 10

Dude, first off, spend more time with her if you really are interested in her. That should be a no brainer. Second, talk to her and find out why she doesn't want to meet your friends. Perhaps she feels your friends aren't the type she wants to be around (especially if the guys you are around are loud and obnoxious).

The key to a good relationship is communication, son. The sooner you find that out, the better.