When he moved in with us at age 12 we made it clear that driving is a privilege. He must maintain a 3.0 gpa to drive. Last summer his mom bought him a car and it's been a long year. His grades have been mediocre but he always has an excuse or a note from a teacher so his dad gives in. We've been to counseling and it helped and seemed to motivate him for a while (he got a 3.0gpa) but things are back to the way they were.This progress report he has earned a 2.0.He graduates from h.s. in 3 months.When he has his car life is good. When he doesn't, he makes sure life sucks for everyone at home.He sulks, complains and seldom ventures out of his bedroom.
Since he'll be moving back to mom's in June (where he's never been told "no"), I'm ready to just give him his way.I've tried to be consistent but since I'm "only" a stepmom I doubt I've had any effect on his behavior and the counselor says I need to butt out.I'm trying to choose my battles.Should I shut up and give in?It's so tempting!
2007-03-14 07:54:01 · 13 answers · asked by katydid 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This is tough...your rules are not being inforced by the father or respected by the biological mother (there should never have been a car given in the first place if his grades were bad). You are at the end of both his HS years and he is planning to move back to him mom, so while I tend to be one of those "stick to your guns" types, without the support from his Dad, it simply isn't going to make any difference what you say. I would say this is a battle you have fought...and may have lost. My advice would be to back off. 3 months of holding the line will not make any difference with this young man, but could do harm to your emotional health. Make it clear to his father that as far as grades and the car goes, it is totally up to him to enforce (or not) the rules and then step back.
I would suggest however, that if you and your husband have other kids that will reach this point, now is the time to work out hard and fast rules, the first of which may need to be no cars for kids! A kid having his own car can be a tough thing to take away as punishment. But having to earn the privelage of driving your's gives you more to stand on. either way, you both need to agree on what is and isn't going to be ok and then support each other through the moping cause that is totally unavoidable! Good luck
2007-03-14 10:22:14 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give in a car isn't a toy you can buy from Toys R Us. If he wants to be responsible to driving in the real world in a car where families are on the road every day how simple would it be for him to maintain good grades. It's not rocket science K-12th grade. As your age progresses in school your grade in school progresses. He's just being lazy and if you give in to this and don't stay consistent than he's going to think your not going to be consistent with anything else and keep trying/chancing you. Consistency is the key most parents haven't realized this. In the bible it says "let your yes mean yes and your no mean no."
2007-03-14 09:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by missingNYC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, everyone who says no plausible problem might want to replace their minds is largely admitting to being an huge-minded fanatic. obviously there are situations that can make any lifelike individual question the existence of god. in spite of the undeniable fact that, i'd want to question your assumption that *all* rational beliefs should be contingent upon some thing. case in point: i have self assurance I exist. there is not any plausible journey that can make me lose this conception because the actuality that i'm able to journey it or maybe evaluate such an journey proves that I exist because i might want to no longer evaluate it without contemporary. therefore the conception that you your self exist is a rational conception that does no longer should be contingent on some thing. therefore the concept that each one rational beliefs should be contingent on some thing is disproven by ability of counterexample.
2016-12-02 00:13:34 · answer #3 · answered by camargo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not give in we are doing the same thing with our 16yearold daughter you are so right that driving is a privelage! They will loveyou later on for making them get good grades. However ours cant even go through drivers ed yet unti lher grades get up!
2007-03-14 09:47:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
as i am still close to being a kid myself let me say that it is important to know there is someone who is constant with you it means you as a kid can trust that person it is also important to talk to young people as people not just kids. My mom thinks that you should not have been asked to be the bad guy in all this and that maybe you would be able to have a better relationship with him if you did back off a bit.
2007-03-14 09:35:35 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT GIVE IN! You will regret it. He'll know that you're not a mom of her word. Regardless if he is going back to his mom's know that you taught him limits and consequences. Sorry, we're a tough love family.
And that counselor needs to be reported if you're an active part of your son's life.
2007-03-14 07:58:08 · answer #6 · answered by downinmn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns. Education is very important and one day he may thank you for trying to motivate him to do well in school. Best of luck.
2007-03-14 08:00:00 · answer #7 · answered by Miriam Z 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stick to your guns. If you don't you'll never be able to lay down the law on anything.
2007-03-14 08:02:30 · answer #8 · answered by mei-lin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lives in YOUR house right??? Then yes, stick to your guns! Don't give in... he won't be mad forever...he'll eventually get over it!
2007-03-14 07:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by candi-harley 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too am a stepmom. Butt out.
2007-03-14 08:13:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋