My husband and I threw my son a birthday party. I send out invitations with my number and everyone my husbands side RSVP's to my mother in law instead of me. Then when I called her the day before the party she stated these ten people were attending. Was it bad ettiquette for them to RSVP to her and not me? And was it bad ettiquette for her not to inform me of this more then 24 hours in advance? On top of that, I had to rush and get extra supplies for these people. Goody bags and such for the kids. I had exactly enough of everything then at the party my sister in laws best friend and her daughter showed up by the way this is a woman i do not get along with. This women was invited by my sister in law without my knowledge. This woman never spoke to me or my husband but sat down and ate our food and took two goody bags for her one child at the end. Was this bad ettiqutte on my sister is laws part for inviting her? My sister is law stated i was just being a B and it was not a big deal.
2007-03-13 18:36:43 · 8 answers · asked by J&A 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Everyone in this whole ugly mess was just as wrong as you feel they were, if not more so. The fact they didn't RSVP to the number indicated, or your mother in law "forgot" to tell you the extra number, or your sister in law inviting extra people without telling you. The fact that the (un)invited guests would ignore you is the height of classlessness. But the real kicker is your sister-in-law insulting you after all you did to entertain them.
Your husband's side of the family is uncouth and crass. My advice - first, don't do this again. If you do, only invite your son's friends - he won't miss the ingrates. But if you must, state directly that RSVPs MUST be made to you by a certain date; otherwise, you will be unable to accommodate (no big loss if you turn some of those folks off). Also, buy extra goody bags for the kids. No matter how much of ******* the adults were, nothing's worse then a child singled out for not getting goodies. Better no one gets a goody bag then to run out prematurely, no matter what the excuse.
2007-03-13 19:27:58 · answer #1 · answered by ZenPenguin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know *why* these people would RSVP to someone who wasn't even hosting, if I say to someone else that I'm gonna come but I don't contact the host, then that isn't RSVP'ing, it's just chatting about an upcoming party... unless your mother in law offered to pass the message on to you, in which case she was quite possibly *trying* to be helpful, but it miss-fired because she either didn't know enough about RSVP'ing to know it means letting people know *on time*, or she just plain forgot.... I wouldn't be too harsh on her, chances are her intentions were good.
I do think it was very bad manners of your sister in law's friend to show up; I'd have turned her away. Now this is probably rude of me but uninvited guests, especially people I don't know, do not cross my doorstep. I'm not very sociable, I rarely host at all and when I do I would not allow people to bring uninvited unrelated guests... a significant other okay but not 'friends of friends'. I'd have told her we were having a party and I couldn't have other visitors right then. Fortunately this has never happened to me yet, people even ask about significant others, my friends know I'm not comfortable having *anyone* over with more than two at a time so they wouldn't do that to me.... Even if you don't want to go as far as to turn her away, you could have stopped her from taking two goodie bags; simply say 'one only, please'. That isn't rude or unsociable, it's just standing up for yourself.
But on your part it might be a good idea to not plan *too* strictly; even among people who do know how RSVP'ing works and who are invited there's always a chance someone will forget, or someone will send regrets but the other event will be cancelled and they may either ring you on short notice or show up saying 'hey, suchandsuch didn't go through, we'd love to come'. Since these are people you *did* invite in the first place and you do like them there... get a few extra goodie bags and a bit of extra food, preferably stuff that keeps so if instead a few people don't show up you don't have to throw it out.
2007-03-14 07:51:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All of these people behaved very inappropriately and you are right to be upset. If I can make a suggestion, have a party for the family and a seperate party for your sons friends. My family has done this every year. The Friday or Saturday is the party with friends and the Sunday is the party with family (usually in the form of a family dinner). With family the goodie bags are not necessary, just put bowls of sweets out on the tables and if there are children attending give them each a paper plate to dish up their own sweets.
2007-03-14 09:15:20 · answer #3 · answered by Ashleigh L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey I have been in your shoes for 10 years! These people do not RESPECT you at all! My in laws will show up uninvited move my furniture around tell me its not my house 'cause my hubby works I don't that kinda thing. My hubby did not stand up for me 'till the last time when I left with my son now the outlaws say I turned him away from them! They were wrong in so many ways. They never send my son gifts unless it is used and never show up on time. The one who was moving my stuff left drugs in my house. You can not change them. You should have heard mine when we moved 'cause my hubby got a better job & we bought a house. One sister said I used Voodoo! I'm part black he's spanish does not help my mother is from Hatti! And your sisterinlaw owes you an apology! Don't hold your breath for it! And what does your hubby say?
2007-03-14 01:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the real world, Expectant Mommy! This sort of thing happens everywhere. It's seeing the interaction between people at first hand. Don't give up, however. Just learn who is who, use your intuition, ignore bad behaviour, (but remember it for the future), and enjoy the good bits. If there's stuff left over, you've succeeded. Make that enough, and go clean up the mess. Whoever made it is now irrelevant,
2007-03-14 01:58:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would they RSVP with someone who is not hosting the party? That's bizarre.
Yes, it's also bad etiquette to coem to a party to which one was not invited.
Of course the whole country's etiquette habits have gone to hell in a handbasket so this crappy behavior is not uncommon at all anymore.
2007-03-14 03:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother-in-law was wrong, your sister-in-law was wrong, the friend of the sister-in-law was wrong. Can you ask some of these people why they RSVP'd to her rather than you, the hostess?
Consider yourself as Ms Manners among the cretins.
2007-03-14 01:42:22 · answer #7 · answered by lyllyan 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you have fun? Did the kids have fun? Can I have some leftover cake?
2007-03-14 07:28:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋