Wife cheated...said the relationship was because I was not appreciative of her, no attention from me etc...I spoke to the guys she cheated with, he told me that he did not want to cheat with her at first, but did...he also told me how much she wanted me and loved me and how good our sex was etc...he also to me that he could tell she was not the type to be out in the streets cheating, but was really wanting her husband and just made a mistake by cheating.....the guy and I had a good conversation, but should I trust my wife...I love her and want to be with her...what should I do?
2007-03-14 09:41:22 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's possible your wife isn't monogamous, by nature.
With men cheating 60% of the time and women 40%, I don't think it's for the reasons people assume (just sex or for the thrills, etc).
In fact, I assume that, contrary to social opinion, monogamy isn't normal for all people. Unfortunately, society isn't accomodating to those who want to be both honest and are not naturally monogamous. Open relationships are seriously frowned upon.
Most guys or girls don't cheat to get sex. It happens, but not to most people, IMO. Most fall into a relationship unexpectedly and only have two options they see open to them. Leave the new relationship, which is brutally difficult, or cheat. Society has shown them only those two choices.
I am polyamorous. I am very open about my feelings and non-monogamous nature. I always make certain everyone involved is aware and OK before I enter into a relationship (their significant other, if they have one, and my wife). Though sex is a component of these romantic relationships, it's no different than anyone with a girlfriend or wife. They are long term and very loving relationships.
I've always wondered why people find cheating (breaking the rules) more acceptable than open and honest non-monogamy.
What should you do? I don't know.
First and foremost, talk with your wife. Talk with her a lot. Pay her more attention. Find out if she did this because she basically isn't monogamous, in which case you need to see if you two are both open to polyamory, or if you feel you need to leave.
Couples therapy is a good avenue to start the communication. The key is to keep talking after things seem to get better. Having good communication pathways open will help prevent things like this from happening again. And if the feelings arise, it's always better to discuss them and acknowledge them earlier, than to deal with the dishonesty and secrecy inherent in cheating.
2007-03-14 09:44:30 · answer #1 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
This is a very difficult thing to go threw, and Im very sorry to hear about it. You need to talk to your wife and not the guy she cheated on you with to find out what the problem is in your relationship. Most women cheat because they dont feel loved or needed and they cheat for that need to feel wanted. So that shoul be the first thing you address. You know your wife better that anyone so depending on how she feels and the way she is showing remorse for what she did is depending on rather or not you can trust her. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to forgive her and move on, if you dont feel like you are gonna be able to deal with this the relationship may be over, but if you really love her and cant see the rest of your life with out her than you will be able to move on and allow her to build back your trust, remember though you didnt do anything wrong, so dont let her take it out on you if you cant accept it right away, it may take a long time to see her the same way again. If she loves and is truly sorry for what she did she will understand and will wait. Hope I helped you!
2007-03-14 09:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by Stacy! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is somthing that will always be there. And you just have to think of this as a test. God gives us a test in different ways. If you love her, and think you can trust her again, then work things out with her. Dont give up the first time youtry, because the first time will always be difficult, if anything you should know that everything does work out. It might seem hard at first, but it will get easier. But on the other hand, if you dont think you can trust her again, then dont go back with her. Because if you dont have trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship. Good Luck
2007-03-14 09:47:26 · answer #3 · answered by gurl20073 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, you want to be with your wife - does she want to be with you? If she does, then you both should be checked for any STDs to make sure that neither of you are infected.
Start fresh - go out on dates (dinner, dancing, etc.), just because your married doesn't mean you have to stop those things. Try some crazy things, like doing it in the back seat of your car after dancing. In other words, put some spark back into your life.
Remember LIFE IS TOO SHORT and YOU SHOULD LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST!
2007-03-14 09:52:43 · answer #4 · answered by Tony S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we, girls, needs to be appreciated.. we need to feel that we are loved by someone whom we love as well. and if we feel that the person we love so much dont even care to us or even ignore us, we'll feel so bad and in order for us to get through the pain, we just need a person to talk to and share the sentiments that we have.... i dont think that your wife really cheated on you. she just confided to the guy that u talked to all the feeling she had with you even the pain that u caused to her... and see?? that guy even told u how much your wife loves u.. so u might as well learn from this.... give her a chance..... and start all over again..... i understand that it will take time before u can trust her again but i know u can work for it...... remember she's not juzt a girl friend, but you are married to her..... "wedding is just for a day, but marriage is for a life time..."
2007-03-14 09:58:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would so not trust her if were you. If you don't have kids, DIVORCE! There are so many better girls out there for you. Don't let her bring you down. If you stay with her, you will just keep looking back at this and eventually you will get a divorce, so why not now. The sooner you get a divorce, the happier you will be. Sorry that your relationship had to take this turn.....
2007-03-14 09:47:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may be the first time I'd say yes you should trust her. Sounds like she really does know she made a mistake and wouldn't ever do it again. I'm guessing she now has your atttention and you're going to be giving her the attention she demands?
If so then yes trust her, because she just wanted you to appreciate her and it sounds like you do now.
2007-03-14 09:45:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, in all seriousness, that's a really tough call. I completely understand the fact that you still love her. The problem is the trust. I know I could never trust her again. Even if I said I did, in the back of my mind, anytime she went anywere I would be like, is she really going to the store?
Good luck in your decision, man!
2007-03-14 09:46:32 · answer #8 · answered by Teabone 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
go to counseling. She did something terribly wrong even if you were not paying attention to her it not right to cheat. As a women I can tell you that that might have been her way to cope and maybe it happened under circumstances that made it easier to fall into temptation. YOu should go to counseling to help express your feelings and understand why she did it. It could help both of you and save your marriage,
2007-03-14 09:47:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was not right of your wife to do that.... and as for trusting her, well she DID break it so it will take some time for her to earn that back. So that will be up to you to decide.... And if you do want to keep her, might as well pay more attention to her. However, it just doesn't make it right for her to sleep with another man. n
2007-03-14 09:46:47 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋