Our friends 2yr old hits our 3yr old everytime we get together, what do we do?

Question

Every time we hang out with our friends their 2yr old hits our 3 yr old or scrapes her face for no reason. She'll just walk up and BAM. They are good friends of ours but this has happened way too many times and it's not fair to our daughter, even though she still likes playing with this girl. We told them until it can be gauranteed that our daughter won't be hit anymore they can't play together...which basically means we won't be hanging out very much at all. They got very offended but I don't know what else to do. I understand hitting every now & then, taking toys, pushing etc but not hitting/scratching every time for no reason. They make the excuse that "she doesn't understand" but i don't buy that. I also think they are slightly jealous of our daughter b/c she's very smart & well just good (most of the time, she's not perfect!). So it seems like when our daughter does something wrong they enjoy being like "noo ___ don't do that". DO u agree w/ what we did? What would u do?

Answer 1

what you did is very reasonable.. I think you were quite understanding.. especially considering the other kid is a year older.. if they were the same age, you could teach your kid not to take it, but a year is a pretty big gap at that age..

Answer 2

it is unfortunate but this is true children live what they learn if parents hit the child to punish the child may hit back in other case the parents may not hit at all and the child may be very abusive not realizing that this hurts. My daughter only bit my son once I bet her back and she has never bit again some times the child's needs to relate what there are doing with how it affects others. but I agree with you I would have done the same.. My son is so smart and so passive he was coming home from Prue-school with bruises cuts scrapes and bite marks when I addressed the teacher she did not know how this was happening then I came to pick my son up early and found the teachers daughter beating the crap out of my son who was crying and just standing there taking it. Man he is too passive but my son is no longer in that school. As a mom you did the right thing friends or not if they can not control there child you can at least protect yours...

Answer 3

A two year old doesn't quite get it yet. I don't think not playing together will solve it. It can be a good learning experience for both of the kids to keep playing together. I think it may just need to be constantly supervised until the two year old "grows out of it". Gently reprimanding (never yelling) at the child when she hits may be better and may help her to understand not to do it. Babies learn by repetition and that is the only way she will learn not to do it. Terrible twos and all that!

Try it again and try the monitoring and make sure that your friends know that you will be reprimanding the child, too, and that you will accept if they have to do the same to your daughter.

I went through this years ago with a relative and it was really hard. They were only three months apart and often their grandma (my mother in law) took the side of the older child, my niece. We persevered, though, and realized that kids will be kids even if it involves rough play.

Good luck. Try again and try to remember that your friends love THEIR daughter as much as you love yours!!!

Answer 4

I think you're raising your child to be a prima dona that is going to have a lot of disappointment in her life when she becomes an adult and finds out mommy can't fight every battle.

If your daughter still likes playing with the other child, you should stay out of it and let them work it out. Your daughter would eventually fight back and the 2 year old would learn not to pick on her.

Are you really going to try and tell me that a 2 year old is mentally developed enough to evaluate your daughter's level of intelligence and then form a hostile stance against her because of it? Give me a break.

I don't agree with what you did. I think you're going overboard is trying to protect your child from the world. If I was the friend, I'd tell you that it is a relief I don't have to spend time with you and your spoiled brat anymore.

Answer 5

I believe you absolutely did the right thing. And at 2, a child understands but just doesn't have impulse control. That does not mean that you don't discipline, you just expect it to take forever to sink in. In the future, if it is this child or another, the best thing to do is make a huge fuss over the child that got hit. If little kids see that others get all the attention, they'll quit.

Answer 6

Well--friendships are great but your first role is to be a parent here--and you did that--so congratulations--I have also been in a situation where a close friend of mine--who did not have kids--just did not behave appropriately with my son--it was very sad but that friendship drifted away--it had to go--she was over the top with my son--not on purpose--but she didn't know how to act with kids--and well--my son is always around me--Relationships change and evolve with every new stage of our lives--Now that you are parent--well--some of your old friendships will change or end and you will make new friendships with people who parent in ways similar to you--that is reality--Again--be glad that you were there noticing what was happening to your daughter--so many parents just do the social nicey-nice thing to save friends or maintain the status quo--you were being aware of your child and her needs and you placed those first above your own need for friendship--good job!

Answer 7

yes the wonderful hitting stage. You ned to also help correct the child as well, cause if they dont you have the right to set punishment by firms NO and sitting them out. If the parents dislike this , tel them they need to take control or you will do whats best for your child by correcting theres.

The child needs to know that hitting is wronge, just get eye to eye and speak nice and slow explaining that hitting is bad.

Answer 8

I think that you have to do what you feel is best for your child. But please remember, you can only do so much to discipline a child's personality. I'm the mother of four, and my third child is two, and just exactly like your friend's child. No kind of punishment seems to make her stop her aggressive behavior, and I feel awful about it. She understands that she shouldn't hit, bite, etc.--she just enjoys it. One moment she can be playing sweetly, and the next she can have her sibliings or playmates screaming in pain. I feel for your friends, and for you.

Answer 9

its touchy, but no, I personally wouldnt ban my daughter from playing with a tot who hits. My girl, like yours, is quite well behaved, and she gets roughed up by some of the baby boys in the family, but she just comes running to me. If the parents are good friends, dont be afraid to just do a little discipling yourself. The hitter has got to hear it from SOMEBODY!

Answer 10

I have no kids, but when kids misbehave in my house I lay down the law. It's my house, you will get the boot if you don't obey house rules, which includes not being overly loud or annoying, and the obvious no hitting, no picking on others and so forth. Basic moral stuff.

I will not let kids get away with being annoying. I once took away a boy's food because he was picking on his mother and his mother was doing nothing. He went for a crying face then changed it up right quick.

Point is, don't tolerate that crap. If your friends allow it in their house don't let your kid go there, but if they're at your place don't allow it.