Will being Insecure ruin my relationship?

Question

I need help. I'm very insecure about MYSELF. I know my girlfriend will not cheat on me. I'm confident that she loves me. I don't try to control her and I never will. I just can't get over my insecurities. I've had a bad childhood and I find it hard to talk to be open with my closest friends. It really puts a strain on my relationships. I want nothing more in the world than to be open, positive, funny, and consolable, but I feel that it's impossible to have those qualities because I'm too insecure. It really is a self-centered way of thinking. I wish I could just change it, but it is an issue that comes up over and over again. I told my girlfriend that I'm afraid that I'm boring and uninteresting. I don't have many friends and since I work full time and go to college, it's hard to get a hobby. How can I work on this bad aspect of myself. I love my girlfriend and her 4 year old daughter, but I feel like my insecurities may rub off on them. I don't want that to happen. HELP

consentpete: Just because I'm insecure doesn't mean that I don't have my head on straight. As my question states, I have a job and go to college. I am a kind man, but I do have my problems. I treat my girlfriend like gold, and I love her daughter with all my heart. I may sound gay when I say all this, but I don't care. I'm not afraid of my emotions. I haven't "procreated." I don't have kids. I do my very best to make them both feel loved every day of their lives. I'm sure my gf knows this. I just don't want to bring her down. If that happens, I will end the relationship because I truly love her. True love is knowing when to walk away.

Answer 1

Hi, I am still working on my insercuries and I'm older now but this has been going on for years to and yes it will ruine your relationship whether girlfriend, friends or family.

What helped me the most is my x I was with he was awesome in everyway and he was so supportive, I had a really messed up childhood and then was in a 11 year relationship that was abusive in everyway.

What you need to do is know that you are important and the first step you need to make is to start liking yourself and then started loving everything about yourself. Trust me it sounds weird but it's true you cannot love anyone until you love yourself.

You must have so many things about you that are so awesome and talents as well but you hide all that stuff because your insecuries rule your life. This is going to take alot of time to change your thinking into a positive manner but you can do it, I did and trust me I was so insecure it was sick. You need to just be who you are not who your feeelings have made you to be, your feelings that are those of negitive are nothing but bullshit so try and just take every situation that comes up and look at it as being positive even in a small way.

Stop thinking of yourself as not that great because we are all awesome and we all have a right to be who we are but myself I use to let my feelings just rule me day in and day out.

I hated being told I was pretty or that I was good at things and even though I knew I was good at something I would be so insecure about myself that I wouldn't let people see how good I was because those feelings just kept me back from just everything.

Hey all those negitive feelings that come up, and I know it bothers you all day, you think this and that, it messes with your head but you can fight off those feelings and get back to you and like I said it's not going to be easy but you need to start now before it's to late.

What you need to do is just lift your head up high and don't let no one make you lower it especially yourself. You have to know that you are great and wonderful and if you don't see that in yourself then it will never show to others just who you really are.

Well I could carry on for hours on this but hey just know your awesome and start from there.

Sounds like you have a great family to so just take it one day at a time and I hope the best for you.

Chow.

Answer 2

It seems your putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Insecurities really stem from how you percieve yourself and if you believe in yourself. Being open, positive, funny and consolable will not make you less insecure. I'm open, positive, funny and consolable and I deal with insecurities too. In the end, you are who you are. And you know what, everyone, including you, has positive qualities. Focus on those. Some of these could be loyal, honest, not controlling, persevering, hard working and dedicated to your future's success... Those are good qualities that make you a great person. Also, it seem you'r a very capable person. Just the fact your looking out for help means a lot. It means you believe there is a way to work things out.

I personally thing your on the right track. Don't give up, I know by experience it takes time. But slowly, trough life experiences, you will come to realize more and more just what your truly capable of.

Answer 3

You need to start thinking that you are an amazing person one of a kind. To help this thought process you need to do something that will make you feel good. for me when i feel down or insecure i buy a new outfit or pair of shoes. Since your a dude you might not want to do that, but find something that strikes passion inside. This may not mean doing something for yourself but doing for someone you love. You sound like you care for your girlfriend a great deal. Since she a mother it sounds like the two of you a pretty busy couple. Take her out for some quit time just the two of you. Do it spontanously find someone to wacth the kid. Surpise her and she'll love you for it. In return you'll love yourself a little more. It'll help you release your not boring and un intersing that shes with you for a reason. That reason is simply she loves you and know one will treat her the way you do. If you need ideas or help just ask me. i can help.

Answer 4

Well, getting over insecurity is difficult I know this from experience. Sometimes it's as simple as just not allowing yourself to listen to that little voice in your head that tells you not to do/say something because it will make you look dumb or whatever. You just have to work on ignoring that voice, it will be hard sometimes but it's something you have to do and everytime you do it it will get easier. Just take baby steps.

You may want to also look into some counseling if it seems like something you can't get through on your own. It sounds like you have a busy schedule but remember mental health is as important as your physical health and you should make it a priority, even if it's just seeing someone once a week.

Answer 5

It seems that you are earnestly reaching out for help and it appears that you have some unresolved issues from the past that are badly affecting today's possibilities.
My recommendation is to seek counseling. A professional counselor can help you more than any one here. You have a shot at happiness, and you also have a lot on your plate.
These things need to be worked out so that you can move forward in life. There is one thing I'd like to share with you, wellness takes work. You're worth the work. Do it for the woman in your life, do it for the little girl and mostly do it for yourself. You deserve joy!
I wish you well.

Answer 6

i think that being insecure about yourself will definetely affect your realationship try whatever time you have spend it either with your girlfriend and her daughter or spend it on the internet trying to find a hobbie or an activity that takes place when you are not busy do what you can to come out of your shell that nobody wants be creative show a side nobody including yourself has seen

Answer 7

You need counseling; the last thing you needed was to have a girlfriend and daughter at this stage in your life! How dare you find a significant other and procreate, and you didn't ever work on YOURSELF?!

Your girlfriend has a right to see someone who DOESN'T have issues, and your daughter has a right to be raised by a man who has his head on straight! Good luck with all...

Answer 8

I truly think you should go to a counselor or therapist so you can talk about all this. It sounds a bit more like depression than insecurities. You have alot on your plate ~ school, work and a child? Take the time to take care of yourself.

Answer 9

I have the same issue. I would just not think about all the insecurities. It's hard I know how you feel. Try reading books in spare time. It gives you an escape.

Answer 10

You first need to realize what specifically have you thinking that way about yourself. Then you have to keep reminding yourself that whatever it is it is not your fault. We all are insecure about things at times but you must not let it take over your life. When those thought start to creep into your head, you must stop and think. This is just me I am doing this to myself. I have to stop it. Start feeling better about yourself once you do that everything else will start to fall into place.