Im having a bit of a problem, i am an 18 yr old girl who is attracted to older men (usually 3-15 yrs older). Im currently seeing a 28 yr old, but am starting to rethink the relationship because of all the **** i have gotten from friends and family because of the age gap. i am attracted to older males both mentally and physically and have been my entire life, but now that im starting to get serious with them i have been encountering a lot of problems. why am i attracted to older men? is it healthy? and if it isnt, how can i change?
2007-03-14 06:51:13 · 16 answers · asked by Lizzy S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It doesnt sound unhealthy to me. Your family and friends are just trying to look out for you.
2007-03-14 06:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its normal to be attracted to older men. Most men who are the ages of 17-25 are in that void of finding themselves, where as women in that age bracket are usually more organized and ready for relationships, family, marriage and all that good stuff. For most men they need to be settled in a good job, done with school and content at some kind of job before they can think of settling down or providing that responsible type of attitude to a woman. You see that older man have all those ducks in a row and that attracks you, he can give you much more in a sense of security at this point in his life than a guy your own age ever could.
However, take into consideration that you will not be the same person at 21 as you are now at 18, you won't be the same person you are at 21 when you're 25 or 30. That amount of growth time is going to affect your relationship with this older man if you so choose to stay with him. You might find yourself wishing, as a lot of women do, that you had stayed away from the age gap.
At 18 just date and have fun with people more in your age bracket--18-22 at least. Just remember that guys your age will come into a more mature means eventually. They will catch up with the ideals you are likely looking for.
2007-03-14 07:02:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only person who can really know if it's healthy is you - if you feel good about yourself when you are with these men, then it's healthy. If they affect you negatively, not so much. but my totally random guess is that you are looking for some stability or some excitement. Totallly different ends of the spectum, but both totally possible. I've found myself attracted to really stable grown up men when I just want to relax and be with someone, and also to crazy older men who have made me feel like I was doing something dangerous just by hanging out with them... both are still acceptable reasons, as long as you keep your head on straight and make decisions based on what you want, not what you think they want. And don't let yourself grow up too fast - soon enough you'll be looking at 18 year olds thinking, damn, I wish I could go near that healthy specimin but now I'm too old!! ;) take it from this 26 year old, as long as you're happy and confident and not screaming, crying, dishonest or living dangerously, you're prob. just having fun.
2007-03-14 06:58:08 · answer #3 · answered by imnotachickenyoureaturkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must not have had a good relationship with your dad growing up. This is common. Most girls your age would not be interested in a guy who is more then 5 yrs older then them. I am sorry to say that if a man is 6-15 yrs older then you wants to date you it is not for common interests it is more for a good time as you are putting yourself out there to be just arm candy. I think you need to go speak to a therapist. The family is upset because they see what he is doing and are aware of his intentions you are very young and I am sure he is feeding you a line of cra*
2007-03-14 06:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
18 is a good age!!! You have the world at your finger tips and a lot more doors are now open to you...pretty soon you'll be 21 and be out at the bars...drinking dancing having a great time!!!
OR...
You can let a guy tie you down in a serious relationship...
Older guys are looking for something more serious for the most part...YOU shouldn't be...
Do I think dating older guys is unhealthy???
NO....
Date as many guys as possible...you have to get an idea of what you like and don't like...plus it would be a little wiser to wait to get too serious until you're at least 25...
Also, stop listening to other people...LOL!!!
good luck
2007-03-14 06:58:52 · answer #5 · answered by Dave B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If a 28 year old man was interested in a 19-20 year old woman, everyone would think it was great. It's reverse discrimination. If you sincerely are attracted to males who are older than you, than that's the type of person you are interested in, the heart is blind. You need to politely ask your family and friends to back off on this issue and let you live your life. If they are sincerely concerned for your happiness, they should let you be happy! You need to stick to your guns that this is what you want and they need to back off. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-14 07:09:33 · answer #6 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lot of girls are like you. Im not exactly sure why; it could be the security thing. what you have to look out for is the guys...
most older guys will only date a younger girl because of looks. he is not really into her all that much. its easy and convenient. now, thats not always the case, but i have seen it to be the general rule. the exceptions are usually when u get to know each other FIRST, and then the attraction or dating starts.
there is nothing wrong with you tho-its common...just choose your man carefully.
2007-03-14 06:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by zeke58 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what is unhealthy about it? your family and friends aren't involved in your love life so what difference does it make to them? age is a state of mind and who cares if you like older men? if i was a young woman, i'd like older guys, too! they're more mature and more experienced than guys around your age. generally speaking, of course... there's always the exception to the rule.
the point is, who cares why you're attracted to older men. if it bothers other people, tell them to butt out. if you really don't have an issue with it, then you do what feels right for you. screw all those other opinions. life is too short to get all uptight about stupid stuff like this.
2007-03-14 06:58:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly you are attracted to who u are attracted to, you cant help it, and its not ur fault that they end up being older than you......maybe its because all the guys that youve experienced are immature which would make u want older more mature men to match the maturity you feel you have.....your friends and family are always gonna give you probs about who your with cuz most of the time they will never think that your significant other isnt good enough for you...just tell them that if they really love you than they will be happy for you if ur happy
2007-03-14 06:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by mixdupblondie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see it as a problem at all, I know a lot of girls that are attracted to older men, my girlfriend is 23 and I'm 33 and there isn't one single problem with it. Really if your inlove and happy then who cares what they think.
2007-03-14 06:54:34 · answer #10 · answered by 7S282 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here si some thing to think about. was your mother attracted to older men? it could be that older men have been around you most of your life and you have become attracted to them. as long as there is no abuse sexually or physically everything should be allright
2007-03-14 06:57:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋