How can I make myself not so paranoid and trust my fiance?

Question

I am having SERIOUS issues trusting what my fiance tells me when he goes out. He has done some shady things to me in the past (but to my knowledge he has never cheated on me). He has lied to me before (about hanging out with another girl) and I have caught him. Now I analyze everything he tells me. I try to put all the peices of his story together in my head to try and figure out if he just made up a bogus lie or he is telling me the truth about where he was and what he did. And I KNOW I shouldn't, but I can't stop myself! I feel like he lies to me all the time (and sometimes he does. he lies about little dumb things).

How can I not be so paranoid? I hate feeling that way! Any advice for women going through a similar situation?

Me and my fiance will go out with eachother occasionally; but we like doing different things when we go out. Usually I go hang out with my girlfriends and he goes and hangs out with his guy friends because he thinks my friends are 'dumb drunks'. Ofcourse, I tell him that 'no, my friends enjoy doing more than just sittin on the couch watching TV and starting at eachother'. LOL

I must also add that before we got engaged, he was a home-body, never wanted to go anywhere, didn't want to go out, watching TV 24/7 bum. All of a suddent, he is GO-GO-GO and it's kinda throwin me for a loop!

Answer 1

oh man, I understand what you're saying. I know that it can make someone feel so crazy to have to deal with that sort of stress all the time. It's hard to offer advice to this sort of thing because obviously I'm not going to say, "dump the jerk" or whatever because you're very obviously in love and getting married and all that. If you can, I would suggest really talking to him about it. It's necessary that you admit to having those feelings, but having a talk with him about it would sort of show that you really were interested in gaining that trust back. Maybe he feels like he doesn't need to tell you the truth all the time right now because he feels like you'd be suspicious anyway? I don't know. Be good to each other.

Answer 2

been there done that. i know it is very hard for a man to gain the trust of his woman back after he has lost it.What I don't understand is if he is your fiance why is he going out with out you?It seems he wants you to be with him and only him but he still wants to run around acting single,it don't work like that a relationship is give and take equally for both partners.Do you go out with out him?If you don't maybe you should and he will not like it because he will think you are doing the things he is doing then you compromise If you stop going out with out me I will not go out with out you. As far as his lies goes,if he lies about stupid little things then he is just a habitual liar and that will never change even when you get married. Good Luck

Answer 3

There's that old saying "if it walks like a duck, quack likes a duck........." well, you know the rest.

There are definate trust issues and trust is earned. He had not done things to earn your trust. The fact that your freaking out about this indicates that it is not a healthy relationship & will continue to be like this. It would really be in your best interest to spend time apart so that you can build up some self-esteem. You do not have to be treated in the manner that you are. And no one deserves to be lied to ever!

Answer 4

well at first i was going to tell you to not let ur past relationship mess this one up. but now that i have read what you said i cant help but say that you have a right to be paranoid! why would he lie to you about hanging with another girl if hes not doing anything or even thinking about it? mmm thats some **** girlie! and for him to lie to you about lil things then think about if some thing big happened like cheating, he would not tell you! come on now get real! if you cant trust him then how can u 2 get married? if you do end up marrying him... WOW you most likely in for it! good luck with that!

Answer 5

Trust is a fundamental piece of any relationship. If you don't have trust, then there can be no relationship.

I think you have to be honest and say.. I don't think this relationship is working because I feel like I can't trust you. I feel like I can't trust you because X, Y & Z. I want this relationship to work, but I need you to want it to work also. You can show me that you want it to work by doing A, B & C things... I want to trust you, but you can't go on doing X, Y & Z

Something along those lines...

A relationship without trust is like a Ferrari without Gasoline
It's a beautiful thing but it's not going anywhere...

Answer 6

Everyone lie's about little things, you've done it, he's done it, i've done it, i dont know what it is about it, but in some simple respect we as human's tell little lies to make the person he or she enjoy's being with more comfortable. as for your case, try asking your fiance to not go out as much. tell him you need your time with him too, and if you want to be really honest with him, ask him how he feels about being your husband. Its not a good thing just to jump in to somthing like this without knowing a few thing's about the person, like why if he is ready to spend the rest of his life with you, is he out seeing other friends of his of the oppisite sex. ask him exactly what he want's out of this relationship, don't get mad at him, don't get jealous, just listen to what he has to tell you, and tell him to be brutally honest, then YOU can decide for your self what you would like to do. I wish my ex-fiance had done this for me.

Answer 7

if u are feeling like he is up to no good...he probably is. investigate!!!

Answer 8

if he did bad things you shouldnt be with him