Step parents - how do you deal with the new children and their dislike of you?

Question

I've just moved in with my sister after her husband left - I'm the nanny now. I came bringing a harder level of discipline / tougher requirements on bahavior and the 8 yr old is bucking against it and I feel like an evil step-parent. She really gets under my skin. I've been there 8 months now and it isn't getting better. I find that sometimes I have difficulty not reverting to elementary tactics of bickering with her. Any advice on how to get this relationship working better?

Answer 1

Trust in God and ask him for guideance

Answer 2

an imediate higher dicaplin wll do that. On the off times when mommy is home just sit down and relax with her play, make art projects together, talk and more. DOnt be so strict at first just work it up casue you will get the cold shoulder from a fast one and lots of rude behavior.

So step it down, dont be so strict at first, play nice until you two can get to know each other better and she can develope the respect to obey to. Cause to get it you have to show it. You cant force her to give it to you.
Dont force her just ask her to do something if she refuses take up items until she can say sorry and then do as she was told, cause a good time out can set things right and toys being taken away for bad behavior

What you think works could make it worse so change your approach. Different house different rules of things, so ease up ok

Answer 3

Firstly, you need to discuss discipline expectations with the child's mother. A clear, concise set of "rules" should be developed respecting your sister's values, and clear consequences which your sister is comfortable having you enforce need to be identified. You are NOT a step-parent; you are an aunt, and your sister's choices for discipline must be respected, even if they are different than yours.

Secondly, you need to discuss these expectations with the child.

Thirdly and most importantly, you need to identify to your niece clearly what the exact consequences of misbehaviour (not following the "rules") will be. Then stick to these consequences like glue.

Affection in children is often very closely linked to trust. Your niece is more likely to trust you if communication is clear, consistent, and up front. For that matter, your sister will appreciate your involvement in her life more if you show her the respect she deserves as the child's parent.

Your niece probably resents that you are trying to be a parent, having just "lost" her father. Go back to being an aunt and you'll have better luck with her. It is easier to be an aunt than to perceive yourself as a step-parent, only to be replaced at some point in the future if your sister remarries.


In all you do, use respect, faith, trust and love to measure your actions and reactions.

Answer 4

I am newly married and coming in as a step parent. My husband and I have been together almost two years. we just got custody of one of his sons full-time. His son is 11 years old. He likes to rebel against both dad and me. What I told him was he could keep treating me like crap and he could have his time at home miserable or we can make it fun by working together. So his dad and I just sat him down and talked with him to tell him, he could live miserably or happily. He needs to choose. You be surprised how much kids know now a days. He finally got wind of it for the most part, still can be a pain sometimes, but knows now that dad and I don't play around.

Answer 5

Sit down with your sister and tell her your rules and expectations for the child. If she agrees with it, then both of you sit down with the child and tell her the new rules, the consequences and that mom supports this. The 8 yo is going to buck against it cause it's new, and she's not sure what her mom thinks. If you get on the same page, I'm sure things will eventually settle down. I'm mom to 3.

Answer 6

i wont say that he would not have the perfect to discipline the youngsters. yet what i will say, that if the spouse isn't prepared to step as much as the plate. there is not any longer plenty you're able to do. in case you experience that the youngsters are in threat or being abused in some way. what you may desire to do is talk over together with her and tell her that if she would not kick him out. you will touch new child shielding. he wont get a job if she could desire to no longer inform him to the two get a job or get out. this crap that she says gods will approximately divorce is merely that. gods will additionally says that your no longer assume to abuse your loved ones. ( no longer the right wording interior the bible) yet you recognize what i recommend

Answer 7

you simply set the boundaries and that's all you can do. when the child gives you an opportunity to be involved in their life on a personal level , graciously accept . remember that 8 year olds always buck authority don't take it personally.

Answer 8

I suggest that you try to get to know her. Try to get on her level as far as her likes. but dont argue with her that only gets her what she wants and once she knows she can get under you skin a certain way she will continue to do it. when i say get to know her likes i dont mean to suck up to her because thats not a healthy relationship for a child either. just try to make things fun for her. dont be afraid to act compleatly goofy for some reason kids love seeing adults act stupid in a good way dont teach her any thing negative in the attempt to get her to like you. good luck.

Answer 9

maybe a little compromise. if shes not a super bad kid then let her have her fun i guess. disciplining some one Else's kid is never easy. plus shes 8 its not like shes going out and doing bad things with boys. whats the worse she can do? not clean her room?yell and scream alittle? im sure shes pretty stressed out herself, she just cant drink her problems away yet lol.

Answer 10

It's not about you. She's lost a father and gained a drill sargeant. Maybe you want to give her a break?

Answer 11

Trust in God and ask him for guidance.