My son is 22, never finished high school, won't get his GED, has had 2 great jobs as a heavy equipment operator, (very good at it) making really good money but lost both of them due to hanging out with his friends, coming in late to work and refusing drug test on the last one. His BF (23) comes from a wealthy family, married, 1 child and has never worked a day in his life, living off G-mother's millions, uses drugs. My son lives with him and his wife and they don't do a darn thing. I just can't accept the idea that my son won't work, never comes to see us, won't offer to help his father, but will break his neck to help his friend and his friend's father out. I am so hurt and angry at this. His father and I bust our butts working...(me-60 hours week). We've tried to set a good example for him. I just don't understand it. Yes he is his own man but I'm very upset over this. Anyone going through the same thing??
2007-03-14 09:12:25 · 10 answers · asked by luvnau 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We don't give him money, he doesn't have a key to the house, I packed his clothes up in garbage bags and put out on the carport. I just want him to be a responsible adult, work hard. I want to be proud of him sooo bad.!!
2007-03-14 09:33:48 · update #1
No I didn't work those long hours when he was younger. I did work full time but I was ALWAYS there for everything he was involved in, never missed a football game, practice, you name it, we were there to support him. I'm sure drugs is the main reason for his actions. I sacrificed alot for him. Maybe that's why it hurts soo much, cause I gave and gave and hoped to mold him in to a respectable young man. He's very courteous to everyone else and people tell us how he's such a nice young man. Talking about the same person here.....(that's what I'm thinking!!)
2007-03-14 10:40:09 · update #2
You did the best you could in raising him, now he's old enough to take care of himself. If he wants to be a jackass, that's his problem, you've done all you can do...(you're not going to change him).
2007-03-14 09:21:27 · answer #1 · answered by MIGHTY MINNIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. Sounds like drugs are part of the problem. Did you work 60 hours a week while he was growing up. He could be angry at that and maybe rebelling. He might have felt that you did not spend enough time with him while he was growing up. Before you can even work out the personal issues, he has got to get off the drugs. Maybe a drug counselor or a family intervention would help. You could also let him know that you care and if you worked too much while he was growing up, that you did not mean to upset him.
2007-03-14 09:35:11 · answer #2 · answered by BR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is going to be hard to hear, but....you have to basically cut all strings and let him go. When he sees that you are no longer actively worried about him and can get on with your lives without him...he will come back on his own. I know this is hard to believe but I did it when my daughter disappeared for 6 weeks and I spent every night driving up and down streets looking for her. After 6 weeks of searching, after posting missing posters all over 2 neighboring towns, my husband begged me to stop;saying I was not being fair to him and our younger daughter. He told me that if I quit looking for her that she would call.
I did stop looking for her (although not willingly) and 4 days after that, she called me. She wouldn't tell me where she was but at least she called. Then, 3 days after that, she called again; asked if we could meet in town and that night she moved back home. She did move out again a couple weeks later, but she moved in with my stepdaughter (from my previous marriage...she was my daughter's half sister) with my blessings, and I had a good relationship with both girls from then on.
My daughter was also on drugs and into heavy drinking.
Now, 13 years later, she is happily married (11 1/2 years) with 2 beautiful children and she has a good job that she has had for 5 years.
Good Luck!!!!
2007-03-14 11:39:13 · answer #3 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well,you certainly did the right thing by kicking him out,you can only do so much and if he doesn't want to be responsible,that will have to be his own problem. I know as his mother,the way he is living is hurting you inside but he will need to find his own way.In the end,he will see that his family have always been in his corner. There is nothing wrong with tough love.
2007-03-14 09:58:31 · answer #4 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 22, immature, and an opportunist. He won't change because there are no negative consequences thus far. He'll mature one day but until then he'll perceive your concerns as nagging. He can only mooch for so long and he'll be out on the street and realize he's gotta do for himself.
2007-03-14 09:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's gay, lazy, drug-using, and resentful of you.
Well, you have no right to demand to be "proud" of him.
Tell him you love him. Tell him you're worried about some choices he's making that you think are bad. Tell him that this worry may have exaggerated some of your own more selfish annoyances (he doesn't help you, he's not on track to give you grandkids, etc.). And then stay calm as he matures and his approach to relationships changes.
2007-03-14 10:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my son went through the same thing,he finally got into trouble and sent to a correctional facility,he had to get his ged there and when he got out he had to work or go to jail for probation viloation.he is now off probation and working very hard,buying a home and making his own way.it took the hard way for him to learn,but he is finally growing up and taking responsibilty for himself.its hard on the parents but theres nothing we can do,just hope he one day grows up and doesnt have to go to jail to learn this.godd-luck
2007-03-14 09:30:34 · answer #7 · answered by mysteria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly what your going through.my brother never worked and was on drugs real bad.when ihe was younger my grandparents spoiled him so bad.they gave him whatever he wanted.all he knew was to hustle to get whatever he wanted.nobody in our family had nothing to do with him.the only thing i can tell you is to let him know your there for him no matter what and you love him.my brother passed away in dec 2006 in a police chase.
2007-03-14 14:18:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your son is gay and lazy. Jeesh. Make sure that you dont give him any money or a place to live. He has to make his own way now. He is an adult....
2007-03-14 09:20:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother was with his son....he finally kicked him out and hasn't seen him in 3 years...sad, but my brother feels he's better rid of him..
2007-03-14 09:27:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋