Teacher's, How do you respond to a disobedient child without hurting their feelings?

Answer 1

Great question! There are so many ways! First of all, recognize that punishment and discipline are very different. If you punish a child, they are likely to feel shamed, they will not respect you, you are controlling them, and their feelings are hurt. If you discipline a child, they will respond to your wishes, learn to control their behavior, respect you, and not have their feelings hurt.

Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best. Taking away a toy or privileges when a child misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he or she throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of how I use natural and logical consequence in my classroom. If a child is disruptive in circle, I take them gently to an area away from the group, get down to their level and say “When you are ready to sit politely then you can come back to circle.” I do not set a time limit (time out). Time outs only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Time outs are a way for you to control a child but not a way for a child to learn self-control. You can use this technique with all types of misbehaviors. If a child is running inside, I take them gently outdoors (supervised) and say “It looks like you need to run. You can run here and when you’re finished you can come back inside.” I do the same thing if a child is being too loud. If a child draws on a table, I ask them to get a spray bottle, scrub brush, and towel to clean in up. A child who purposefully falls out of a chair is asked to stand until they are ready to stop falling out of the chair. If a child is being aggressive, I rush to the “victim” and empathize. “Ouch! That must have hurt! Let’s put some ice on that.” I sometime ask the aggressor to get the ice for the “victim.” I then have the “victim” speak with the aggressor about how that behavior affected them. “That hurt! I don’t want to play with you if you are going to hurt me.” I then find ways to help the aggressor learn to express themselves. I’ll say things like "I can tell that you are (upset, angry, mad, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?" If I have a child who is misusing an activity, I may say “I seem like you need a lesson on how to use that.” Depending on how there are misusing it, I may ask them to put it away until they are ready to use it more gently. If I have a child take something from another child, I will say "It looks like you both want to use that (state the problem). Only one toy but two people that want to use it." The children will often say things like "I had it first! I want it!" I then empathize. "I can't tell that you really want that. It's very (upsetting, frustrating, making you angry) that Emma won't give it to you." I let them vent a bit then say "What can we do about this?" Sometimes they will problem solve on their own, other times they need some help. I might say "I have an idea! When Kate it finished with she can give it to you”, or, “how about Kate uses it for 3 minutes and then you can use it?" This approach works very well. Always state the problem, empathize (A little empathy can go a long way. You are just empathizing, not joining into the problem.), validate, and help the child identify their problem, restate their ideas to fix the problem, help them to carry out the solution. Spend less and less time each time. After the children figure out that you won't solve the problem for them, they will get much better at solving their own problems. It takes some practice and active listening, but it works!

Notice children when they are not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time!” “Look how high you can climb!” “You used so many colors on that picture!" “You were so careful with that!” “You did that by yourself!” These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show attention, and help children to feel powerful in a positive ways.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Pick your battles! Be patient and consistent.

A great book that explains in detail about using logical and natural consequence is Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs. Guiding Young Children by Eleanor Reynolds is another great book. It offers practical problem solving techniques that exclude the use of punishment, blame, guilt, and hurting feelings! Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, hurt feelings can not be avoided in anyone, but especially children. They don't have the emotional maturity to take punishments without getting hurt feelings. It isn't all bad, though, because they will grow up with emotional experience to help them become balanced adults.

Having said that, you must be consistent in your punishments, clear in your communications and non-emotional in your reaction. Then, when the punishment is over, let it go, give some love and carry on.

Answer 3

Lobby to bring back the STRAP. It sure worked for My generation!

Answer 4

Be very patient, caring and deal with him/her thru heart not brain.