What is parents obligation finacially/well being with an ungratefull 17 yr. old that don't apprieciate?

Question

I have this 17 yr old step-daughter and as a gift my husband wants to buy her a class ring, so we had her choose the style and what she wants on it, but we are on a budget and have 6 other children and have purchased the 10kt white gold instead of 14kt white gold a $130.00 difference, she is complaining and whining and says that it's our obligation to buy her what she wants and needs, because her father promised her. She been living with us for almost a 1 1/2 years because her mother moved to Texas and she wanted to stay and finish school, she has made us feel that we have to do it because her dad owes it to her.

Answer 1

10k 14k whats the difference cant really tell by looking at them can u sounds a little spoiled to me (sorry) i never got a class ring or a yearbook for that matter my dad was going thru his second divorce at the time and we simply couldnt afford it she should be greatfull to be given anything extra with that many kids in the house . and yes she should get herself a job and pay that extra 130.00 for her ring

Answer 2

I have an ungrateful daughter and let me tell you what I did about her class ring. She came home with dreams of a $400.00 + class ring. Well I am not rich and have another child to feed and cloth as well. So I reviewed the magazine while she was not around and priced the basic ring which came to around $152.00 dollars. That was the amount I offered to pay toward the ring and if she wanted any upgrades then she had better find a job. She was mad sulked for weeks but got a job to up grade the ring. We as parents are not obligated by law to offer any more than basic food, clothing, shelter and a safe secure environment. These items do not include designer shoes, clothes, and hand bags nor does it include make up, allowance or Cd's and DVDs. Anything above the necessities are given out of love. Giving into guilt will only fuel this child's attitude of that she can have whatever she wants. We all have had things that went wrong in our lives. You can not use them as a crutch and expect pity. You use them to build character and move forward.

Answer 3

It's nice of you guys to offer to buy her the ring in the first place, you don't "owe" her anything other than food and shelter. The white gold is just fine. She will only wear the ring her senior year and maybe the year afterwards, then she'll never wear it again. And I hope she doesn't give it to a boy when they "go steady" and end up losing it.

Remind your husband that there are other expenses involved in the family and the extra money $130 can buy a lot of groceries, gasoline, and utilities. If the daughter is so worried about it maybe she should ask her mother to pitch in and help out with the cost? I'm sure there are other expenses coming up for her with graduation annoucements, prom expenses, and other things???? She is lucky to have a father who loves her and supports her.

Answer 4

Parental obligation to a child under the age of eighteen is food, shelter , clothing and basic education.

I would let the spoiled brat whine all she wants, you do not need to or rather your husband does not need to purchase her a class ring at all. This young lady should have a job of her own in order to be purchasing such extras.

You have other children to take care of and extra money for a class ring, which is definitely not a "neccesity," is just a waste of money. I hope that your husband realizes that a whiny demanding 17 year old, is going to lead to a whiny demanding 27, 37 and 47 years old. It will never stop.

I am watching a friend of mine right now going through losing her house, which was only about one year away from being completely paid for, because she coddled her grown daughter and her various boyfriends, to the point that she has three grandchildren and the daughter all mooching off of her.

This is pretty depressing watching a women in her mid-fifties lose her house and be moving into this tiny apartment which is barely big enough for her, because she chose to try to" buy" her daughter, and never made the girl responcible for herself.

You need to discuss this in a calm manner with your husband, and both stand strong behind this decision.

I cannot stand spoiled rotten little kids, and spoiled rotten adults or near adults are even more disgusting.

I begain babysitting when I was thirteen, and any extras that I thought I needed came out of my own pocket. It has made me far more responcible than if I had guilted my parents into buying me things.

Good luck and stay strong...and if you hear a mention of the evil step-mother comments, ignore them It is probably going to be easier for her to dump on you rather than her father. I would hope that your husband would be man enough to put a stop to that type of comment.

Good luck to you and your family.
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Answer 5

Someone needs to explain to this girl that the law states because she's a minor her parents obligation to her legally is to provide her with what she needs not what she wants. Needs are a necessity that is required for her to function in her day to day life. Wants are things that she feels she should have to keep up with the Jones'. Now if she's trying to make a fashion statement she can either get a part time job to furnish those things for herself or she can not expect her father to foot the bill but both her parents can split the cost of her wants if they so desire. However she should also be made to understand that she's not an only child an where as that's not her problem it should be her concern that her father has other children to care for as well and she needs to stop being so selfish. Talk to your husband and perhaps suggest that she's sent to Texas to be with her mother because there again, she's with you because she wanted to stay and finish school where she was there was no need for that. That was an educational comfort and luxury for her. I was relocated the summer of my junior year so I completed and graduated my senior year in a different school without my friends. When it came to my education my parents told me WHHS or NBH either way you're getting the education that you need, your not school to socialize with your friends you're there to learn.

Answer 6

Do you have support from your husband on this? Since you are her step-mom and she seems manipulative and controlling, if you and he are not on the same side you'll end up the 'bad-guy' and just get increasingly frustrated.

Parents need to supply housing, food, clothing, and BASIC requirements for school. A class ring is not one of those. If she wants the 14kt ring, have her pay the difference. If she complains more tell her the ring will be cancelled and she will have to pay for it all herself.

We were only a family of 4, but my dad was on disability due to a heart attack. I paid for my ring my self, and it was 14kt.

Good luck - sound like you have a challenge on you hands.

Answer 7

My stepdaughter will turn 25 soon. Her father and mother divorced when she was twelve. She's become a master at manipulating her father's guilt into getting what she wants from him. The money and time we've spent on her and now on her kids! And now we see her kids becoming ungrateful. After a wonderful trip to Disneyland, I printed photos and made my four year old granddaughter and put them in a princess photo album. Before she even opened it she complained that it wasn't the one she wanted. ??

My point, nip it in the bud or she will always be demanding and ungrateful. The other kids are watching to see how this plays out, you can be sure. Good luck.

Answer 8

wow i guess she is pushing it a bit.

maybe as a much wiser adult, you can see where your step-daughter is coming from in terms of what shes feeling and not understanding. the way i see it is that this is a way for her to get some attention from her father since he has another family. she feels like you guys do owe her.

but on another side, her father should talk with ther about the situation. he should explain to her how everything is different now and it is essential to help each other out in a family even if its non-traditional. maybe as parents you guys can help her build more confidence as a young adult so that she doesnt rebel because she probably feels anger from not being a normal family like before.

best advice would be to talk to her. you cant spoil them especially if theyre not appreciative and not considerate.

hope it works out.

Answer 9

Tell her if she wants another ring then get a job and buy it herself or she can be grateful that she's even getting a ring. If she makes an issue of her father owing her, he needs to give her a list of what she owes him for allowing her to stay in his home. Hand her the newspaper with the "help wanted" ad circled in red.

Answer 10

You don't owe her anything but a roof and food. Also at her age I was paying my own bills while still living with my father. Maybe the mother has something to do with it and is telling her that her father owes her. I think you need to put your foots down and tell her that she is getting the ring you purchased or nothing and tell her that she needs to grow up.