I made him return a bridal set he picked out with his mother: Am I wrong?

Question

Ok....we got engaged 2 years ago and last year he bought a set but it said absolutely nothing about me as a person....it was flashy and just the complete opposite of what I would wear.....plus he takes care of his mother because she is sick instead of being there for me and his son....when it comes up about buying our rings he always wants to do it himself....but I want to do it together I think it should be something we do together that we both like...I think there are some co-dependency issues between him and his mom...but I had had enough when she was helping him pick our set.....So what does everyone else think should I give in or am I right that she has no business involved in the decision??

...Ok here's the whole story I had his child at 16 years old and I would have died of severe kidney disease and not known it had I not had our son...he was excited until his mother found out and she told me to have an abortion and I told her NO!...he decided he wasn't going to be around...he called once a week during the pregnancy when we found out I almost died of kidney failure...he cried..then started to make an effort to be around he was there for the birthnad then disappeared for 6months and dated some girl......then he came back when his mothwer tiold him not to....he proposed after 2months and we've been engaged ever since which his mother also told him not to do....that girl he dated sent him naked emails and he wrote love notes to her in december i found them...i forgave him...however he dropped out of high school he claims to support me and our son but he doesnt give me any money ..it all goes to supporting him and his mother.....he also hardly ever sees us about once ....

he sees us once a week however last month he only saw us one time for two hours.....he works 11hours a day making $6 an hour .....he hardly knows or sees his son and never has time to even talk to me...he has been supporting her for the last 3years because she cant get disability ...they got alaywer and had a court hearing on now theyre waiting on an answer...my parents support me and my son because i am unable to work...they tell me it's his job ...he says he cant no one else can support his mother....

the bridal set looked expensive and he said it cost $1000...itold him it could wait and i didn't want to spend that much maybe $200 at the most ....im not a material person i dont like big flashy things nor am i interested in money all that i asked was that our wedding bands could be personal that said something about us and our love as husband and wife...

he has always taken care of her and been the parent in the relationship he has told me that im the only one that has ever..

Answer 1

I think I understand how you feel....The marriage and the vows are between you and your hubby, therefore, the rings that represent the union should be chosen by the 2 who made the commitment. He's a momma's boy and the fact that she is sick will only intensify their bond.....I hope he grows up someday soon and takes responsibility in his own family or it's gonna be a hard life w/momma in the middle.......Good Luck!

Answer 2

Yes, I think you should be able to help pick out your ring, but if he doesn't want your help what do you do, not get married?

As for his mom, it's the underlying issues you have with her that make you not want her involved in picking out your wedding set. For goodness sake let the old lady help! Now if they're both picking out something you don't care for, maybe you can find a nice way to let him know that you'd rather be involved instead of her. After all, it has to sit on your finger, so it's important to you.

I'm sure you're a nice lady but it doesn't sound like you've been coming across nicely to him about this. Seriously, men don't know how to act when they think you're forcing something on them. Also, they're especially difficult when they think you're being unappreciative.

I picked out my own diamond, but because my ex husband let me. He went out and bought the wrap though, without my help. And even though I wasn't crazy about it, I wore it because he had put a lot of thought into picking it out.

I hope it works out for all parties involved, but his mom may not have much time left so cut her some slack. He is well aware that he may lose her soon, so try to excuse his little boy behavior sometimes.

Answer 3

I'm wondering if that's the way you feel about material things if you should be with him at all. You both sound like there's a committment problem and/or trust issue. When you marry a man (or woman) you also marry their family for better or worse. My mom helps me out tremendously with things and my husband sometimes doesn't like it, but that's life. I am extremely close to my family that doesn't make me "dependent" it makes me having grown up in a good family environment and wanting to share with them as they do me. If I were you after 2 years of an engagement I think the bigger issue isn't his mom & his relationship, it's his and yours relationship.

Answer 4

A lot of the answers I'm seeing are negative. Frankly, I would be upset if my fiance let his mother pick out my engagement ring/bridal set. If a ring is important to you, it should be a gift from HIM to YOU. Not from his mother to you. I wouldn't let my father pick out my fiance's wedding ring. I think you were right to suggest that you go together, I think that's the best option. That way you can pick out what you both like. When my fiance and I chose mine, I did the shopping and narrowed it down to four or five that I liked and let him pick out his favorite from those and it worked out beautifully. We're both happy with the choice.

Answer 5

You are totally wrong, and this was extremely rude of you. Most women would be totally grateful to get ANY ring. And of course, it's something you should not do with him - to choose the ring. Part of the specialness was for it to be a surprise for you. Well, you have ruined a lot for him, and probably for your relationship. Happier now?

Answer 6

Honey, mother is Queen you can never dethrone her but you can play her if he depends on his mom so much then go to her show her some stuff you like and ask for her suggestions ( this makes it sound like you care) then when your hubby to be goes to his mommy ( and they always will) you have a better chance of getting what you want.

Answer 7

"plus he takes care of his mother because she is sick instead of being there for me and his son."
Jealous much? Sounds to me like you hate the fact that you aren't the only woman in your fiance's life. You need to grow up and get over it. She gave birth to him, she was there long before you, and the way it sounds, she'll be there long after you, cuz the 2 of you ain't gonna last.

Answer 8

I understand getting something you wanted but this post sounds very bratty.... perhaps that's because you are very upset with the relationship between him and his mom. I won't worry about the rings right now... I be more worried about what your relationship with the both of them is going to be like after your married!!! That would be my biggest concern. And it really depends on HOW you ask him to return the ring.....

Answer 9

WHat issues about his mom? BC it would seem silly by you saying she is sick but he takes care of her uhh what would you want him to do abandon her, so we need more information, and he probably trust his mothers opinion bc you know how women can get, so asking his mom to help probably was done out of love, especially if his mom helped pick out the most expensive one. SO i dont get it yet, does he put her before you?? Does he ignore your opinions?? WHat??

Answer 10

Once you're engaged, you get to pick. Thats the rule. It'd be different if it was the engagment ring, and he suprised you with it. Now you have say.