Do you ever feel that you do not want to be associated with your family?

Question

I do not wish them harm but do not like being around them because of how they behave. They do not treat me nicely. When approached, they get defensive and blame this on me.

Answer 1

Are we related somehow?My brother and i are pretty close but my mother and i are'nt.She tries to make up for the last 36 years by telling me that i'm not a good mother to my 2 children.I have told her off bringing up that i'm not an alcoholic that would leave her 2 children with strangers,or out in the car while she sat at the bar and drank alnight.Yes i do want to disassociate.But the fact is that she is still my mother and there is a certain etiquette as you may as far as that is concerned.I guess we just have to distance ourselves as much as possible and hope we dont go off on them too bad one day.I feel your pain .

Answer 2

I felt exactly like that growing up. When I turned 18 I moved out of their town, and haven't really had much communication with them since. I'm 21 now and doing better than I ever did when I had them in my life. I love them because they are family but never want a relationship with any of them really....maybe my little sister. I do see my dad in the nursing home. My stress has gone done dramatically. I'm not on anti-depressants anymore. I finally realized sometimes it's the people you're around that are causing you to feel the way you feel. And its just sad when its family. Hope it works out for you! Good luck!

Answer 3

If you really want to improve things with your family then you could try not expecting anything of them but trying to be nice/loving/caring etc towards them (unconditional love). It is just a different way and a concious way of relating.

For example - next time you see or catch up with one of them
- ask how they are
- really listen to what is happening in their lives

You might be surprised that either they respond really well and in turn treat you differently
OR
they really appreciate you listening - may even have a problem in their life that they having trouble with and you have helped by being there for them.

Seeing what you can give rather than just seeing what you get or receive from life is a great way to live life. You become blessed from being a giver. Have you heard the saying "what goes around comes around?" or "treat others how you would like to be treated"

I had to do this with my sister. It took ages for us to become close again after a falling out we had. We have opposite ways - and i finally had to see her way to understand what was going on. Now i just give her her space (which is what she wants) and it was amazing when i starting listening how much stress and difficulty she is having in her life at the moment. She kept apologising for complaining about everything to me! I said i didnt mind at all - thats what family can do for each other. She has opened up and really appreciates a listening ear.

Sometimes we just expect things that our family members just cant give us. We all have our shortcomings and weaknesses. For example my Dad - he is really bad with money and he never buys presents or takes anyone out for tea or anything like that. He has borrowed a money and not given it back (only a small amount). But i dont let that ruin our relationship. I just know he cant handle that part of his life at the moment. But he is more to me than just that. I love him and want to have a good relationship with him, so i dont let it affect it.

So i wish you all the best. We cant choose our family, but sometimes that is a good thing. It makes us deal with issues without running away!

I Pray that you and your family can begin to get along better. It is very rewarding when you put in the effort and start reaping results!

Answer 4

I feel that way about some of my family members, not all of them. The best advice I can give you is to is this:

1. lower your expectations of them. this is the big one. If you don't expect or wish for them to behave better than what they do, you won't be disappointed in their behavior.
2. accept and love them for who they are
3. don't write them out of your life completely. If they treat you badly, don't give them any details about your personal life. This should at least parlty eliminate the opportunity for them to walk all over you!
4. believe in yourself, and don't allow yourself to be affected by their bad behavior.

You're not alone! Doesn't everyone these days consider their family dysfunctional?

Answer 5

hey join the boat. I have problems with my family name one person that doesn't. Just remember when the chips are down and you are in the most need whom do you call and turn to?
god choose the family for you I'm not sure why he places people but I do know he doesn't make mistakes. All you can do is keep treating your family with respect, and love. Remember they are you're family and in the end most families stick together through the rough times of life.

Answer 6

Yes, I sometimes feel this way too but I don't think it's wrong at all. Everyone is different and should be able to have some space to themselves. If you don't like the way they treat you, let them know and don't hang around them too much. It's better than taking it from them and keeping it to yourself.

Answer 7

How are you approaching them? First write down events, incidents or items that are problems for you. Then ask them to sit down at the kitchen table to have a mature talk about the issues. If nothing changes, then you at least know you did your best and can be proud of yourself. Its human nature to become defensive when approached about a deficiency or failure in ourselves. It sometimes help if you don't become defensive also, and use statements like "I feel hurt or angry or sad when you say ??????" -instead of you hurt my feelings when you do that. or "I don't like to be talked to that way." instead of You yell at me. Then your comments don't sound like accusations. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

We all feel that way about our families, sometimes. You'll begin to feel better about them when you stop taking responsibility for their bad behavior, and when you start telling them where to get off when they get out of line. If they get defensive, that's their problem--not yours. Say what you have to say and be done with it, whether they like it or not. Doesn't mean you don't love them, but you must also love yourself enough to stop allowing people to mistreat you.

Answer 9

When I was young, my family treated me horribly as well, but they were just acting how my mother did (but I didn't realize that now). I was abused, and often wish that my house would burn down with them in it before I got home from school.

Hmm, that was TMI, huh?

Answer 10

Stick up for yourself, don't let them walk on you. If they continue their behavior then stop going around them and they will get the hint. If you have to go for family functions then just go for a little while and leave early. You don't have to torture yourself by being around them.