Advice please :)?

Question

I've been dating this guy a few weeks now, things are going pretty good, however he has a bad past, and the more I get to know him the worse I am realizing it was....first and foremost he has been out of jail for 10 months now, (not for anything too bad lol) but he said previous to being in jail he cheated on his girlfriend of 6 years and did lots of drugs. Now that he is out of jail he has a suspended license, so I'm the one driving us around when we go out.

Is the saying true "once a cheater always a cheater?" or should I believe that he is a changed person??

I forgot to put in that he assures me he learned his lesson after being in jail and doesn't do any drugs anymore.

Answer 1

everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but if u have that bad gut feeling about him--leave him, i believe that once a cheater always a cheater, he may just b looking 4 someone 2 help get him on his feet then start cheating on u (i'm sorry i'm just being honest-i've been there)

Answer 2

wow.. you can really give forth the effort and try. He may have really learned his lesson. I've heard the line once a cheater always a cheater. But a person can really change, if THEY want to. Don't judge to harsh because of his past, everyone has to "grow up" sooner or later. Best Wishes.

Answer 3

NOT ALL cheaters stay the same... others change if they really do want to change. But about this guy, I think it would be best to know him better. Give it some more time before you come to any conclusion. Time will answer your question if he really changed ( for the good that is ). If you start to become uncomfortable with him or sense that somethings wrong, better end it... ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS... but if all is well and good and getting better after some time, give it a try. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 4

personally i believe everyone deserves a second chance if they want it. I do think people can change. i know its not the same as jail but i used to shoplift and one day i got cought and never did it again. what im trying to say is that if i wouldnt have been cought i would have continued and propably would have gone for more expensive things and so on. Getting cought was crap but it stoped me from getting to where ur bf got. I think there is a pretty damn good chance that he really did learn his lesson and wont do it again. And anyway everyone makes mistakes and nobodys perfect.
good luck

Answer 5

Run, do not walk, away from this guy. You will have no one to blame but yourself if you get involved with a guy who has a criminal past and is a cheater. What are you thinking? Of course he's going to tell you that he's changed. Use your head.

Answer 6

First, it's good that he is being SO honest with you. Maybe he has changed. I would just take it slowly. Time will tell if he really has learned his lesson and changed. If you like him, and he is treating you right, then give him a chance. However, at the first sign of drugs, cheating, or illegal activity....end it quickly. Good luck.

Answer 7

do you know for sure that he isn't doing any drugs? yes once a cheater always a cheater. he sounds like a gold digger make him get his drivers license back so he can drive you around he is using you

Answer 8

But do you believe him? Or do you just WANT to believe him? They say trust your gut. And if you think he's full of it, let it go. Did he admit his transgressions to you himself, or did you find out on the street? Is he in recovery? Does he attend AA or NA? Has he sought counseling? Is he working? Does he contribute in some way to the benefit of the community? If you can't answer at least ONE of these questions with a yes, I think you may have a potential problem.

Answer 9

some people change when they go to jail.some people get out of jail looking for someone to take care of them.If you are giving him money and he leaves for along time he may still be on drugs.If he don't have a job he will have other woman on the side to get their money.My brother does it ,and has the same past as your bf.

Answer 10

I've had a similer past. although i never have been to jail, i was in a professional touring band for 3 years of my life. I lived the s.e.x., drugs and rock and roll lifestyle the entire time i was in the band, and i had a girlfriend of 9 years, that i never cheated on but was very tempted. I did every kind of drug imaginable, I even ended up doing things with my ex's sister, not cheating but other things we won't go into. my fiance just left me because of my past, I have had 2 years of theropy for this and I am a wonderful loving man. I know this, i've been told many many times that all i am is wonderful. She left me because she couldn't handle what i had told her about my past. I know for a fact i would never do any of the things i have already done. I got help for it and i have goals now. I truely wanted to be married to this girl but because of my past she was afraid of having children with me, I'm not a child molestor or anything, she was afraid of what i would do based on my past. but here is my big ****** about it. If you love someone and your willing to spend the rest of your life with someone, you need to be shure of it. You need to put the past aside and work for a future with this person. Love in its truest sence is UNCONDITIONAL.... that means no matter what, you will love them, she has been with 2 other guy's that i know of in the 2 weeks we've been apart, I still love her and would take her back today if she wanted me. It's somthing to think about and might i suggest a song to listen too while your thinking about this

Depeche Mode- "walking in my shoes"

You'll understand where he is comming from if you listen to the words, it may not be your style of music, but its what he is going through, i garuntee it :)


Here are the word's if anyone else is trying to deal with this.

I would tell you about the things
They put me through
The pain Ive been subjected to
But the lord himself would blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet
Forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush

Now Im not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes

Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fates made of me
But I promise you, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldnt have been purer
My case is easy to see

Im not looking for a clearer conscience
Peace of mind after what Ive been through
And before we talk of repentance
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

Now Im not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

Youll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes