Was my Response wrong to "NEW" Son-in-law?

Question

I just paid 14K for my daughters wedding, we drove my daughter & son-in-law to the hotel & then to the airport to fly to Mexico for a week (we paid BTW). At the end of the reception my son-in-law sat us down to assure us they won't make the mistakes that we have made (WTH) but he said he didn't want to offend me. I listen and said "1st I'm not offended) 2nd I've been thinking about your job, I think you should sell twice as much and work 1/2 the time you do, I would change this and that etc, then he said WAIT...you can't do that, no offence he said but you don't know what your talking about, I said I know I've never done your job but I think I could do one hellva better job than you...see I won't make all those mistakes you have...but please don't be offended. He said, you just don't have the experience I have, your ideas would never work. I said yes they will, see at your age (25) I put myself through college , owned a home had 2 children and made better money than you do..I'm smarter

He said you had a better start than me, I said you have 2 very supportive parents, you grew up in a 250k with every advantage in life. I grew up in the inner-city with a single mother, we didn't have money to buy a newspaper. I worked all through high school, graduated 2nd in my class of 2600 kids. I picked up trash, mowed lawns and put myself through school (6 years). Let me know how you do delievering ice-cream in a truck 29 years from now...then we'll talk

Loks like drallls41 is a spoiled brat

Looks like drallls41 is a spoiled brat

Answer 1

I see exactly what you were trying to say to him, but I doubt that he got it. When they get back start over and if necessary, explain. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

This sounds like some sort of strange p'issing match between the two of you. What in the world?

Yes he was wrong for even bringing it up, I'm not at all sure what he meant when he said that he wouldnt be making the same mistakes and I'm also not sure why in the world he would bring any of this up after the reception, thats a very strange time.

BUT you were just as wrong by getting into it with him. You are a grown man and he is a young man, of course he thinks he knows it all, we all did at that age. You should have just smiled and nodded and gone about your business. By engaging in an argument you brought yourself down to his level and you both probably looked like jacka'sses and I would imagine that you both probably embarrassed your wives immensly with your childish behavior.

I think you both owe each other an apology. But from what you wrote about the account, I would doubt either of you would be the bigger man.

Answer 3

You're not wrong in theory, but I doubt I would've gotten into it to this level with the son in law. Handling adult children is a challenge for any parent. He was rude and immature to tell you how you've done everything wrong, but you're older and wiser, and probably should've let it run like water off a ducks back. He's young, and thinks his way is the only way to do things, you remember that feeling, right? How many times did you tell your parents that they had no earthly idea of what they were talking about, but turned out a few years later--not only did they know, but they were bloody geniuses all of a sudden. The rule of thumb I take with adult children...don't offer advise unless it's asked, and then remember you can lead the horse to the water, but can't make him drink it.

You basically turned it into a pi**ing match between the 2 of you, when you kept trying to one-up him. You need to respect him as any adult, and let him (and your daughter) make their own mistakes. And they're gonna make 'em, that's usually the only way we learn, is from our mistakes. Your job is to now sit back and watch. If they need help, they'll ask for it, and just because they ask for it, doesn't mean you have to give it. I love the concept of choice and accountability here--we all make choices in life, and then we have to live with the consequences of those choices, good and bad. Good luck with the new son in law, hopefully he'll add many blessings to your life and your daughters.

Answer 4

Question? Why was this even entertained on the wedding day? Who cares about who can do what job better than whom? You and your new son-in-law have a competition going on over what? Your daughter and who can take better care of her? As family shouldn't you be there for one another? Your daughter should've cursed both of you for the behavior you displayed on her wedding day. Ok your family has started out as dysfunctional and it's going to slowly get worse until you no longer see your daughter and any grandchildren that may be born in that household.

Call Jerry Springer, see if your family can go on his show. Even if he can't help your family with it's problem I'd still love to see you and your son-in-law fight and then have your daughter sitting back crying.

Answer 5

Well that sounds like a fun conversation. It might have been better to bite your tongue for your daughters sake, but I can see why you ha a problem with his comments. You don't say if your daughter has sai anything to you about it, or if you'e spoken to him since. I'm curious to know because I can't see the two of you being comfortable around eachother anytime soon; and in the long run that's going to also put a strain on your relationship with your daughter.

Answer 6

Sorry dad, but you were rude.

Even if you are right, you shouldn't insult your son in-law on their wedding day!!!!! There is a time and place for everything, daughter's wedding WAS NOT it! No one will remember the $1500 cake or the $2500 dress, but they WILL remember forever you getting into an argument with your son in law.

You don't want to start bad blood with the man that is going to take care of your baby. Right? Do you want your daughter to resent you? (if she doesn't resent you already for ruining her wedding.)

It was not appropiate to have a pissing contest with your son in law on their wedding day. You are supposedly smarter, richer and self-made, good for you! but that doesn't give you the right to belittle those that may have not made wiser choices. Wrong place, bad timing...completly unapropiate for a grown-up man that supposely knows better to start a wang measurement contest on your daughter's reception.

He may have tried to tell you that he was going to take care of your daughter, but his choice of words were not the best. Youngsters think that they know it all, but it's their life to figure things out. Instead, you jumped at the oportunity to humilliate him because you feel (admit it!) that he was stepping on your hose and that he is not god enough for your daughter.

In your defense, nobody wants (or needs!) a lecture from a 25 year old that knows jack about life, but your behavior was completly unnaceptable. Even your SOL maintained composure, you didn't.

For the sake of your daughter, make peace with him.

Good luck

Answer 7

Wow I admire how well you have taken care of your life that´s impresive, and this new son in law seems too young still to appreciate all you are doing. Don´t do anything, be supportive to your daughter and things will get better with time. Don´t give any more advices to him, but because you love your daughter try to keep everything with peace, even if whe marry a dumb dumb; not everybody has the guts to reach succes as you have but don´t lose your daughter over him. close this bad experience and change your attitud when you see them again.

Answer 8

From experience in the daughter and son-in-law area, you need to let them live their life as they choose, you cannot tell a 25 year old how to live or work or whatever. The only way to let them grow up is to let them live and learn. You just may stick your nose in where it's not wanted and end up causing friction between you and your daughter as well. Be careful what you say. But it sounds like he needs to have a little more respect to you as well.

Answer 9

when we are young (usually 20 somethings) we swear we have the answers to the world's problems, and we think we know it all. He's being aragont, with out even knowing it. Trust me in a few years from now, when he has his own family he'll realize how much of an *** he was being. It's really easy to judge someone, when you've never been in that situation before.

Answer 10

Your right he's wrong.Let him do it his way but when he comes to you for money don't give it to him.Like you said you worked for everything since you were in school and put yourself through college [I bet his parents paid for his schooling]He is clueless.I have been through very much the same situation.I know it will be hard since he is married to your daughter but he needs to see the error of his ways and now he is responsible for giving your daughter the life she has become accustomed to.He is very lucky you have been so generous so far but now it's time to prove himself and show you that you are wrong and he is right. [which will probably never happen].Good luck Dad and stick to your guns.By the way,what mistakes did you supposedly make?Sound like you are a excellent example of what a person can make of not so good circumstances.

Answer 11

Your new son-in-law sounds like a spoiled child. In your shoes, I would have held my tongue IF he had not brought it on the way he did by saying "the mistakes that YOU made" - like you said, WTH??

Be polite, be friendly, but by all means, since he knows so much, let him handle his job and his life how he sees fit. $14,000.00 wedding, huh? When he comes to you the first to ask for money, tell him no, you think he can handle it on his own.