Have I made a huge mistake? Please help me because this is absoltely ripping me apart!?

Question

Okay. I have this really close friend who's a guy. He's dating one of my best friends, and it's obvious that they really like each other. But me him pretty much talk more than him and his girl. We flirt, text, talk on the phone, and are always "partners in crime" at school (we don't really do crime just in case you don't that!). My best friend is getting jealous, which I would be too if someone were doing that with my guy, so I sent an email to the guy friend telling him that we shouldn't talk anymore because of all the drama. People are telling ME that I should back off because he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, and it's mean to do that. I don't neglect anyone for him, so it's not like that. And his girlfriend is mad at me and has ignored me all week because of this. Did I make a mistake telling him that? And if I did, how can I fix it? We were such amazingly close friends! <3

Answer 1

Well I don't think you should had to have told him you couldn't be friends anymore. I mean really, you were friends before they got together and it is his relationship, not yours. If his girl is having issues with how close you two are (and so would I) then HE should be the one telling you he has to back off some. I hate the way it's always on the woman, as if we are home wreckers and the men have absolutely NO responsibility for their ******** relationships! I'm sorry, this is just a sore spot with me because I lost my best friend almost this way, her husband and I were really close and she couldn't deal with it. Well I was seen as the home wrecker and now we aren't friends anymore (all three of us) but yet THEY are still together. It just bakes my noodle. So no, I think you can be friends with this guy, but as a friend you do want to give his relationship room to grown without any interference. However, ultimately it should be HIS decision, not yours.

Answer 2

Honestly...maybe you two are meant to be.
I don't see any reason for the two of you to NOT be friends. It really seems like no big deal.
His girlfriend is probably feeling a little funny because she is feeling insecure. Does your boyfriend have an issue with all this?
As far as I am concerned...you did the honorable thing...you limited the interaction with the guy for the sake of your best friend....IF she is a true friend she will see that, Besides she probably has some little birdies whispering in her ear telling her that she should not tolerate this type of behavior from you or him. So, No, I do not think you made a mistake. I also don't think you were doing anything too out of line in the first place.

Answer 3

Well one thing is certain, you are a considerate friend, and you have tried to put yourself in your girlfriends shoes, by admitting that you wouldn't like it if the situation was happening to you, and that was the reason you told him that you two had to chill. That was nice of you, but you probably feel as if you are losing a good friend. You are caught between a rock and a hard place either way. I suggest you stay on your current course of action and give it time. Your girlfriend should eventually come around if she values your friendship as much as you obviously do. Both of them should recognize that you only wanted to do the right thing and since they weren't coming up with a better solution to the problem you did what you thought was right. You didn't need the unnecessary drama. Eventually they'll recognize this, or they wont. Still you should feel good that you are a good friend to them no matter what happens.

Answer 4

OK you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, so don't flirt with him. You can talk oto him but be very careful of what you talk about with him. But if you find it hard to not do that then well JUST DONT TALK TO him like at all, explain to him the real issues and what your worrying about.

Tell your best friend not to worry and that you and this guy are friends. Its not lying unless you **** up again so yea...
Overall don't be a flirt when you have a boyfriend, thats just retarded and lame.

Just be a good person.
:)

Answer 5

Which friendship came first? yours and the boy, yours and the girlfriend. You should be able to talk to anyone you want to. As long as you aren't making a play for them. The girlfriend is insecure and should be reassured that you and the boy are just friends , nothing romantic going on. The three of you, and probably your boyfriend too, should get togther and talk this over in a mature, non confrontational way. Adults can maintain several relationships at one time, as long as every one is clear where they stand. If you have any romantic feelings for this boy, you must first admit it to yourself. Are you being true to yourself? If your friendship with the girl came before that with the boy, then your loyalty lies with her. If the friendship with the boy came first , then you should not have to give up a friendship because of some one elses insecurities. Just make sure you aren't keeping secrets from her . The decision on who should give up a friendship should not be made on insecurities or misconceptions of another. If you and the boy are being sinsere in how you feel, then your friendship should be accepted by others. If not, then that is their burden and not yours. You cann't let other people tell you who to be friends with. If they cann't accept this, then it will be their decission to end the friendship with you. Be true to your ideals. I hope you all can work this out. He did pick HER as his girlfriend didn't he? This should help give her peace of mind as to how he feels. Above all else , KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. Good luck.

Answer 6

What you did was admirable - in that you were willing to chuck your friendship to make his girlfriend and everyone else happy. To be honest, she shouldn't be dictating who his friends are. There's no reason why you two can't be friends, and can't be close. If you're not romantically involved, I don't see what the problem is at all.

If the girlfriend is so insecure about you nabbing her boyfriend, perhaps you should have a talk with her privately (face to face) to discuss that you aren't trying to be a threat - you're a friend. To BOTH of them. If she's truly your best friend, she'll realize you don't mean any harm, you don't want to break them up, and you're geniunely interested in just being a friend and only that. But until you have that talk, maybe back off just one step on how much time you two spend together.

But don't let her alter your friendship, just because they're dating. You're not trying to canoodle with him, so you are not in the wrong.

Answer 7

This is a problem for noth you and the guy. He and His girlfriend(your best friend) should consider which relationship is best for the all of you. Maybe the guy and your girlfriend aren't really right for eachother. If it is easier for you and this guy to be friends (Be honest here! Is it just friends?) maybe you are both in wrong relationships. Your girlfriend needs to consider whith her boyfriend why this is happening. You were not wrong to suggest the two of you don't talk anymore but consider the reasons for all the drama.

Answer 8

First of all, being friends with someone and being in a relationship is totally different. You need to have friends. It is a different kind of love and relationship. And your best friend that is dating him may not consider you a best friend, she doesnt trust you!!!!! And maybe you should ask yourself, is there a reason why.. Look deep down, maybe people are seeing something you cant. Maybe you and your guy friend should be more than that. I could be way off base here. It just sounds to me like everyone is insecure about there relationships except you and your guy friend. I dont think you should stop being his friend. And if everyone else cant accept it, tell them to grow up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Answer 9

Wow, so much drama.I think it's a little messed that his girlfriend thinks that you would do that.I mean you mentioned that she's one of your best friends and it's bad that she would do that.That you would on purpose try to break their relationship.But I get if she's a bit jealous.I think you made the right choice for now.If she realizes that you're a good friend or they break up maybe you can start talking to him.I believe that is the best for everyone since you're not trying to hurt anyone.The best to do in certain circumstances is to simply walk away.So, you didn't make a mistake and just leave it that way.

Answer 10

You should have sent him an Email u should have clear and simple talk to him about the problems that you think are evaluting when he and him continue being so close friends. I dont think u done the wrong thing but u approached it in the wrong way. Just make sure u talk to him again but face to face