I have a very dear friend who is getting married next fall. Her husband-to-be presented her with his mother's engagement ring. It's a lovely gesture but the ring is absolutely godawful ugly and doesn't suit her at all. She truly appreciates the thought but she has to wear it for the rest of her life and she hates it. However, she doesn't want her husband (or his mother) to feel as if they are being spurned. Any ideas on how to handle this?
2007-03-14 07:32:42 · 20 answers · asked by Kitten 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She could suggest a compromise of having the stones reset in a setting that would better reflect her personality - that way she still has the family 'heirloom' with a modern twist.
2007-03-14 07:38:03 · answer #1 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
She should be HONORED to receive a family heirloom. Issues of fashion have NO PLACE in the equation.
It would be truly offensive and postiively unsentimental for her to express that she dislikes the style of the ring, or suggest that it be altered of changed.
She does NOT have to wear it for the rest of her life. The "wearing both rings at the same time" thing is a really recent fad. Most married women only wear their wedding band after the wedding-- they put the engagement ring away.
She can put up with wearing a ring that she doesn't like, for just the length of her engagement. It will not kill her. In fact it will give her prctice in being gracious when she receives other gifts in life that are not her favorite thing.
Also if she puts it away after marriage she might take it out later in life when her tastes might have changed and matured-- also the antique piece might have appreciated, or come back into fashion.
2007-03-14 11:48:09 · answer #2 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Try to reuse the stone in a different pattern or design.
2. Reuse the stones in a wedding band if she can't make it work as an engagement ring.
3. Tell him, but unfortunately he may have given her that ring to save some cash and he might not have the money to shed to get her what she wants. I am sure the mother Won't let the ring be sold or traded in. If she can reset the stones that is her best bet with making it her own and not insulting the family.
2007-03-14 07:46:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She should very nicely explain that while the ring is beautiful, it's just not her taste. Since she's the one that will be wearing the ring, it should be something she likes. Then, as others have already said, she should suggest using the stone/stones and possibly even the metal from the ring to make a different ring that's more her style.
I had a similar situation when my husband gave me my engagement ring. It was a very pretty ring but just not my taste. He had no problem with using the same stones from that ring and putting them in a different setting. He wanted me to have a ring that I loved.
2007-03-14 07:52:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
She can wear her wedding band once they get married and opt not to combine the engagement and wedding rings together. Then after the wedding she can say she wants to only wear one ring everyday and it will be the wedding band. But she will wear the engagement ring on special occasions and whenever her mother-in-law is around. If she has a smart husband he should be able to figure out that it is hideous and will understand why she will only want to wear it occasionally. She could also ask to have the ring re-done. I gave my wife an engagement ring that included the diamonds from my grandmother's ring and I selected the setup myself.
I think she should first explain to her fiance how she feels about the ring.
2007-03-14 07:40:53 · answer #5 · answered by lanemeyer4 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This happens very often. Have her explain that she appreciates the gesture and that she wants to start a tradition. She can pick out a ring that she likes and then have the mother's stone transferred. This way, the "Diamond is Forever" part gets passed on, but she doesn't have to deal with the ugly ring.
2007-03-14 07:40:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
honesty is the best policy. maybe she should suggest using the stones and putting them in a setting that better suits her, let them in on the procewss though so they dont fill left out. or if his mother is divorced, she can say she doesnt feel comfortable starting out the marriage with a bad omen. tell the fiance she doesnt think it suits her but she is flattered for the gesture but she would rather have her own engagement ring that fits her better. he will understand becasue he is love struck
2007-03-14 07:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nobody I know who is married has continued to also wear their engagement ring. So to say she has to wear it "for the rest of her life" is utterly ridiculous !!!! Most married people I know just wear their wedding ring. So the most she would have to wear this god awful ring isn't much. This just proves how shallow people really are.
2007-03-14 07:48:08 · answer #8 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She keeps her mouth shut and tells no one else her opinion. Once she gets a wedding band, she can just wear that, then add the engagement ring on for family occasions.
2007-03-14 11:04:46 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every woman deserves her OWN engagement ring -- sentiment or not, she can wear his mother's ring on her right finger and he better march back out there and buy her a beautiful ring just for her.
2007-03-14 07:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋