He's old enough to be on his own, but we took time to teach him the values of getting an education, having security in life, planning for the future. He says he needs to "go for his dreams". He has no license or car, no money, is in a tiny town. I worry about his choice. How can I get myself over this worry and fear and disappointment?
2007-03-14 04:02:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What are his dreams? What plan does he have to reach them? You can ask him to articulate his plans, stay focused on goals and tell you in a month or six months what progress he has made...and then you have to stand back. It's clear you tried your best. There are a lot of people in the world who aren't doing what their parents wanted them to do, and the majority turn out ok with their own choices. A teenager still has lots of time to grow up and rethink choices, and taking a year or two off won't put him too far behind his peers. You might even try to think of this as a smart decision. After all, he is taking a year (or two) off to think about his future instead of just blowing through your money and taking loans before he knows what he wants to get out of college! It's not unusual to take a year off
I work with someone whose son flunked out of college at the beginning of sophomore year (the Mom was in tears, as you can imagine). He spent over a year just delivering pizza to get enough money to hang out with his friends when they came home from school. He just wasn't as mature as other boys the same chronological age. He's now starting to take classes as community college. He's decided he doesn't want to be a pizza delivery man in his 30s. He's starting to talk about going back to college full-time in a year, and is paying his parents back for the money they lost when he flunked out. He has grown up. He's doing it the hard way instead of the easy way, but he's becoming a man in his own time.
Have faith. Say a prayer and hope that he stays safe while he's still young and stupid. Be there for him, so he can come back to you when he's ready to look hard at his life. And don't blame yourself for this...he's just maturing at a different pace. At this point, you can only live with the disappointment but do NOT compare him with other kids he went to school with who are in college....think tortoise and hare. Your son could end up being the most successful and happiest of all at his H.S. 50th reunion!.
2007-03-14 04:30:47 · answer #1 · answered by Neonzeus 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hopefully he'll come around about the realities of life. I can't say, stop worrying, because as a parent it's what we were wired to do! I would say let him find out on his own that the decisions he makes may not be the right ones. I believe it's important to let kids make those mistakes for themselves.. then get out of the hole themselves. If we as parents, keep digging them out they may never know how to live their lives on their own. Teenage son.... sounds young still. He has plenty of time to find his place in life. Go deeper into WHY he's doing this. Is he bad in school? Sometimes school isn't for everyone. Just keep an eye on him and tell him to look closer at his life choices. Hopefully, he'll come around soon.
good luck!
2007-03-14 11:12:40 · answer #2 · answered by InLoveandWar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's a probably hard as a parent because you don't want to see your son waist his life away but it's his life. He may have to fall flat on his butt a couple of times before he realilzes what he needs to do with his life. Just pray and place it in God's hands. He really needs to learn to be independent. I understand he wants to go for his dreams, but how can he do that if he dosn't have a car or money? I wish him well, but it seems like he needs a reality check. He's not going to be able to live with mom and dad forever...
2007-03-14 11:08:29 · answer #3 · answered by kiesha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are worried, you are his mom! I'm sorry, but as far as I've learned from other mothers (including my own), you never stop worrying. The best thing to do is to know that you have done what you can and will continue to be there when he needs you. He is going to make mistakes and they will surely worry you, but he will learn from them and turn out all the better for it. Hang in there mom, and don't push him, as he would be more likely to run to that same path you are trying to protect him from. Good luck!
2007-03-14 11:11:10 · answer #4 · answered by Trish 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray. Let it go to Gods hands.
I have similar situation with my brother. He is 20 years old, and he is tired of hearing us nag all the time.
He is accomplishing nothing.
Every one has their trials and mountains they have to climb.
Tell your son, if he needs to talk you are there. You do not approve of things and the way his life is going. But if he needs to talk you will listen.
Tell him you dont understand why he has chose this path and always dreamed he would have more in life than you ever did.
Tell him you are concerned with him, and you only wish him the best an give advice because you love him not that you want to hurt him.
2007-03-14 11:07:26 · answer #5 · answered by Mia l 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is when tough love is so important...let him go and do whatever he needs to do. If you've taught him those things mentioned then they will come in handy...He's old enough to do what he wants all you can do hope and pray that he will be OK
2007-03-14 11:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Repeat daily as needed:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
When our children become adults we have to let them live and learn. No point in worrying, it won't change what he is doing nor should he. He would resent you for interfering. He'll be okay.
2007-03-14 11:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is something that no t.v or radio can drown out late at night. Those thoughts are gonna run through your mind constantly. Just pray that it will get better. And help him without breaking yourself.
2007-03-14 11:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by Solar Ball 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know this is a tough one
We as parents raise out children to be strong, independant, to stand on our own....
AND YET WHEN WE HAVE THAT WE WORRY
I have learned to try to SHUT UP and let them be.. I am sure in our days our parents did not like or agree with all we did. but how can they grow and prove themsleves If we do not allow it and always there to pick em up. Unless they ASK .... let then be
2007-03-14 11:41:03 · answer #9 · answered by Peggy C 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He'll learn the hard way that he should get a degree. I think that some people are not right for school though.
2007-03-14 11:06:29 · answer #10 · answered by katie M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋