my daughter is overly challenging?

Question

my son is a little over four, he's sooo easy to deal with. he mellow and listens. my daughter can't seem to pay attention. youtell her to look at you and she does for just an instant and then the eye are back to wandering. she doesn't take naps well. she's constantly into mischief, and has recently got an attitude in the last month that make's me just want to almost slap her. did i mention she's turning three in a couple days.

what if she has a.d.d. they can't treat her this young. i don't want her to think i love her brother more, cus i don't. but it may appear that way just becuase i don't have to get after him as often. how do i deal with her, or get her attention without out making her repeat everything i say back to me. i;ve been trying that too and it doesn't seem to help much.

both my kids are very smart and very well behaved, call me drill sergent mom, but i can't seem to get her to focus or listen to me.

Answer 1

It's called temperament. Google it

While you are at it Google: Goodness of Fit

You've got to find a way to match your childs temperament instead of expecting her to act like her brother b/c she never will and you will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of power struggles.

Answer 2

I've found my daughter (3 1/2) to be MUCH more challenging than either of my sons (9 and 2). And each child does things in their own unique way. I believe your daughter is still in the 'terrible' phase (terrible two and threes). My daughter will be 4 in June and is just getting out of her terrible phase and is starting to help with baby brother.

Starting at 2 DD would grab what I picked out for her to wear and scream "no no no..." There have been mornings when both the hubby and I were needed to get her dressed.

My DD also does not nap well. We sometime go a day or two with out a nap and get her to bed earlier. Is this possible with her? Or would you miss out on your time when both are down? You can't give that up (yet).

If she is got too much of an attitude - put her in time out for 3 minutes (her age). Mine use to kick and scream and I told her the time does not start until she is calm. And how can such a little person get so much attitude!!!!

Also try a chart with stickers for good behavior - maybe not sleeping, but staying in bed quietly for nap time. Doing what was asked (at least by the second time), talking politely to mom and dad. After so many stickers she earns something from the dollar store.

Good luck - it's a long road.

Answer 3

Dont go for A.D.D so fast. It could just be that you daughter is overly intelligent and simply bored by almost anything. Do try out some real psychologists, ignore the ones that hurry to medication.

there can be many reasons why a child that age has problems cocnentrating. And mischief does not aply, because there is no fully formed conscience. It may look like mischief, but it is probably just experimenting.

do try to talk to your daughter like you think she would understand anything you say, challenge her with logic problems and talk about feelings a lot. And explain your feelings in a practical way, because feelings are not always transparent to other people, especially children.

What i really want to say is, before you go and try medicating your daughter, try to treat her like she is extremly intelligent and just bored. it could just be that. Of course, it is not very easy, dealing with someone intelligent at that age, bacuse the span of interest is usually very short. the only thing that works is introducing new challenges until she is old enough to be really interested in something, and able to support her own interests and for hobbies.

another helper is todo-lists in really small steps. Instead of telling your daughter "do this" and hand over one task, make several tasks out of it. so she can deal with her attention span. so "try to concentrate on this" becomes "watch this for a few seconds, try to remember what you saw, try to compare what you saw with what you see there now and look out for the hidden meaning." puzzles, magic tricks, and fast games where you have to use your whole body also often do the trick.
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It was like that with my brother, such behaviour startet out in his first year of school, and the teachers thought he's got A.D.D. After consulting many psychologists (our parents refused the idea of treatment by medication) our parents found out that he was just too intelligent and needed special tutoring and skipping the first grades of school.

Indicators of that were his ability to teach himself how to read at the age of 3 and trying to pick apart most electrical appliances in our home starting at the age of four. Smashing things against a wall were also indicators of his hightened interest in how the world functions.

i wish you the best of luck :)

Answer 4

My son was also very difficult not listening extreamly active talking back but now that he is school he is outgoing gets along great with other kids aqnd is always the leader of what ever the kids are doing I think some children just have strong personalities nothing wrong with that I would rather he be hyper and not afraid to speak up than a bump on a log who does everything they;re told I think my son will grow up to be a great leader one day and maybe your daughter will too

Answer 5

It does sound like she may have A.D.D, I was the same way as a child, and I do have A.D.D. Treating her with medications, at any age, is not such a good idea. Ritalin is a very dangerous drug, and addictive! There are many books in the self-help area of your bookstore about how to deal with ADD kids and help them and make them feel special. There is one my mother and I like that is called "You Mean I'd not Stupid?"

Answer 6

When you need her attention, get down on her level, touch her and say her name. Look her in the eye. Say, "I need your eyes" or "eyes on me." Then give your directions. If the TV is on, maybe you need to turn it off to get her to focus on you. She's only 3 - she shouldn't have a long attention span but she should be able to listen to and remember SHORT directions.

Answer 7

All I can say is to talk to your kids doc. They may have some hints on how to handle your situation.