What are some pros and cons about having children early?

Question

I have known my husband for almost four years and we think we are ready to start a family. I am mature for 21 and my husband is ultra mature for 26 and we are sure we will be good parents.

Some helpful answers from outside sources is appreciated. Thank you :)

Answer 1

If you feel you're ready then that's good enough. I did not have children until in my 30's because that's how long it took me until I thought I would be ready. It is a personal choice for lots of reasons, not meeting the right person, not being set up in a career, not having a home, not being ready emotionally. Lots of reasons I am glad I waited and some reasons now that I wish I had her earlier but I wasn't ready at your age and at 21-30 I never wanted children, but my life changed and now I have. It's right when it's right for you.

Answer 2

This is a tough one. Many young couples think that they can handle raising children, but the emotional and financial burden on them is too much. However, as the previous poster noted, the generation gap is smaller, which is good. Here's my list:

Pros: You're at a younger age when your children are growing up, meaning you will be interested in many of the same activities. The father can go throw a football with his son without needing an oxygen tank.

More of your life is spent with your children. If you have children at 40, you may get to spend 40 years with them if you're extremely lucky. If you have them at 20, that's 60 years. A pretty long time to spend with your family.

You have more energy to deal with the sleepless nights while they're babies.

One of the parents may be more willing to put a career on hold because it may not have taken off yet. Doing this at 35 may demand much more sacrifice.

Cons: You're a lot less financially stable now than you will be in the future (if all goes to plan). Children are very financially demanding, so you will have to make a lot of sacrifices.

You're less emotionally stable. You're more prone to over-react or under-react to a situation. You are just getting through with the experiances you'll have to teach your children about.

Sex. You will be having a lot less sex when you have to deal with children. People around our age (early to mid 20s) have a very high sex drive. Lack of it will probably lead to some frustration.

You're ending that "romantic" period with your husband, kind of. A lot of couples your age (maybe not you specifically) like to get away for the weekends, go on little trips to small towns and stuff like that. I know that for the last three years (I'm 23) I did a lot of traveling with my girlfriend. That will almost definately have to cease. Weekend getaways will become something that happens once or twice a year, instead of every month or every other month.

If you have your children too soon, they might be exposed to rap before it dies off. Sorry, had to stick that one in.


Regardless of my opinion, you and your husband know best what you should do. If you're ready for children and are willing to give a few things up, go for it. Kids are great. I definately want to start a family before 30 at the latest. Once you start having children, the financial strain, lack of sleep, and other sacrifices will all be completely worth it. Good luck with your decision.

Answer 3

I had my daughter at 21. She's now 10. You may have read my response to another, similar question - that offers a bit more background. I can echo many of the responses above. I do have a question or two of my own, though, and you should think about the answers before you make any decision.

First, are you college educated or do you have a job on which you can support yourself and a child in the case your partner left and contributed no child support?

Are you emotionally prepared to make the kind of commitment necessary to raise a child to maturity? I'm not only talking about diapers and spit-up. I'm talking about setting an example for a lifetime, setting limits, being available and accessible, engaging in the sex and drugs dialogue, dealing with broken hearts, failures, as well as successes, in school, and establishing reasonable expectations (and responding respectfully when your child doesn't meet those expectations). Children aren't accessories, they're not something to pull out of the closet or jewelry box when you want to impress your friends and put back when they've outlived their utility, do something you don't like, or become somehow inconvenient, or when they stop being cute (and, trust me, sometimes they become downright ugly).

Finally, are you married or willing to become so? I am well aware of the divorce rates (in the U.S. anyway), but raising a child young and alone is difficult. If a couple is committed enough to discuss having children, the pair ought to be comfortable getting married. Perhaps it's psychological, but marriage makes official the notion that both partners are responsible for that child (although I'm aware that a number of divorced fathers, as compared to never-married fathers, don't pay child support either... although I heard women are even worse about paying child support than men!).

Anyway, to wrap up, the advantages of having a child young are the following: your labor & delivery will likely be easier, you'll be able to keep up with your young child and relate with them on a certain level as they age because you won't be too far removed from their experience (and will have an easier time staying up on what's cool, in fact, you may set a few trends yourself), and you're less likely to be in a professional position that would hamper your ability to be always present for your child.

That said, lack of professional position could also be of detriment to your child. And we're off and running with the disadvantages: generally speaking, the younger you are, the less professionally established you are and, thus, the less financially stable you are. In addition, you may not be as mature as you think you are when you're faced with sleep deprivation, the most obscene diaper content imaginable, fussy eaters, opinionated adolescents - basically, human beings who don't always share your agenda. Parenting, in my opinion, if done well requires much more than maturity. It requires wisdom. For better or worse, wisdom only comes with age, experience, and, in my opinion, intense philosophical study. No offense, but few, if any, 21 year olds are there.

In the end, I must ask why do you want to have a child now? I have to commend you for thinking about it before just doing it. That is certainly a sign of maturity. I am just so concerned with people's reasons for wanting to have children at any age. So often it seems to me that the reasoning is selfish. It's because "I" want a baby, which is a reason, I think, failing to recognize the full humanity, identity, and autonomy of that baby. Raising children isn't about us, the parents. It's about them, the children, and the future into which we're sending them. Parenting is more of a responsibility than I think most people realize, especially young people.

Answer 4

I had mine at 17, 22, and 24
I have energy to keep up with all their activities
I'm considering another, but I've entered my 30's now and I'm not sure if I want to do it all over again
With Advanced Maternal Age, the more complications can occur
So, if I were you, I'd go for it!!!!

Answer 5

child birthing is much easier with less complications at a young age
you will be youthful enough to have the energy to play with your children
by the time your children are older , you will still be young enough to go out and have a good time

i had my children at 19 & 23 i cant imagine being in my late 30's or early 40's and and having to run around after children

Answer 6

early is best because when children are old enough to look after them selves you and you're hubby will still be young enough to go out and enjoy yourselves

Answer 7

well the good thing bout having them early is they will grow up faster and you wont have to deal with it when your older. the downside is annoying lil kids runnigng round destroying everything that constanly need to be tended to most hours of the night. and stinky nasty diapers.

Answer 8

YES! Earlier birth is better. U get to understand ur children better as the generation gap is smaller. But... that means u have to give up ur career future for now.