my family real or not...? should i have known about this at 14?

Question

well im 14 and living with my nan and step grandad.. when i was 8 my auntie told me something that changed my life she told me that my real mam didnt want me and she left me with her mam and her step dad.. i can remember when i use to got visit them on a saturday but only slightly carnt remember what they look like or neything.. but i was 8 whn i was told this and had tryed tyo forget it because my auntie told me not to say neything. but back last month i found a letter from my real mam saying she has 2 children and living in west sussex but i carnt under stand why she didnt want me or why she left but i sitll not surposed to no about this and i dont no what to say or do..???

should i tell my close friend about this and have some1 to talk to im not sure of it??? what would you do?

i carnt tell my nan because i don't no what to say and plus my aunt sed not to say neything

Answer 1

I'm betting your "nan" already knows the situation since she's the one raising you. I'd talk to her about the letter you found.That way you don't have to bring your aunt into it. You might not be able to understand the decisions your mother made, but at least you can talk about it and learn to come to terms with it. Maybe if she started a new life, she left you with your nan to keep you in a stable place and not disrupt your life.

Good luck

Answer 2

You can ask your nan and you should. If you don't want to involve your aunt or mention the letter just ask your nan what happened with your mum? Your nan knows that one day you will ask this question, she possibly has been putting off telling you the truth, thinking she will when you are older but it is very natural she is trying to love and protect you for as long as she can. It will probably be a great relief to your nan when it is all out in the open. If your nan thought you would never ask then from a baby she may have got you to refer to her as mum instead of nan so you see as I said she knows you are going to question the situation one day. You sound secure and happy so I imagine you are loved and you also love your nan and step grandad very much? I wouldn't mention it to even your close friend until you have had words with your nan. Only she can give you answers. Your mum may have been very young, your dad may not be the dad of the other 2 children and she perhaps went away to start a new life. It does seem strange that apart from a letter she hasn't kept in touch with her own mum or yourself but it could be for reasons you could never think of. No use imagining things, you are now 14 and natural you want to know about your past. Hope things work out so well for you and remember to give your nan a big hug for all the good care she has taken of you, I think you are indeed very precious.

Answer 3

Tell her you found the letter. And the reason she didnt want you wasnt because she didnt love you but because she knew in the most unselish manner that she could not provide for you the way your nan and step grand dad can. Be happy she wasnt selfish and allowed you to live in a more stable environment. At age 8 when you found out you should have questioned now your 14 and able to ask the right questions and understand the answers. Start asking nan.

Answer 4

Steph, you should talk with your nan,tell her that you found the letter from your mother and about the children and where she lives.
This will not implicate your aunt,even though to be honest she had no right to tell you without your nans permission.
Your nan & step grandad have clearly did an amazing job bringing you up,and you must always remember this.
Your nan i suspect was waiting till you were 18 to tell you about your mum,as she does'nt want you to leave.
She loves you,and all she is doing is protecting you from getting hurt emotionally.
Speak to her and just be honest and ask the questions you want answering,why your mum left etc.
It will be hard for you both but you deserve to know the truth,especially since you have seen the letter.
Tell her you love her very much and you don't want to hurt her feelings but you would have needed to know one day.
Your mum may have had good reason to leave,and the longer your away the harder it is to turn the clock back.
I hope you find what your lokking for but just remember who loves you and who brought you up in all this.

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 5

sweetheart - your aunt is a very selfish person for giving you all this worry for all this time and i am really suprised that you have kept all this to yourself.

your mother might have been too young at the time and unable to cope with being a parent, or might have had some other reason for not being able to look after you.

your nan and step grandad are really wonderful people, so please don't resent them for keeping this from you, they may have planned on telling you about this when you were a little older as it is quite a lot to deal with.

wait until you are on your own with both of them and just tell them what your aunt told you, give them the letter and say you know about it - explain to them that you don't love them any less and that you will always see them as your parents, but just that you would like to know a little more about where you came from.

be prepared for some things that you might not want to hear, to feel a little hurt - not that they could really say much to you that would hurt you anymore than what your aunt told you.

if you don't tell them that you know and they over hear you talking about it to your aunt or to your close friend then they will be devastated that you felt that you couldn't talk to them about it - and you don't want to hurt them. there is also the possibility thast when you tell your clsoe friend they will tell either their mum or your nan about it, because its a really big thing to deal with and your friend might not be able to handle something like this.

i hope you get everything sorted and that you eventually get the chance to meet your birth mother if you havent met her already.

good luck

Answer 6

First of all you need to understand that your nan and step grandad raised you and you should have no resentment or ill feelings towards them. Also, I think if you know you need to talk to your nan about it. Doesnt matter what your aunt says because keeping this inside is only going to make you more confused. And the way you say that your aunt told you that your real mom didnt want you and left you makes me understand that your aunt and your real mom dont get along and your aunt is being bias about the situationa and you really need to talk to your nan about this. Dont go to your friends because I dont think they will understand and may even shun you out as an outcast. Please talk to your nan. Good luck sweety!

Answer 7

I really think you should speak to your nan and step granddad about this, they have raised you and probably love you like a daughter and would be devasteted to think of you carrying this confusion and hurt.
I'm not quite sure what to think of your aunt, she should never have told you this really, and at such a young age in a very hurtful way, whatever her reasons she was very very wrong and to tell you to keep it a secret is just not fair on you.

please speak to your nan and forget what your aunt made you promise, its the only way you will get answers and im sure she will be expecting you to question all this soooner or later.xx

Answer 8

I have seen something like this before in short you are a lovely kid thas for sure... and you may find that there IS help and advice for you.. Approach a senior teacher official at school and have the appropriate dept contacted. You will get to see (hopefully ) a counseller but they have nmany guises dont worry your school nurse is an excellent start.. that way your secret is secret til you are able and aware