I moved in with my boyfriend a couple of months ago. We had not been seeing each other for very long before that. He and I have talked about marraige and kids, but are wanting to wait. He has been married twice; his child is from the first. His child hasn't seen him mom OR his previous stepmom since august, 2006. When he calls me "mommy" I do not say anything. I do not know what to say. It makes me feel good, and I would love for him to call me his mom (since the one he has is too busy taking care of her other 3 younger kids), but i am more worried about his psychological health rather than my feelings. His father hasn't objected or complied with this; it seems like he's leaving it all up to me. We live like we are a family, and my boyfriend and i plan on being together for a very long time. I just don't want to confuse his son (since he's already had two "moms" at the young age of 6. Any suggestions?
2007-03-14 08:04:26 · 12 answers · asked by Thinking 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are not his mommy and even if you and dad stay together for many years unless you marry & then adopt him you will still not be his 'mommy'. At 6 he is old enough to understand.
I would talk to the child and decide on another special name he can use.
2007-03-14 11:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by funschooling m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, ouch. That a tough one. Sounds like this child really wants a mommy and has been let down by women in that role. I think either his father should sit him down and clarify the situation, which could potentially be hurtful to him depending on his emotional status. Or you can just let it continue and hope for the best outcome, which sounds a bit reckless but these are formative years and don't underestimate the importance of the comfort and security a mother figure provides. Who can you trust more than your own mom....or "mom"? Obviously in his mind you are the mommy and the caretaker and him calling you mommy or by name doesn't undo the bond he feels. It's amazing to me how children always seem to seek that structure and normalcy, no matter the ups and downs adults take them thru.
2007-03-14 09:00:56 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My foster child (who we are hoping to adopt once the tpr goes through) call me mommy sometimes and then others he calls me by my first name! Heck, sometimes he calls my by my husbands name...I / we didn't say much about it, but certain circumstances have come about to where we just told him that I was changing my name to mommy, but if he wanted to still call me (by my first name) he could...I get mommy more than the other! I would let him do what he feels comfortable doing...don't push the issue...at this age you don't want to confuse him more by telling him NOT to call you this. It's really just a name to him as he barely has the concept of what a mommy really is all about!
2007-03-14 09:00:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter married a man (she is now divorcing him) but anyways he had a daughter from his first marriage. He shared joint custody. But even though this little girl has a mother, she stared to call my daughter Mommy. My daughter told her, I want you to call me by my first name, I love you very much, but you have one Mommy and I am not her. Please call me......and then give her a hug. And if she wants to call you MOM after years..then its a different story you have just moved in with a boyfriend. Not a husband, not a long time frame living together so not a smart move.
2007-03-14 08:35:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are planning to stick around and/or there is marriage in the future then it's not a big deal. This little boy wants and needs a mom and if he sees you as a mother figure and it doesn't bother you - then let him call you mom. You telling him not to call you mom could cause worse psychological problems for him and also give him rejection issues.
2007-03-14 08:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with it. One never knows how any relationship is going to turn out. The big step of living together is done. Give it all you got... if the boy sees and feels that good about you, that my be a blessing...think how uncomfortable it would be if he was saying, by by to you all the time.
Put marriage counseling on the front burner. Life is to short to always be starting over and over again and again.
Be happy!
2007-03-14 08:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by xman77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a great relationship with both your bf and his son! I would let him continue to call you what he feels comfortable with. When he gets older, you guys can talk about it if he comes to you or doesn't understand some things. I wouldn't bring anything up now since he's too young. Since that isn't hurting anything by him calling you that, I'd go along with it etc....
2007-03-14 08:24:55 · answer #7 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him. Ild say something like this. (Randy, you know I care about you a lot, and you can call me whatever you feel comfortable calling me, as much as ild love to have a little boy like you, I not really your mommy, Tammy is your real mommy, but you can call me mommy too if thats really what you want to do.) made up names, but anyway, at age 6 he can understand you.
good luck.
2007-03-14 08:37:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your time....if things don't work out that little boy is going to be hurt, just sit him down and talk to him about it and let him know that you are there for him but he needs to call you by your name for now. Things may change in due time but slow down a little.
2007-03-14 08:22:38 · answer #9 · answered by very_proud_mommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know . i do think if its true that you love this boy you can tell him that . you might put it this way "you know who loves you ?" he says who you say your name and i love you .
other then that i say its not so much who is mother is or who he calls mom but who he calls father teach him his heavenly fathers name . that way he will never be without two loving parents one dad one father. perhaps plus you too.
2007-03-14 08:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋