Good samaritan or used and abused?

Question

I live in a rural community, in a decent house and a stay at home Mom.We are barely getting by ourselves.We have chainsmoking neighbors, dad on disability, mom cares for my grandma during the day,& 3school age children, one of which is my own son's friend.They live in a very run down mobile home, with junk all around it.They do not have gas service, so no hot water and twice this winter had no water, due to frozen pipes.The parents used to send the kids over here for toilet paper, a tea bag, sugar, etc.and now it's snowballing.They recently asked to use my camera to take pics of their daughter in a bridal show.They send at least one kid, almost every Sunday night to take a bath and last Sunday when it was my own toddlers bedtime I was cleaning mud off my floor from their kid taking a bath, plus they don't even send fresh clothes for him to put on after.I feel bad for them, but how do I cut it off w/o them hating us?PS I also needed to have the daughter babysit an afternoon in May, eek!

I have only had the daughter baby sit one other time and I do/will pay her.

Answer 1

There is a difference between helping out and being taken advantage of. Let them know that you don't mind helping, but you want to set up some guidelines - shoes off at the door, no coming over before a certain time or after, instead of accusing them of not sending clean clothes - make a comment like - you've noticed that the boy has forgotten clean clothes and maybe it'd be a better idea if he kept an outfit there. I've had neighbors that thought they could come and borrow whatever they wanted - eventually, you just have to say no or they'll never buy their own stuff. A cup of sugar here and there isn't bad, but if by the end of the week you've given them a whole bag then that's a problem.

By setting ground rules here - you'll be able to tell whether or not they appreciate the help or if they're taking advantage. Most of the time, if they just want someone to take advantage of - they'll move on to someone else.

Answer 2

At the end you mentioned you asked them to help you too by babysitting. If you can talk to the mother and explain you want the exchange to be mutual maybe things will work out. There is virtually no way to back up now without incurring their wrath. Once you do something for someone they seem to expect it again. Make a deal with them, and hope for the best by communicating your terms every time you have an opportunity or you make one for yourself. Only you can say if you are doing a good thing or if you are being taken advantage of now. How do you feel about it? There's your answer. Be strong.

Answer 3

i am sorry to say but i must agree with Meredith. those kids need a safe warm place with hot water clean clothes and food. you may be the only that can help those kids right now! i realize parents are down and out at this point in there lives but thats no excuse not to have the necessities . are they receiving assistance at all? if not that will certainly help them .what about dad, able to collect ssi at all ? permanently disabled?is he really hurt? or just a dead beat?

Answer 4

At this point, these complaints should go to your local DCF. These parents could be considered unfit because they cannot provide the basic nessicities for their own children. do not think you are doing something bad, but these children need a better environment and more than one bath a week.

Answer 5

i imagine i'd make a sturdy Samaritan sure. I doubt i visit ever get the threat to grant myself to this very efficient charity by ability of way of engaged on their telephone strains yet I do attempt to donate to it every time i visit. in the early 80's i replaced right into a unmarried figure and may spend weeks without seeing or conversing to a distinct soul with the exception of my infant daughter. I phoned the Samaritans a lot back then and they kept me sane God Bless them. each body who worked on the phone strains in the course of the early hours of the morning were very sturdy except for on one get at the same time at the same time as i replaced into feeling very determined, unhappy and lonely and the chap i replaced into conversing to fell asleep!!!! i tried to waken him by ability of creating loud noises down the line yet to no avail.....he replaced into noisily snoring like a sturdy 'un!