Over 2 years ago, I rented a house with my bf. Not long after moving in I had a breakdown and went into serious depression, I have had problems with depression for years and it finally got on top of me.
I couldn't get out of bed each day, let alone earn a wage so we were really tight on cash. My Mum found out about it when she popped down one day and saw the state of me and the house.
She asked us if we wanted to live back with her and my Dad. After thinking about it, we moved back in but now it turns out that she only invited us back because she wants money from us paying her rent every month.
For years she has taken money off us, if I say no - she plays the guilt trip untill she gets more and we never get it back. On top of rent (which I don't mind paying), she has had thousands off us.
Now; we hate living here. They are always noisy & inconsiderate. What can we do? How can I stop myself from feeling guilty to move knowing she can't afford living without our rent??
2007-03-14 04:36:24 · 20 answers · asked by LauraMarie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i think that, if you are not already in therapy and getting treatment for your depression, that could be first on your "to do" list.
secondly, take care of YOUR needs... if your parents need money, they can earn their own. you are not responsible for their finances.
i think it would be most healthy to discuss this with a therapist -- who will likely tell you the same thing i've said...
you and your boyfriend would probably be better off in your own place.
take care.
2007-03-14 04:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When u say she had taken money off u and your bf, do you mean other than rent?
Do you notice that you've always had a choice? To stay or to move out. You've basically chosen to stay, at least till now.
We humans ALWAYS makes the best choice at any time. The reason you are staying put, whatever the reasons for doing so, basically means that to you, there's more benefits in staying rather than moving out(it could be that as much as they are noisy and inconsiderate, it still beats having u feeling guilty by moving out, or other reasons).
Is there any possibility of having a win-win situation here?
What's the reason for wanting to move out? Is it just the noise and their inconsideration? Or the money that she's asking for you?
How about exploring ways to handle the noise, the inconsiderations and the money issues?
Getting overly emotional doesn't help with your situation. I know it's easier said than done. However, just focus on what you want to achieve whenever things gets a little off.
At the end of the day, ask yourself what's most important to you. We live our lives but once, treasure it.
Good luck.
2007-03-14 04:50:54 · answer #2 · answered by Citronella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How did she afford to live BEFORE she was getting your rent? Look, the way I see it, you have two choices: A) You stay where you are, being unhappy, feeling resentful, risking a return of your depression problems and risking a permanent breakdown of your relationship with your Mum all because you feel guilty. or B)You and your boyfriend move out, and concentrate on your lives. I know what I would choose. Find a house that you and your bf can share happily, and then get on with your life. Feeling guilty is like sitting in a rocking-chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
2007-03-14 04:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by lululaluau 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to live your life for you. Take a look from the other way round, would your mum do the same for you? I think you now have your answer. Just be brave because you are not the parent here and she will have to learn to cope without you. She keeps asking because you keep giving. Get out and have some fun and live for you and your boyfriend cause one day you might find him gone cause he has no emotional ties to your parents.
Good luck - i know it is easier to say than do but when you do you know you should have done it ages ago.
2007-03-14 04:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by alice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to move out, it's not healthy for a couple to live with the in laws. I lived with mine for 18 months and we almost spilt because of it.
Sit down with them and explain that you need your own space and that you are ready to get a place of your own now. Your boyfriend sounds as if he must be very supportive standing by you all this time, he'll back you up surely.
You have to make the decision to do this very soon, the sooner you tell them, the sooner you can start looking for a new place.
2007-03-14 04:44:58 · answer #5 · answered by Nickynackynoo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They're special programs that can help your mom get on her feet as far as for you, you need to get out of that house and do your on thing. You know what would be a great solution? Depending where you are at get a house that has two houses on the land or get a house with acres and add to the back of that, have your mom live in the second house behind you so that she can live rent free. No matter what, family should never turn their back on another because they only have each other.
2007-03-14 04:50:30 · answer #6 · answered by Careatha 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It could be that your mum is also lonely, and she missed you when you moved out.
Can you afford to rent a property now,
you could try talking to her, and telling her that you really appreciated the help she has given you will you were ill,
But as you are now stronger, you would like to get your own place.
As for the money she would miss, could she get in a lodger, and then you would not feel guilty over the money she would miss.
I hope your mother is not laying the guilt trip on you, as that would not be nice of her.
2007-03-14 04:45:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to moveout so she can stop feeding off of you and your bf's cash flow! You guys need to get out on your own again. It would be the same as it is now, since you pay her for rent only it would be much quieter! Your mom should not be taking advantage of you like that, sorry!
2007-03-14 04:41:05 · answer #8 · answered by lovin' life... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if she is just sponging off you... She i staking rent money, and extra! I Would move, and if she really is that desperate for cash when ur gone, maybe you could lend her a little? You've got nothing to loose if you are already paying rent + loads extra!
2007-03-14 04:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one - you shouldnt feel guilty though. Your parents will have to learn how to manage their money. Its not your problem and they should feel guilty asking you for rent. Move out and get on with your life otherwise your relationship with your boyfriend AND your parents will become strained beyond coping point.
Good luck.
2007-03-14 04:43:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋