I've been with my fiance for 3 years now. I found out about a month ago that he had sex with another girl about a year ago. He was not the one who told me of the incident, he lied about it until i had proof in fact. I'm finding myself in a very complicated situation, I'm madly in love with this man and I know that he had never intended to hurt me. He was severely drunk when it happened. I have given him everything that i have and everything that i am. He has been with me since my son (3 yr old) was born and has stepped in as his father even tho it is not his child. We complete each other in so many ways and make each other better people. I was just wondering if there is any way I can put this situation behind me and not suspect he is doing it again every second he's not with me. Is it possible that it was just a one-time mistake? This is very painful to deal with, I really need some advice.
2007-03-13 21:58:05 · 21 answers · asked by Lacey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He says he lied/didnt tell me because he knew that it was a one time thing and he thought it wasnt worth breaking my heart for his stupid one time mistake. We were apparently fighting that night and he put himself in a vunerable situation. I took his virginity, so another aspect of this is that he wanted to make sure he got what he wants b4 we got married? i dont know, im very broken.
2007-03-13 22:28:59 · update #1
I can only say that trust is a very important thing in a r/ship. My bf and I broke up becos of the lack of trust.. he betrayed mi twice and I can't get over it.. it resulted in many quarrels and eventually we broke up. After I broke up, i realised he had been telling the truth all along. I regreted my decision but it was too late. If you really love him (and he really love you), just putthe past behind you and start all over again. It's really hard to find a person whom u love him and he loves you.. cherish tis r/ship!
2007-03-13 22:05:41 · answer #1 · answered by sillygal811610 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will be a never ending thing. Trust me, he's got the taste of other women, it's never going to be over. 3 years and being drunk and cheating on you was the excuse? That's pretty lame to come to think of it. Him lying about it until you had proof was the worst thing cause now, you think he's doing it every second your not together. Trust me when I say this, the pain part will only get worse the longer it goes on. You'll start freaking out over nothing, and he'll only end up leaving you because he feels being asked is not being trusted, which in my book would make me want to leave to, so beat him too it and end it now before like you said "never ment to hurt you." That was a lame *** excuse along with the being drunk. It doesn't matter how drunk you are, if you love someone, even the drunkenest nights, you can still muster up some memory of the love of your life, trust me, It's happend to me before, and lets just say I'm not a cheater, so yeah, please just listen to what I'm saying here and try to make some sence of it, dont' let it go on any longer.
Just remember, trust is like a guitar string, once you break it, you can never really repair it to the string it once was, which in turn means you will eventually never trust him in any way shape or form, and then you're too far into the not trust part, and it'll eat you up inside.
2007-03-14 05:07:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you sweetie as I am in kinda the same boat. My ex husband left me for a stripper and while I cannot confirm he ever did anything in rl with her, I don't think my heart would stop loving him if I knew otherwise. My very best advice for you is consider the history of truth with him.. has he been a liar in the past other then this situation? I find NO respect in a man who lies at all esspecially one who cheats as well. how much can you trust him? If he is very truely sorry then forgive him and try to move forward.. but if he acts like ehh, yeah, sorry.. then you need to see that as total disrespect and try to move on without him... I am SOOO sorry your baby is in the middle as I am sure there is a bond there.. but you have to do whats right for both you and your son.. in reality, there is nothing more important than your sons well being.. I know you know that, or you would not be asking... God Bless hun and I will be prayin for ya...
2007-03-14 05:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he been sleeping with this girl for months or once? He told you he was drunk that time. For me it is an accident but it still hurts. If he slept with her many times then you should break up for your own good. If it was an accident you'll have to forgive because it was a once time thing. Of cause you cannot just forget about it but tell him that he only has a last chance to prove to himself. Since you accepted him you have to focus on fixing your relationship back.Take a romantic vacation to ignite the passion again and try not to think about the girl. If you argue with him refrain from talking bout this incident. Finally there is no remedy since you accepted him back just let time heal..
2007-03-14 05:17:25 · answer #4 · answered by lemonade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Houston? We have a Problem, Big time! There will NEVER be a one time thing. I'm a guy? But I'm also honest. It's not a "Guy-Thing"? it's a fact of life. If we are permitted to get away with a wrong? It's Human nature to do it again. You allow your child to get away with acting up in Public? Where would it end? I'm not suggesting that you end your relationship. But you have to bring some kind of understanding that it hurt? It was wrong? And that you'll never be as close to him as you could've been. Your need to provide a "Father-Figure" for your Son? Is clouding your vision of what's right. I do wish you Peace in this. Just be aware of what type of person, he really is.
2007-03-14 05:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by Goggles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling. It all boils down to trust. Trust is the foundation to any type of relationship. I think that if you two are going to continue to have a successful relationship then he is going to have to earn your trust all over again. Because the way it sounds right now.....he's lost that with you. But what you need to do is focus on you. Don't torture yourself mentally wondering what he is doing when he is not with you. This will eat you up inside. After all he is he one who cheated not you. I also feel that if he really loved you as much as he says he does he wouldn't have put himself in the predictament in the first place......and this is coming from someone who has been there and done that!!!
2007-03-14 05:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by robbies girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like drinking alcohol is his problem. But if you want to be sure that he hasn't done it again, you should set up a lie detector test like they do on the Maury show. It just sounds a bit suspicious that he didn't tell you. I guess it's understandable if he was severely drunk as you say, but he shouldn't have gotten that drunk in the first place. It's a bit worrisome if he has done it more than once, while very drunk.
If you want to be sure, have him take a lie detector test. If he has nothing to hide, he should be okay with it. I would also suggest having him cut back on his drinking, because obviously his logic is bad.
2007-03-14 05:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by Joshu@ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is painful to deal with it and you are hurt !!! (you have every right to be)
But
1. he stepped in as a father to your son and is his father now !
2. you still feel that you complete each other
3. of course he did not tell you about it (nobody does) ...
4. he stayed with you ...
You will never forget, but you can forgive ...
start from there, it most likely is a one-time mistake and you have to learn not to suspect every time ... difficult but not impossible !
2007-03-14 05:22:26 · answer #8 · answered by GBH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should think it over. he cheated on you right? and he was not the one who told you about it. what makes you so sure he can be trusted? think about it. if he never meant to hurt you, and it was just an accident, why didn't he tell you that personally? why does he have to keep it a secret from you?
There is a possibility that he'll do it again. it's just a warning. but if you really love the person and wants to be with him, then it's really up to you.
2007-03-14 05:06:55 · answer #9 · answered by caige 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay he cheats, he lies, he breaks your heart. But that's okay because he completes you. It's not a one time mistake, he's probally even done it more than that one time and you just haven't found out about it. You teach people how to treat you and if you let him get by with this then he's going to do it to you again and again and again....
2007-03-14 05:08:47 · answer #10 · answered by juniper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋