Do I tell her she doesn't look good in her clothes?

Question

I have a younger relative who USED to have a nice figure, & she always wore sexy clothes. (tight pants & dresses, short skirts, tube tops, etc..)

Now, after two children, she does not have that figure anymore. She is huge & out of proportion, however, she still wears the same kind of clothes, & it looks a mess.

Family members have told her that she shouldn't wear those types of clothes until she loses some weight, but she just ignores them, gets mad, and she might feel the same way if I say something to her. On the other hand, she has always looked up to me, so she MAY listen to me.

Every time I see her, I am embarrassed for her and myself. When she comes around my friends, or to bars that she knows I hang out at, people look at her in disgust, & they know she is my family. My friends think I should "school" her, but even though she is younger than me, she is still grown.

She needs to understand that she can look and feel sexy if she wear clothes that flatter her body

I just wanted to clear something up. I don't have a problem with her being fat. I know kids could do that to you.
(I have two myself)

No matter what your weight is, there are clothes out there that will flatter your body.

I have to give you an example of how she dresses.

She probably weighs about 250lbs, and she has a gut that hangs over her you know what.

Last Friday when we went out, she wore a pair of jeans that barely came up past her hips (you could see her butt-crack), and a form fitting halter top that stopped before her belly button.

She had rolls hanging out of the front of her shirt, the side, and back. It was terrible.

I have tried going shopping with her and picking out things and telling her how good she looks, and her response was "You are not going to have me walking around looking like somebody's grandma"

It was no where near a "grandma" outfit, but because it didn't look like it was painted on her, she didn't like it.

Answer 1

She is a relative and even if she was your closest friend I would stick with the truth. Tell her that you love her and that you don't want anyone talking about her- tell her that she is beautiful and that at this stage in her life things have changed- and when things begin to change - you must change also- talk about the different people in your lives that have changed.
Help her deal with the changes, take a day out and go shopping- just you two( no kids)- try out clothes and just have a nice time- but remember if what she puts on does not fit or she looks bad- you should tell her at that moment.

Answer 2

I can see both sides of the problem. On one hand she's is a grown woman, she can make decisions. On the other hand, you have to hang out with her, and she reflects your family. I would suggest telling her how it makes you feel. Try to put a positive spin on it though. I understand that's hard, but it might work.

But like you said... she is grown, she's gonna do what she wants. And even if you don't think she looks good, she might. You might just want to show her how good she can look with clothes on that fit her properly (take her to a store and have her be your model, or something like that, then you pick out all the clothes for the day and compliment how nice they look).

Good luck!

Answer 3

Be gentle if you tell her. I know that it took me a long time to realize that after 3 kids I was not sexy anymore. I lost weight and am on the track of being sexy again. It is hard for people that were once slender to see that they are not anymore and when she does lose weight it may take her awhile to realize that she is thin again. It took my mother-in-law giving me some smaller pants to realize that I was no longer a size 18. Now I am a size 12. Help her with weight lose and be there for her.

Answer 4

I concur (agree) that once you have had a baby you do look "out of proportion" and you don't have the "bagin body" anymore. However, if "school her" a light bulb will turn on in her head and she will say ok I need to loose some weight. So instead of telling her that the clothes she is wearing is horrible and that she can't wear them again, tell her that she can wear those clothes again if she go work out with youi. Encouragement is the key. Go work out with her you never know it could lead to something fantastic!!!

Answer 5

Let's imagine that counseling her on her fashion sense makes her dress a lot better. There's one complicating factor, for you, as her friend: It may devastate her and make her dislike you permanently. She clearly dresses the way she feels comfortable, and any suggestion that it's no good will come as a cold hard slap.

I wouldn't, unless you are willing to end the friendship over this issue.

Answer 6

My options on clothing are, I wont positioned on some thing because each body else is donning it. i visit`t in any case considering that I`m a lot taller than maximum of the girls my age. at the same time as it includes clothing I positioned on... a million. What i love 2. What seems sturdy on me diverse body varieties pull of diverse issues.

Answer 7

I wouldn't say anything unless she asks. If she asks, "Do I look fat in this?" Say, "YES!!!!!" Give her the truth!!!! And, try not to go where you know she will be, if she embarrasses you THAT much. Avoid her. But, remember, it is not what is on the outside (why we like people). You may have something about YOU that others are dying to tell YOU about, too, so beware.

Answer 8

I don't know, that's a tough one. It's already been called to her attention, so she is aware of the fact that she doesn't look good in her clothes. It seems like from here on out, it's her decision.

But if you want, you could always say something to her.

Answer 9

Other family members have already informed her of this. What do you stand to gain by telling her what she already knows? Just be her friend. Fat people like to have fun, too. Just walk around Disney World on a hot day and look around. She has plenty of company.

Or, as Rodney Dangerfield said in "Back to School", "So take it from me, Thornton Melon...if you want to look thin,
you hang out with fat people."

Answer 10

You could try saying something to her, but it probably won't do any good. She's going to dress the way she feels comfortable. Unfortunately the way she is comfortable being is an embarrassment.