Will she truly love me again after her emotional affair with her classmate?

Question

We had a troubled period and she fell in love with classmate who is not aware of her feelings. She wrote an unsent loveletter to the guy( which I found) and met him in a resort once. That guy adored her in her college days but she loved and married me even against her parental wishes.We are married for 14 years and have two wonderful kids. One month before this letter, we seperated as I quit my job which was worse than slavery. She never shown any signs of infidelity before or after one month of her passionate letter and she was even sleeping with me and thinking about me all the time and I was asking her to come back. She asked me to get a job and stop drinking which I once in a week when I worked but 3/4 times after our seperation. My inlaws had lot of influence on her and our hatred is mutual. Now she has been calling me every few hours and I am as happy as a teenage lover. I want her not to lean on her parents who never even bothered to call her about her affair.I got her out then

I tell her to cut off her relation with her parents who had ruined our relation but she does not care. She cut off contact with the guy as she says it was not even a ' contact ' and that letter is a fantasy. Will she ever give a damn about me as she could write me off like that, though she says she loves now as she always did?

Answer 1

Oh Havah.....will this every stop.....You are totally besottled by your wife....she has total control over your feelings. She is calling the shots and you are like this obedient little dog who keeps on coming when you are called. You love her, sure you do, but you have to love yourself as well, you have to start expecting better treatment....you have to start believing you deserve to be treated better than this. You may think that your wife is the only person you can ever love....but it seems very one-sided to me. It seems your wife is only prepared to love you on her terms. Honestly, what say do you actually have in this marriage? It seems to me that everything is all about her. It bothers you that she is contacting her parents even though her parents were a major influence in all the arguments in the marriage. She seems to care more about her parents than she does about you. She is obviously looking for something because even if this love letter was a fantasy, it was telling this man how she felt about him. Maybe the contact has stopped, but how would that be making you feel. You saw the words, you know how she feels about this guy, so how can she really ever love you the way you deserve....how can you feel good about yourself?

I suggested this once before, but I trully think you are too frightened to suggest counselling to your wife because she seems to wear the pants...and everything she wants is Law...so if she doesnt agree to counselling, then counselling wont happen.

Sometimes Havah, it takes a shock for someone to realise what they are doing is wrong. I think this is true in your situation. If you only found the strength to stand your ground and assert your rights....maybe your wife will treat you differently. You could turn this all around by making demands yourself.....Maybe you could just tell her that you do not feel important in her life and that you think you could probably find a woman who would love you like you deserve. She is the pupeteer and you are the puppet....she is pulling the strings and you are reacting to every string she is pulling.....cut those strings and start dancing to your own tune.....she has had it her way long enough.....now its time to turn the tables and have things work out in your favour.....It can, and does happen, but you need to find the strength to be assertive and take the control away from your wife........If your wife doesnt agree to counselling, go yourself because you need some help to find your self esteem. You need some help to gain a voice.

Take care

Answer 2

well dont worry about it, it sounds to me like your love for each other has been rekindled. after all youre the one she was married to, and you have children. try not to force her to stay away from her parents, because thats still her parents, you know. if you're still insecure, make efforts to woo her back to you, do everything that will make it impossible for the 2 of you to separate again. focus on how to keep her happy and for your family to be solid, warm and comfortable full of love. oh and work on your trust issues! you must believe her when she says she loves you.