Dose grandmother have the right to cotroll her grand kids?

Question

My mother in law is always trying to control my house and kids where does she have the right to tell my kids to disrespect me and she has spoke EXTREMELY negatively about me to my son and all our friends.she spreads rumors to all the family and friends that I am a bad mother .she has said things like she has raised my son and she has the athorthy and say at what he does not me. (for the record I raised my son not her just because he spent the night with her before does not mean she raised him )she says and does these things just because I'm a stay at home mom and want let my kids run wild like she did hers.She trying to make my son think I'm crazy because I have pointed out the things she is doing and cause I want turn him loose to do what ever he wants . she makes him think he is grown and can do what ever he wants I have tried to get along with her but its got to the point I can't handdle it any more.way I see it she had her chance to be a good mother and blew it. ?AM I CRAZY OR SHE

Answer 1

you need her out of your life, where is your husband in all this?
if you are divorced then its her being sour grapes and you need to still have a talk with her son.
I will not allow my kids near any one that disrespects me or my husband. As parents our children need to respect us not be taught to treat us bad.

Answer 2

hopefully your husband will have your back on this stuff. we kinda went thru the same stuff years ago...it was more that she had hilbilly ideas about child raising and i knew different...talk to your husband, it is you and him, not her and him...you guys are the parents, and he must think you are a good mom or wouldn't be with you...be sweet to you husband and don't act rudely like your mother in law does, just be kind as possible, tactfully stating that you and your husband (use his name) have discussed how to handle the children and the 2 of you want your children to do these things this way and that's how it's done at your house...at her house if it's a different rule then you may have to abide by it only for as long as you allow your children to be there with out you there as well...kindly explain to your husband, and then your mother in law that children need one set of parents and their rules so that their life is consistent and they know how to behave in a lot of different situations, if the rules are always changing, it confuses the kids...and, make sure that you keep the kids out of the middle of it, no matter what, this is their grandparent and you should never talk down about her in front of them. by doing this you will gain the respect of those around you and she will just be cooking her own goose. if it is too late for that, just stop now...don't let her pull you down to her level...talk to your husband about that you want something different for your son, and not having his mother dog you infront of the kids and even encourages them to disrespect you? just make sure she is not right, and that you are being a good stay at home mom...it is alot of work but well worth it.

Answer 3

i am a grandmother of 2 and in their home their mom and dad rule its none of my business as long as the kids are safe i keep my mouth shut but in my home when they visit or stay all night i am the boss i don't allow the children to do somethings their parents do and in my case the parents know that in my house i am the boss even if mom and dad are here,that doesn't mean i am a Sergent lol i just don't want them to carry drinking cups without lids or put toys in the video game things like that nothing earth shattering but on the crazy question>it sounds like there are 2 grown women using a child as a pawn in a chess game its not right for either to try to make this child choose he is innocent and need to be able to love his mom and grandma without fear of making someone mad my goodness he is just a child after all.where is the dad is this?she blew her chance at being a mother?does that mean your husband is a failure or a bad person?in a case like this its OK to disagree but please don't make the child a prize in a fight.

Answer 4

She feels as if she had failed and thinks the grandchild can be her second chance you wont get her to realize what she is doing but you can get your son to realize. You ARE the mom and it is you child you must keep doing what you doing. She won't stop trying to raise your child she was and is a mom it is instinct to try her best to raise someone. Her children are grown up and she misses having some one depending on her. It will make thing frustrating but you just got to deal.

Answer 5

You are not crazy. I have the same problems with my mother who thinks her opinion is fact. I would tell her that while you respect her as a member of your family she is to respect you in your home or is not welcome. My mother does not come to my house, but I do bring the children to see her and have the same respect for her I would expect from her. When things get hot I usually find throwing a little logic at her will shut her up. She doesn't like logic because it doesn't coincide with her irrational way of thinking - usually she'll walk away refusing to answer, therefor giving me a bit of peace. Good luck!

Answer 6

Frankly, you both sound a little crazy, mostly because of your run-on sentences.
Just tell your mother-in-law that her negativity is no longer welcome in your household, and cut contact with her. Don't call, write, or visit, and use your caller ID to screen out and delete her calls. Let your friends know that you have decided to cut contact with her for your peace of mind and in the best interests of your family.
Then focus on raising your son and doing what is best for him, instead of getting wrapped up in the drama other people cause.

Answer 7

I had the exact situation happen to me a few years ago. The only thing that resolved it was having a serious talk with my husband about the situation. When you're married it's your responsibility to fix problems with your family and his responsibility to fix problems with his family. Tell him, as calmly as possible, exactly what has been happening and how you feel about it. I had to do the same thing and I told him that she was no longer welcome in my home until she could treat me and my family with courtesy and respect. I allowed him to take the kids to see her, but I wouldn't go with them. It took several months, but she finally realized that I wasn't going to allow her to control me or my family anymore. You have to stand up for yourself. If she is behaves this way in front of you and your children - stay calm and tell her what you think of what she just said or did. Then ask her to apologize or leave. If she refuses, then you and your children leave. The key is to stay calm, she's going to blow up at you when she realizes she no longer has control, but if you stay calm, everyone will start to take you seriously.

Answer 8

The key thing you need to do is talk to your husband. You're right, your mother-in-law is entirely out of line, but you will not (at this point) be able to convince her of this. You need your husband to do this, for the sake of your marriage and your children. It is actually bad for them to see their mother disrespected, and it is certainly bad for your relationship with your husband. He MUST stand up for you to his mother. If he won't, insist on couple's counseling. Don't make this an option--he must do this for the good of everyone involved.

Once that process is started, you can determine the best way to interact with her and the rest of your in-laws.

Answer 9

You need to just stand up to her & don't let her tell your son what to do. Talk with your son & tell him that he needs to listen to you, not Grandma! Don't bad mouth her to him, just explain to him that Grandma has different ideas then you have & your his mom & know what is best for him & if he doesn't listen to you he will be in trouble! Don't worry about what she tells other people ( anyone who really knows her probably knows what she's like anyway!) If someone says something to you about what she has said, just tell them that you don't understand where she gets this stuff, she sure does get things mixed up! Where is your husband when all this is going on? He needs to have a talk with her! I'm guessing he doesn't want to make his mom upset with him, so he does nothing! My mother-in-law is very pushy & outspoken, she would come to our house & try to change things & tell us how to do things, but my husband would tell her to go home if she didn't like the way we did things, this is our home, not hers! So she would only come over when he wasn't home & try to boss my kids & I around then. At first I didn't know how to handle it, I'm kind of shy & don't stand up for myself easily, but after a few times I finally got mad & told her to go home or behave & as soon as she relized I meant it, she was a lot better. Now we get along fine. She is even helpful at times. My kids have a loving grandma & they can enjoy being around her. You have to set the boundries in your home & make it clear you wont put up with her crap! You don't have to be mean, or stoop to her level of things, You just have to be firm & say what you mean & don't back down. If she can't get you upset or start problems, then she will quit trying. When she relizes your not gonna change & she isn't welcome when she causes trouble, but you don't hate her & as long as she goes by your rules in your home she is welcome there, then she should change . Stand up for yourself! Good Luck!!!

Answer 10

It sounds like the two of you are being awfully childish and petty. I am glad I am not the husband in the middle of this crap. I bet he gets an ear full from both of you. You and your mother in law need to settle your differences. If not stay completely away from each other.

Answer 11

My MIL on no account visits the two - she refuses flat out and continuously has performed. I even have began to tell the infants the fact whilst they ask if nanny is coming to pass to now, using fact they save telling us it fairly is our fault she would not arise whilst it fairly is hers, and that i'm no longer having that. We used to declare issues like "nanny is busy" or "your uncles can not get a time without work paintings" and so on. i've got stopped doing that, they're sufficiently old to comprehend that it's not real. We used to ought to do a three hr holiday to hers and end the nighttime (she moved abode from an hour away to 3 hrs away btw) yet now we are no longer allowed to try this even. we ought to continuously meet interior the midsection someplace as she desperate to get a foul canines that assaults something that strikes so we are no longer allowed to take the infants there. She did positioned it into kennels in one day two times, however the 1st time we've been asked to pass away fairly much as quickly as we've been given up so she ought to get this nasty situation back. Then she desperate she could no longer pass away it in there anymore (she reckoned it pined... it actual attacked 2 different canines interior the path of the bars and had to be separated - i think they have been asked to no longer carry it back) we are purely allowed to connect up if she makes a decision a appropriate day - this has to coincide with the two her different sons (who nevertheless stay along with her) getting a time without work paintings, and them no longer having paintings to do of their backyard. She would not opt to be certain her grandkids I reckon.