I am so angry with my mother! How to deal with this?

Question

My grandma is a diabetic and she didn't take her diabetic pills for 2 weeks and had to go to the hospital. She said she can't afford her pills and her doctor offered to put her on insulin shots. My mother told her if she chose to take the shots, she would buy her the insulin and syringes and it's alot cheaper than buying the pills but my grandma said no, she will not take shots. When she got sick my mother had no sympathy for her. She said my grandma eats out every night and goes gambling and she does but does my mother have to be so cold hearted about this? This is not the first time my grandma had to go to the hospital for this and my mother says my grandma needs to get her top priorities straight. Who's right?

Answer 1

Well, considering we don't know your family, based on the info you gave I'd say your Mom is absolutely right. Your Grandma is diabetic, not insane. She's making selfish choices. Your Grandma is spending money where she wants to (and it isn't on her health!) if she's using her money to gamble and going out to eat all the time.

Your Mother is probably feeling hard hearted about this because its unfair that your Grandma isn't taking care of herself and keeps putting the family through hospitalizations and worrying. She doesn't seem to care how stressful this is for your Mother. It's stupid to save money on pills so you can gamble and go out every night, when you know you're going to end up in the hospital -- which is not exactly cheap. Get angry with your Grandma, not your Mother. Your Mother offered her a gift by offering to pay for the insulin. The insulin would keep her healthy, with no excuses.

Answer 2

I can understand both points of view. Many diabetics go into denial after diagnosis. There's so much information to take in and then you're told of all the possible complications, it's scary, so many people go on as normal, not admitting they have to change their life-style. I can understand why your mother says she has no sympathy...she's scared of the consequences of grandma not taking her meds. Your mom isn't cold hearted, just frightened and at the end of her tether. Believe me, insulin shots are the last thing Grandma would want. She needs an appointment with the nurse or doc who is monitoring her diabetes, and a member of the family to accompany her. They should tell the doc/nurse what's really going on with Grandma. She'll get a good talking to, made to feel like a naughty little kid, but if just part of the conversation sinks in, it will be worth it. When the nurse or doc talks of possible heart attacks, strokes, kidney failure, to name just a few, Grandma may sit up and listen. Don't be too hard on your mom, she's tried her best. Good luck

Answer 3

Well, unless your Grandmother is very old and her mind is not working right, then your Mother is 100% right. If Grandma eats out every night and has the money to gamble, but won't buy her medication, then she does have her priorities all out of order. Perhaps your family should get together and take a close look at your Grandmother's lifestyle. Is she very old and not making sound decisions? Is her gambling a problem? You obviously love your grandmother very much and I understand why you are offended at the attitude your mom took with her, but your Mom is right. Can you talk to grandma and maybe get through to her? She might listen if it came from you.

Answer 4

I think your mother is right in this situation. Your grandmother is being pretty stubborn about her actions, or should I say lack of. If your grandmother is in fact eating out every night and gambling, then she needs to know that her medication is more important than that. If she wont take shots, which your mother would end up paying for, than that's your grandmothers fault for not giving up some other things to afford her meds. Your mom is just fed up with it and is not giving her any attention because maybe that's what your grandmother wants. Maybe she's being this way because she needs attention. I would try to give her a reality check but be the nicest you can and respect what your mom is doing. She's trying to help your grandmother as well. GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Your grandmother is responsible to make sure she takes her medications and proper care of her health -- she is a grown up.

Your mother offered help, but your grandmother made a choice and refused the help. (by the way, the shots don't even hurt! the needles are so little and sharp, they just feel like a little tiny pinch)....

Your grandmother also made the choice to go out and eat every night, gamble and neglect herself. It's ok to do things we like, but when you spend money on entertainment that you need for medication, that is irresponsible.

The truth is, we can't control what other people do.

Your mother is right -- your grandmother needs to get her priorities straight if she wants her health to improve. Your mother was kind enough to offer help.

Perhaps she doesn't care about her health anymore? I dont know.

hopefully, your grandmother will change her mind, and take care of her health.

Answer 6

I would say that BOTH are right to a certain point. Grandma is right cause she IS an adult. She knows the consequences and can choose to do the right thing or the wrong thing. Eating out and gambling may not be the right things, but she IS an adult. Your mom is right, too. She only wants what is BEST for grandma. She wants her to live a long life and take care of herself right. If your mom is always having to run grandma to the hospital, then I don't blame her for getting upset with your grandma. Your mom is taking time out from HER schedule to run your grandma around when really, if your grandma had taken better care of herself, then your mom wouldn't have to take her to the doctor and hospital, etc....... I hope your mother always speaks kindly to your grandma, and I hope that you don't choose sides. We are to respect our elders, so your mom needs to respect grandma, and you need to respect grandma AND mom.

Answer 7

Well, if it is true that your grandmother is not very responsible with her money then your mother would be right. If she really spends her money on eating meals out or gambling instead of spending it on medicines that keep her body functioning properly then she does not seem to have her priorities in order. Your mother is offering to help by paying for the insulin shots, and i believe that she is sound in her decision not to pay for the more expensive medicines. Why should your mother pay for the more expensive medicine while your grandmother haphazardly spends her money on superfluous things?

If your mother was just completely abandoning your grandmother I would say she's wrong, but your mother is offering to help in the way she can.

Answer 8

Cold hearted or not, I have to agree with your mother. If your Grandmother has the funds to eat out and go gambling, but claims she can not afford her medication, she DOES need to get her priorities straight. If she thinks her pleasure is more important than her medication, why should anyone else step in and pay for her? She is not a child. She is old enough to know better.

Answer 9

Hey man , This a problem faced by all generations.
Your mom may thing of giving a better future to you and not giving much in looking after your grandma, but this doesn't mean she doesn't like her. If think of from the time ur mom came as a bride to ur grandma, you'll find that she took care of her and withheld ur home. But man! sometimes the burden of responsibilities comes to such an extent that one cant think and act normally.
In ur case, i think that u must show ur mom that u will carry urself on ur own and then may be she could breath properly and be able to handle the situation. Dont go with my id, im good at heart.

Answer 10

I think it sounds like your mom is frustrated with her mother for gambling with her health, especially since this disease can cause blindness, amputations, even death.

I don't understand why your mom is willing to only pay for shots but not pills. Is she that poor? I think she should help to pay for the pills as far as she can afford it, or at least pay part of the cost (maybe pay the amount she would have paid for shots). But on the other hand she is very right that Grandma is a grown up person and is putting her own life in jeopardy and she is herself responsible for the outcome.

I'd stay out of it between the two of them and maybe show some sympathy for either one, but tell them you don't need to hear one of them bad-mouthing the other and refuse to enter into a tug of war with them. You've got enough to do growing up and making your own life. Mom and Grandma are old enough to deal with adult problems maturely.