Scared for your kids??

Question

Is it normal to be always concerned about your kids being harmed in this world? I seem to worry to much about 'not being able to protect' them as they grow. Sometimes to the point of tears, does anyone else go through this??

Answer 1

I think all parents want to protect their children, but if it's affecting your quality of life, you may want to talk to a doctor. Obsessive negative thoughts can be a sign of depression.

Answer 2

Absolutely, I think it's normal for parents to be concerned about their kids coming to harm.

I think a lot of our fears, though, are somewhat unfounded, bred by the fear-mongering media. Some areas certainly are dangerous - I recently read an article about a college-educated, home-owning single mom in Milwaukee whose children are trained to hit the floor immediately if they hear gunshots.

Are you in a neighborhood like that?

If not, maybe it's time for an insight check. Rather than teaching your kids how to be afraid in and of a rich environment, perhaps you could teach them how to recognize and stand up against injustice, against systems and practices that actually do harm people - maybe not you, but others, every day. And this injustice does make it back to your neighborhood - through the fear it instills in you, that "these people" will either hurt you or your kids when you're out and about or that they'll somehow infiltrate your neighborhood and destroy everything. Standing in solidarity with someone perceived as "other" may increase one's risk, but how can any of us be truly free when our neighbors are not or, especially, when we fail to acknowledge our interconnectedness.

O.K. that was quite a tangent, but let's try to put it in perspective. Life is messy. Life includes tragedy. Chances are, we're all touched by it at some point. Another fact - we all die. While I get the magnitude of pain associated with untimely death or serious injury, it happens. It hurts. Badly. But this preoccupation with injury, pain, and death really prevents us from living fully. And I find it almost irritating when it comes from a place of such privilege. Even I can sit here and talk about fear, but I'm white. I live in the suburbs. Yeah, there are dangers for my daughter here (pedophiles, anyone?), and I "pray" every day that I've given my daughter the tools to stay away from drugs and penises, but the fear I know is nothing like the fears of the inner city single moms I talk to every day.

I am a mom. I worry. I cry . But as my daughter matures, I realize that my job is to help her wings grow, long, broad, and strong, then let go. That's it. She may fly. She may crash and burn. As of right now, I'm thankful for every moment with her.

I wish I had some better advice or reading material for you. All I can think, though, is your fear is affecting your parenting and your kids more than you realize. We can never protect our children from everything. Never. That's not our job. We protect them insofar as we can, but in over-protecting our kids, we fail at the very thing we tried so hard to achieve; we harm our children with over-protection.

Blah, blah, blah. Sorry. The sooner you realize there are going to be bumps, bruises, broken bones, bad choices, bee stings, trampled hearts, and myriad other ills, the better equipped you'll be to successfully face and meet the unique challenges parenthood presents.

Good luck!

Answer 3

The older mine get the less I worry about some things and the more I worry about others. If your worry keeps you from allowing them to have normal lives and do normal kid-type activities then I think you'll need to talk to a counselor.

I have never been accused of being overprotective or abnormal but I worry about my kids. I'll worry about them for the rest of my life probably!

I'm sure you aren't worrying about things any more than the rest of us Mommies! Relax.

Answer 4

Maybe you should go to the Dr and find out if you are depressed. All mothers worry but when you worry to the point of tears that might be a problem. Don't let it go, your kids need you to be a healthy Mom. If you are not healthy you can't keep them safe.

Answer 5

I think its normal for a mother to be concerned about her children's safety and well-being. But I also think that you shouldn't control your children the way you probably want to. Sure, at a young age they'll need that control, but as they age, give them a little room to breathe, because if you dont, they might turn against you.

Calm down! i know that you are afraid that something bad could happen, but bad things need to happen. You're job is partly to prepare them with the skills to deal with bad things. Just teach them what they need to know, and be their soft place when they need one.

Answer 6

It is very normal. You don't stop even when they are grown. It does get easier however as they get older and you start to realize that they have to make their own decisions in order to mature and be a productive member of society.

Answer 7

Allot of people feel like this. But you have to let them live. You need to understand that the only thing that you can guarantee them is death. Don't keep them from experiencing things because you are afraid.

Answer 8

Every parent worrries about their children, but you seem a little overstressed. Go to a counselor or find someone else to confide your fears in before you transfer them to your children.

Answer 9

Try to live in the present. No one can predict the future. Try not to look to far ahead. Think about your experiences and how well you came thru. They will do the same.