is it unusual for a father to handle all the night feedings of a baby? my wife nursed until our baby was about

Question

2 months old. the baby is about 3 months now and still up 3 times a night. towards the end of the breastfeeding for the first 2 months, my wife looked like she was on the edge of loosing her mind and patience with the baby.
my wife is home full time and doesnt work. so now she sleeps through the night and i get up with the baby at night and then go to work in the morning. my occupation is a stock trader, and this does require a high degree of concentration, yet i can leave the office at 5 pm with no problem. how unusual a situation is it that i am the one handling the baby between 11 pm and 5:30 am every night? i am afraid she is going to have a nervous breakdown since she is hormonal and slightly post-partum depressed now and at least i get away into the city during the day. even if that is with not that much sleep. is this unusual or common?

Answer 1

My husband takes all the night-time stuff. When the baby was getting up all night, we divided it up. He took the 10pm-2am shift, and I took from 2am on. Of course, during your shift, you could sleep if the baby slept. You just had to be responsible if the baby woke up. We both got more sleep that way. Now that he's basically sleeping through the night, my husband will get up if he wakes up.

Maybe you could try and have her talk to her dr about some antidepressants.

Answer 2

I think it's actually normal - the way it should be in this situation. Your wife is somewhat sick w/ depression and everything and thats what a loving family does when one person is sick someone else has to step up and help. She is lucky to have someone like you - my husband has that mentality that its my job to take care of all those things and basicly sleeps through anything. So while it may be uncommon I think it is the way a healthy relationship would work and healthy relationships do seem a little uncommon these days. Now when she gets a little better it'll be her turn to get up w/ the baby again. If she needs a break during the day a lot of churchs have a program called mother's day out. I pay $18 a day for 2 kids at mine and it gives me 5 hours to clean, go to the grocery store and get a little break and it's not a full time day care it's just 1 day a week. Maybe thats something to look into. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Your wife may need the sleep, but she may also need professional help. Or a break from the baby during the day. My husband slept while I breastfed because he worked and I stayed home. With my first child, I napped when he did, but by 2-3 months, I was adjusted to the lack of sleep and seldom napped with him. My second child, I got even less sleep as I had to get up with my first child and deal with him until his nap. When my husband is off work for the season, he helps with night time wakings. While your wife may be tired, if she is having difficult coping at this point, I would really seriously seek professional advice. She is suffering from post partum blues, she could have a difficult time dealing with the child for many more months. It is great that you get up and help with the child, but it should be an equal split in your case, because eventually a lack of sleep will have a toll on you as well and where will your son be, if both is parents are sleep deprived and short tempered. Also, just a thought, but observe how much your child is eating. If she is not eating a full serving whether 4 or 6 ounces, she may be getting up in the middle of the night out of habit not necessity.

Answer 4

I say good for you. So many fathers won't step up and do that. Having a baby all day long is very demanding. And on top of not getting sleep it may push her over the edge. If she is dealing with post partum I hope she has seen the doctor. Eventually the baby will sleep through the night and all should be good. It would be better though for her to deal with trying to get the baby to sleep through the night since you have to work. Ask the pediatrician at what age you can start to let the baby go without a night feeding and let him cry it out. My nephew learned to sleep through around 7 months when his doctor said it wasn't necessary to feed him in the middle of the night. So they let him cry and in about a week he just didn't wake up at night anymore. Because your baby is still very young it may be too early for that.

As long as your job is not suffering it is great that you getup at night with the baby. Please make sure your wife is getting the care she needs too.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would say it is unusal but there is nothing wrong with the father doing all the night time feeds. Although she may be at home all day this does not mean that she is doing nothing. Having a baby takes alot of energy and it dosent stop. I would suggest however that maybe you share the night time feeds. My husband used to do the feeds when he had a day off or on the weekend and I used to go back to sleep with the baby during the day.

If you think that she is having difficulties I would suggest that she speak to her health advisor who will be able to help.

Answer 6

i see where this could be stressful on you as well as her. i'm due in june and my boyfriend and i decided to have him stay up with the baby at night if she is up. but i've thought about how he gets off of work then comes home and works too. but at the same time i would be working 24-7 if he didn't take over at nights. so it would be fair to rotate the nights so that we both can have time to sleep. im thinking maybe i can catch a nap in-between taking care of the baby during the day. but i don't know how likely that is because this is my first baby. so i would say this is common. hopefully it doesn't take long for the baby to start sleeping through the night.

Answer 7

well done on supporting your wife, if she was feeling herself then i'm sure she'd be able to cope at night.
but she has P-P Depression, and that is a serious condition. is she getting counselling/medication etc?
make sure you get enough sleep by going to bed early, or taking a short nap at lunchtime.
many husbands would refuse to do it, and therefore cause further depression etc, so you're doing a wonderful job, and i'm sure if she appreciates it, even if she cant express that right now.
maybe see if yuo can both have appointment with health visitor, and work out a plan so you're both on duty at different periods during the night, just start your wife off with a two hour shift at whatever time she feels she could cope best?
or talk to Health visitor alone 1st to voice your concerns the see how best to tackle it.
the key is understanding and compassion, and you're obviously ok with those qualities!
good luck, and look forward to the not too distant future when you can begin to 'sleep train' your child and have much longer sleep!!

Answer 8

I hope it's not unusual! I am single without kids, so I really don't know but I am very impressed with the level of help you offer your wife. It may help her to get out of the house more often. Just running errands, going to classes (I'm a nanny and we LOVE My Gym!), even part time work may help. I have suffered from depression and I know how much worse it gets when I'm at home all the time. On the other hand she may not be up for doing any of that. Again, I'm impressed with how you're handling the situation, and I hope you're not the exception to the rule!!

Answer 9

Its you're baby too i believe you should be doing this for you're wife if she is that tired! I wish my boyfriend would have gotten up during the night with my daughter. Its hard but you have to do it cause the baby isnt going to get it self. Good luck and just give you're wife a break even if that means you loosing a few hours of sleep.

Answer 10

the only thing that matters is the fact that someone is taking care of the baby even if it is the guy. if the night feedings don't have any affect on how you do your job then it is better that u do the night feedings. this gives your wife some time away from the baby and get some rest. babies take a lot of dedication and communication between the parents.