A few more short jokes?

Question

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I
said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is
for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin
paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said
"Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull
goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen
on it. I thought that's Aboriginal.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the
splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays
or Thursdays."

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said, 'You are.'"

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I
said "Are you two an item?".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check
tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said
Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up
to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and
says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A Penguin walks into a pub and says to the barman "Has my brother been
in?" Barman says "I dunno, what's he look like?"

Answer 1

ROFLMFAO

Your mental.

I've just nearly wee'd myself lmao

Answer 2

Excellent. But some are hard to understand.

Answer 3

LOL i dont know where you get them all from but they are brill

Answer 4

lmao

Answer 5

cool

Answer 6

good one

Answer 7

I thought Tommy cooper was dead!!!!!!

Answer 8

ha ha very good again!!!

Answer 9

HAHAHAHA!!!!

Answer 10

Like them thanks