Not to be sterieo-typical, but I'm looking for IRISH jokes only PLZ.
2007-03-14 01:23:38 · 10 answers · asked by cowlynz 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Heers one to start you out; how does all Irish recipies begin?.... Take a pot of water, bring to a boil....
one more; what's an Irish 7-course meal?... A 6-pack and a potato!
Keep them comming!
2007-03-15 00:59:45 · update #1
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
2007-03-15 00:32:03 · answer #1 · answered by Alex 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.
The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."
2007-03-14 08:38:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A very shy Irish guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "Wha do you mean $200?!"
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An Irish couple were on holiday in Florida when they saw a sign saying,
"helicopter tours 200 dollars."
The husband turned to his wife and said:
"sure, isn’t that a lot of money just to look around a helicopter?"
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Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new BMW into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o' the morning to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things my, son?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas working for BMW think of everything!"
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They are three men board a plane. An Italian, Spainish, and Irish.
They fly over to Italy, and drop a bottle. They fly to Spain, and drop a bottle. They fly to Ireland and drop a bomb.
They fly back to Italy and they see a little boy crying. "Little boy why are you crying" they ask. "Because my daddy got hit in the head with a beer bottle"
They fly to Spain and they see a little girl crying. "Little girl why are you crying" they ask. "Because my mommy got hit in the head with a beer bottle".
They fly to Ireland and see a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy why are you laughing" they ask. "Because my daddy farted and blew up the house"
2007-03-22 01:39:58 · answer #3 · answered by Amber L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was working on a building site. I asked an Irish labourer to bring me a wheelbarrow from the other end of the site. he came back with 2, one inside the other. I said I only wanted one. He said "You didn't expect me to carry it, did you?"
Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
2007-03-14 08:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Basement Bob 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hear about the Irish Banker?
He got economic constipation.
Couldn't budget.
2007-03-22 06:20:33 · answer #5 · answered by satnee2003 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar!!
2007-03-20 15:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by collegestudent5555 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Knock knock who's there? Irish Irish who? Irish I had a better joke!
2007-03-22 05:10:11 · answer #7 · answered by samantha s 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats funny.
2007-03-22 05:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did they take the Irishman to hospital for breaking his best bottle of whiskey?
To remove the splinters and glass from his tongue!!!!!!
2007-03-20 04:08:51 · answer #9 · answered by Beeeej 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
An irishman, an englishman and a scotsman walk up to the bar in a pub, the bartender walks up to them and says- "what is this a joke?"!
2007-03-14 08:27:36 · answer #10 · answered by IshotJR 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋