How does a grown man overcome his insecurities with women?

Question

I feel like such an idiot . I am 43 and in a great in a relationship with a woman who loves me and I love her but my insecurities are chipping away at the relationship and starting to ruin it . We have been together for about a year and a half we both have children from a previous marriage. I think that my girlfriend is beautiful and has a very outgoing personality and loves talking to everyone . My problem is that sometimes men see this as a come on and that bothers me , I told her how knowing that bothers me but I don't want het to not be herself and withdrawl from people , We joined a gym and I felt insecure when they gave her a free work out with a personal trainer that was male . I know that my girl had an affair when she was married which was a long and horrible marriage 4 her . I am not sure if it is knowing that this took place in the past or maybe it is just my insecurities which I have always have . How can I overcome this insecurity I want to be a strong confident person ,

Answer 1

I am your age and I feel the same way, as a matter of fact I know a lot of guys feel the same way. I work with a woman who is very nice, very attractive and out going and she never gets to go anywhere because her husband doesn't like the attention she gets. I am 42, my fiance is 27, when we go out she gets attention and as long as the guy giving her attention is being respectful I don't mind and if she ever bailed on me for a guy that hit on her knowing she was with me, then good riddens.Women are beautiful but they are only one 100,000,000th of what makes life beautiful.It sounds like you have a good woman you just have to have a little confidence. Get the book "excuse me your life is waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn. it will help and remember, most guys feel just like you we just deal with it a little better and you will too.

Answer 2

You will probably always have that insecurity. Sometimes knowing the past is knowing too much. Despite that, your setting yourself up for failure. Leave the past where it belongs and focus on the NOW. Your just going to have to trust. You can't monitor her every minute of the day. You'll make yourself sick. She can as easily have another affair while you think you have your basis covered. And this insecurity bit could cause her to do it anyway. Your just bringing in alot of extra negative energy into your relationship. Enjoy, love, and live with her now. If it doesn't work out, you had some great memories. I know heartache is hard but if your always worried about it your sure to find it. I know it's cliche. It's better to have loved than to not have loved at all. Just live your life. You only have one!

Answer 3

when you see your GF in the presence of another man, instead of getting jealous, think that she's only talking to him, but she chose to be with you. You have to trust her and show her that you trust her. Not trusting her and acting jealous is a self fulfilling exercise. In other words, she will get tired of being accused of doing something she's not then one day decide what the heck, I'm being treated as if I am so why shouldn't I.

Answer 4

some women are attractive that people tend to keep in touch with them.you dont have to worry as long as she is faithful.if you still have doubt ,talk to her how you feel when she is in the gym and all that.once she knows that you don't approve her behaviour she has to contain herself.if you don't sort out and settle now ,then it will be difficult for both to have a family life.so don't wait for things to happen.

Answer 5

Read this book,

Wild at Heart
http://www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Discovering-Secret-Mans/dp/0785268839/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-8469093-4496820?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173916837&sr=8-1
or:
Real men don't Apologize
http://www.amazon.com/Real-Men-Dont-Apologize-Belushi/dp/1401301827/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/002-8469093-4496820?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173916858&sr=1-2

Yes, Jim Belushi wrote a book on how to be a man. Now come on though. He's pretty manly, right? You have to admit it.

At the same time have her read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Keepsake-Unveiling-Mystery-Womans/dp/0785289119/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-8469093-4496820?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173916933&sr=1-1

Then switch. Let her read Wild at Heart and you read Captivating.

Answer 6

Dude. Your nick name is EL DIABLO and your seriously asking this question??? Man up. If you are giving it to her and I mean giving it to her and treating her right. She ain't going no where.

Be the Bull dude.