The Absent Groomsman?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married 5/5/07 and we each have three attendants on each side. All three of my girls have gotten their dresses for the wedding and are raring to go. Two of his groomsmen have done the same with their tuxes. The problem is that the third groomsmen. We've tried numerous times to get hold of him and he never returns phone calls or answers his phone. The wedding is less than two months away and my fiance is starting to wonder if his friend will be able to stand with him at all. The guy is a long-time friend of my fiance's but my fiance is worried the guy won't tow the line in time. Should he start looking for another groomsmen or wait?

Answer 1

I'd leave him a message letting him know that you've been trying to get in touch with him & you're worried about the outcome of the wedding. Let him know in the message that you need some kind of communication from him & that if you don't hear from him by (insert date here) that you're going to be looking for a replacement for him.

Answer 2

I'd try to contact his family. If you don't get a response by the first of April, I'd find another groomsman. I know from experience there is nothing as frustrating during a wedding as a friend that has made a promise and then doesn't fulfill it. Mine was my best man. He made a 15 minute appearance at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. He left before food was served and left me hanging without a ride(He was my ride back to the hotel.) And he didn't show up on the wedding day until he was 10 minutes late. Luckily for me one of the other groomsmen stepped up and did what needed to be done.

Answer 3

That's a good question. Depends on how stressed you want to be. That happened with our Usher, a friend of my husband. We didn't hear from him, he didn't come to the rehearsal, I didn't see him before the wedding. I was freaking out but at least I had another Usher and I just let it go at that. He finally showed up right before the wedding. DId his part and left shortly after the reception start. Its been a year and a half and my husband is still mad about it to this day.

The problem here is that guys communicate differently than girls. If it were a girl I would say ask her up front if she really wants to be in the wedding. Maybe your fiance can ask his buddy if something has come up in his life that makes him unable to be in the wedding reassuring the friend that he understands if that is the case. That you guys would rather know now than the day before or the day of the wedding.

Answer 4

The groom should leave one last message or send a letter saying "If I don't hear from you by this Saturday then I will assume that you really don't want to be in the wedding party any longer." Then see what he does.

There is no need to find another groomsman. No need to replace the guy who dropped out. "Even sides" are not required.

Answer 5

I would definitely ask someone else. This guy is ducking your fiance, because I don't think he wants to be a groomsman and doesn't know how to refuse. So go ahead and select another friend before it is too late. If he eventually calls after you have asked someone else, tell him sorry, but he never returned phone calls and you thought he had moved or wasn't interested. Case Closed

Answer 6

You should place one more detailed message to his phone, plus call his family to make sure the message gets to him. Let him know that if you don't hear from him regarding the tux rental by (say 1 week from the call) then you will have to ask another person to stand for you because all arrangements have been made and the time is getting near. Good luck and God Bless your marriage.

Answer 7

Yes if he isn't even returning calls, he is not very reliable. My son is marrying April 7th and had someone lined up because his sister's new husband had just been told he may get orders (he's in the army) for time of the wedding. It looks like he will make it but we weren't sure so he had someone lined up in case he was needed.

Answer 8

Apparently your fiance's buddy isn't interested in being in the wedding. Or he has gone through life with other's always making concessions for him. Well, it's time the cycle is broken.

Find a replacement. And leave a message on his whatever to let him know that he HAS sorrowfully been replaced.

Answer 9

Call him one more time to tell him he's OUT of the wedding. If he doesn't have the common decency to return your calls, he's not that good of a friend. Start looking for another groomsman now. One of the girls in my brother and sister-in-law's wedding did that. She showed up to pick out gowns, but never showed up to pay for hers or for any of the fittings. My sister-in-law called me and asked if I would take her place. I was thrilled and honored to say YES! I went to all the fittings, (at luck would have it, I wore the same size as the girl who she kicked out), went with her to pick out shoes and to her mom's house so the hair dresser could practice on our hair. I offered to pay for the gown, but her father told me in no uncertain terms that since I had jumped in at the last minute and helped out without even giving it a second thought, HE was paying for the gown. My sister-in-law called the girl and told her she was out of the wedding, that she had been replaced and not to even bother showing up. The girl called later crying, giving lame excuses and saying she was sorry and she wanted to be in the wedding. My sister-in-law told her to lose her phone number and never call her again! That was 7 years ago and they've never spoken since!

Answer 10

I would get a back up groomsman! Screw calling his family, he's a grown man and should be taking care of his own affairs.... and it sounds like he is just flaking out. I would cut him off the guest list all together.