he told me that if I kick him out of my house he will trash my house and beat the crap out of me. I dont want to go to the police because I am always hoping it will get better. I know I will be better off without him but I really love him. I am stupid for letting him do this too me but it is also easier said than done too. Should I go to the copps before anything else happens, or should I let him beat me one more time so I feel there is more of a reason to call the copps. I know you guys are thinking I am stupid but I am just really scared.
2007-03-14 04:09:37 · 39 answers · asked by lmw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need help from an organization that specializes in battered women. There are a bunch of organizations that help battered women. They will put you in a safe house, and assist you with having your stuff moved. If you were hit recently, file a police report. Take this seriously, sometimes women are beaten to death.
2007-03-14 04:13:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK THIS IS SERIOUSE!!!!!! you really need to go 2 the police I mean if your living with your boyfriend and he beats you, you have to do something you cant let him beat you 1 more time just so theres more reason there was enough reason 2 dump him the first time he hit you and the second was police......... also you cant really b in love with someone who abuses you, your just fooling yourself so you dont have to report it to the police you have to break up with him and kick him out of the house after you go to the police and tell them you really scared of this guy..... I dont think your stupid for waiting this long to aks but enough is enough quit foolong yourself an get rid of him if it takes a restraining order then that is what it will take............. I really dont think you should wait any longer go 2 the police asap ok I hope it goes well and there are plenty offish on the sea............. hoped i helped:)
2007-03-14 04:26:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I certainly don't think you are stupid. After just one beating you begin to doubt yourself and your decisions.
The first thing you need to do is go to the police and file a restraining order against him. Keep a cell phone available to you at all times, and after the restraining order is issued, if you even see him driving down your street, call the cops.
Install a really good alarm system in your house and use it!!! Don't go any place alone, only with at least one other person.
It is most likely that he is all talk and no action when the authorities step in because men like him are not brave (they beat women for goodness sake) and when faced with major consequences he will probably see that it is better to find someone new and unsuspecting and leave you alone.
God Bless you through this difficult time and God be with you.
P.S. Please don't wait for another beating, it is not necessary and you could be seriously injured!
2007-03-14 04:15:35 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start planning your get-away. Pack ONE BAG of your most treasured items and clothing. Call the cops AND the women's shelter. If he lays a hand on you, have a camera ready, and have a friend take pictures of the bruises, and of the mess in the house. Go to the law the minute you can. Do NOT believe him when he says he is sorry. I know a gal who got beat a lot, and she finally called the law. Her husband promised to get counselling. He went to counselling for TWO sessions and then quit. Then, the day came when he chased her down the road with a gun aimed at her, and their little kids were screaming, etc...... WOMEN DIE at the hands of abusers. They die.
You THINK you love this guy, but that is NOT love. Love is something gentle that loves you back in the same way that YOU love. What you feel is the old, "Oh, poor thing. He is messed up, but I will love that anger, etc... out of him. I will rescue him from himself." The motherly, poor thing syndrome.
He not only is physically beating you, but he is mentally beating you. You are going to become a pathetic, scared, little mouse who cannot bear to be around others. The more control you let him have, the more he will take. Today he is beating ON you. Tomorrow, he will beat you in front of your children (or whoever), and then he will move on to beating the children (or your mother, or whoever). He will NOT get better!!!
You have taken the first brave step, by admitting this to others. Now, you MUST act upon it. Sure, you will provoke his wrath, but he is going to get angry sooner or later anyway. Might as well get it over with. Call the law, ask to put up a restraining order against him. This probably won't stop him, though. Have some friends move in for a few weeks. Or, better yet, get yourself around to go to the women's shelter. Call your local Division of Family Services, and see how to get in to the shelter, and GO!!!!! Your life is much more important than your THINGS. Go to the shelter, AND put out a restraining order so that he cannot go near your home while you are gone. Tell you mom and dad what is going on. Tell EVERYONE. If anything happens to YOU, they need to know who did it. But, if you go to the law, the shelter, and your family, chances are he won't bother you anymore. Men who beat on women have ISSUES. Serious ones, and they are cowards. GET AWAY FROM HIM AT ALL COSTS!!!!!! Go to stay with a relative who lives in another state. ANYTHING!!!!!
2007-03-14 04:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound psychotic to some, but I've been there not long ago. Some place the police won't do anything if it's not happening at this moment. I say, wait until he's about to flip out and either leave and go to the police station, or call the police. I know you love him, but this is the only way, trust me, or it will get WORSE. He might come to his sensed after that, or if he doesn't, Im sure you can find better.
2007-03-14 04:16:38 · answer #5 · answered by chanique 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love with your eyes open. Who asks you to love someone blindly? Do you enjoy living with someone so violent & abusive? It sounds so traumatic & damaging to the relationship. You need someone loving & caring, not the other way round. Wake up!
And what's with him? Why do you want to kick him out? Did you threaten to do so if he mistreats you or something? It's insensible for him to behave this way.
Let's step back and see what got him into this fit. Is it you? Is it him? Is it his past? Source out the problem & try to resolve the issues. There must be something that triggers him to be angry & be hopping mad.
And if he's violent for no rhyme nor reason, I suggest you should harden your heart & call the cops. You don't deserve this type of treatment. If you allow him to carry on, it's not just his mistake, it's also your mistake for allowing him to do so.
Loving him doesn't always mean being with him forevermore. It means you want the best for him. And if it's best for him (and you) to be apart, so be it.
Do not ever put your whole heart to a relationship until you're completely sure that both of you are meant to be. Compatability is very important besides chemistry. And if you've found your true love, put in your heart bit by bit, your heart & mind will be in better control of things.
2007-03-14 04:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by Queenie Tay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact the police...they can be there with you when you kick him out. Change your locks!! Get a restraining order. Get out of that relationship now! I know it's easier said than done but nothing gets done just by talking about it..you need to do something or nothing will change! It will NOT get better, he is an abuser and you can't change him.
You might think you love him, but once you establish your freedom, you'll realize that you're glad to be rid of him. You deserve someone that will treat you with respect, with love, like a lady should be treated. Break the cycle....
2007-03-14 04:14:33 · answer #7 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I divorced my ex, I had to call the cops because he was stalking my home, he was locked out but that did not keep him from leaving. The cops warned him and did not arrest him at my request but asked him to leave. I filed a restraining order. And let him know by phone he was not only hurting himself but embarrassing his children and relatives and could be arrested anytime. This helped some but you will struggle if you don't get help. At least you can have it on record if anything should ever happen to you. Good Luck, life ain't easy for anyone. Coming from a middle class white American girl.
2007-03-14 04:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by knowitall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand..you're torn between loving someone ,who is not always bad, trying to fix it so you can be happy, and being afaid...First you CAN NOT change him or fix him ... he is only going to get worse because he can .......he is a coward , and a bully, and an extremely selfish person.....you must first accept that you have to get out of this situation for you , because you are worth it ....next you have to go to any family members you can and tell them of his threats and your fears ....and his violence towards you..the more people that know the better ...last go to the cops and tell them what has happened and have them help you to remove him and then never ever let him back in the house again..even if he pleads..says I am sorry I love you...you can not let him back in...as a matter of fact if you see him on your property call 911 and tell them you are afraid for your life because you should be......this takes courage on your part , but the alternative of living in fear is worse....DO IT NOW ..as soon as he is out of the house..get friends to help you pack his stuff and put it outside...if his has keys you must change the locks before he gets home and you must go to police before he gets there and tell them what time he will be home and ask them to be there to talk to him...they will explain that if he hurts you or tries to trash your house he will be arrested.........Hopefully it will end there.........also you can call a battered women's shelter who will give you advise.....look online or call information for a phone number...... this is more urgent then you know ...my friends daughter was recently shot by a boyfriend and her girlfriend as well then he killed himself... I hope I am scaring you more then him so you do what I am saying...last after he is out and police have spoken to him ..if you can , move.. .have someone stay with you until you can .........and stay away from him ..please for your life do it... I understand more then you will ever know and am still alive to tell you....
2007-03-14 04:50:29 · answer #9 · answered by connie b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why! are you scared for honey, listen you must not show off to let him know you scared him because he will keep carry on doing like this, the person is hurt will be you only not him, it's your house not his house.. i know if you reveal this problem of yours to the other people, and if they try to help you, if your boyfriend find outhe wil get very angry and he will do more and more, or he may force you to do what he want. don't be scared and don't get to be much worried calm yourself down and let thinkand solve this problem out slowly, but you must not must not leave it be like this it will not be better but it will getting worse, i meant you should do something better than you letting he beat you, go to police and keep the news close, must not let him know you are intouch with police, and tell police the real story, and the right reason don't be nerves when you talking about how he is
2007-03-14 04:32:34 · answer #10 · answered by GonE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋