SHOULD I TELL OR NOT & IF I do , how do i say it??

Question

I have a great conundrum, i m 30yr old male. I have been dating but afraid to move on because of one medical problem that i have. I have a leaking valve in my heart due to which i have to get an open heart surgery sooner or later and may have to get that valve replace with an artificial one. I have been to few doctors and they say its not a big deal as its common surgery these days. But I cant seem to past the fact that i have a damaged heart and anything can happen before, during or after a heart surgery. How do i tell this to her, lets say i met her on from online dating sites. or someone who i start caring about. When do i say it on first date, 2nd date. WHEN and HOW, how do i not make it such big deal that people around me are convincing me to believe???

Answer 1

I can understand your predicament--you do not wish to loose a toy which you have found after great and persistent searching.

Whereas your heart condition is concerned it does not seem to be of too great a severity as otherwise anybody around you would have known without much prodding.

Now coming to your problem of HOW / WHAT / WHEN / WHY / WHO ?

I think you should be the first person to tell her yourself, maybe in the 2nd meeting,the first meeting being used to know each other on broader grounds.

It should be told to her in all it's factuality without getting emotional and which should include the entire medical opinion about the condition and it's surgical treatment. Of course, you should add that it is a one off condition which will get cured once treated unlike the nowadays, commonly heard conditions of blocked arteries which tend to recur.

Also, she should be allowed to draw her own conclusions after you have talked to her and maybe even after conferring with her family doctor or thro' Internet sites like yahoo.

This will start your relationship on a firm footing of trust and understanding which will hold both of you in good stead throughout your married-life, if things go well.

Best of luck for your meetings and subsequent operation which you must definitely undergo before you finally tie the knot.

Answer 2

As a girl who's crazy about a guy who had open heart surgery as an infant and a couple of attacks since, and who the doctors didn't think would make it *this* long - don't let that stop you! Life's too short - for all of us - to waste it worrying about "what if". As my guy says - worry less, live longer. And make the best of whatever time you do have - may it be another 50-60 years!

As for how to tell her - it just came up as part of his life history - since he's already had surgery, there were scars to "show off"... I wouldn't call it first date material, since that's all about getting to know more about how fun and interesting you both are. But after a few dates, when you're starting to think about getting exclusive, if you're actually comfortable with her, you should be able to gently slide it into the conversation. Just don't think of it in any morbid way - because your doctors are right, it's not a walk in the park, but it's not the end of the world either.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It is a big deal but it is a big deal that you are dealing with by going to the doctor and that modern medicine can deal with well. It is not something you bring up on the first three dates. I think you should be less worried about when to tell someone you have a leaky heart and more about finding one in general. It is not that easy but when you do and you tell her she will stay if she's any good and leave if she isn't, which is better for you. Wait until after you have sex a few times with someone to tell them. That should be a good sign that you two are in a relationship... unless she is a hooker. Then you can tell her the first time.

Answer 4

I have a prolapsed mitral valve, and will need the same thing eventually. (Sounds the same.) I am 34 and have three children. I wouldn't worry about the condition and let it control you. If you stress over it, you will cause complications.

If you feel that this relationship might go somewhere, I would let her know soon. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.

Answer 5

It's only something you should bring up when you think the relationship is becoming less casual and more serious. Definitely don't mention it before the 3rd or 4th date, there's no need. Don't make it into a big deal, just tell her very plainly.

Answer 6

if you don't know her that well you guys should get to know each other more just to see if the relationship is a serious one. then just tell her, whether it be sitting down for a nice lunch or just over the telephone. yeah she will be worried about you. if you sit her down and let her know that you are serious and its not just some really weird practical joke every thing should be all right.

Answer 7

It doesn't matter if it isn't a big deal to other people - it's a big deal to you. Which is fair, seeing that it is your own mortality brought into question.

Personally, I would simply just bring it up. Just tell her.

Answer 8

So, there are morons in India, after all? Listen, you half baked potato, it does not matter what is going on within you. If she really wants to be with you she will accept you for you! Don't worry about that, worry about how you can be more like me, you moron!!!!!!!

Answer 9

urm ...my ex bf have a heart problem since young as well ...i think if i didnt remember wrongly ...he bought that subject up when i started talking abt the bus passing by a hospital ..... ....
maybe u can try bringing that up when u talk abt heart (luv) , or hospital n stuff like that ....n i think u shud tell them the truth becoz its only rite that they know abt it . .. n if anything happens when u guys went out together , she knows wut to do etc..and moreover , after telling them u'll feel better ..

Answer 10

There's no right answer to this... its a personal comfort issue.... with every person it will at be a different time, whenever is comfortable with that person... probably early on with a good person because you will feel comfortable telling them.