Would you be upset?

Question

My husband and I threw my son a birthday party. My mother in law asked me if my son could go ahead and open gifts. I said "I would like for him to do it when everyone is done eating." She said well let him open this because so and so is leaving so i said fine. I went to the restroom when i returned she had allowed him to open half the gifts. I felt like she was taking control the entire time but i did nothing trying not to offend anyone. My husband then asked his mother to have a seat, enjoy being a guest and to let us do the work so then his parents left because of that comment. My mother in law then stated that I threw a very un-organized party and that it was not planned well at all. I feel like they wouldn't give me a chance. Now the entire family will not speak to my husband and I and somehow this is all my fault. Would you be upset be upset by my husbands comment to his mother? If you were me would you be upset for her taking over and then blaming the crazyness on me?

My husbands family has now made his believe they are right and im unreasonable. Now hes telling me if i cant bend on things my son wont have family.

Answer 1

Your mother in-law was wrong but she probably has the power of making everyone feel sorry for her as do many mother in-laws so i'm sorry to say that the only one that can save you right now is your husband. He needs to stay on your side instead of bending under the pressure of his family. Above all remember that you aren't wrong and that at the right moment he understood that. Try and remind him of that fact and don't let him put the guilt trip on you.

Answer 2

It would have bothered me, too. It's not your fault.

She's always going to make you feel that way and you have to learn how to handle it so that it doesn't create more stress for you. She wants to test your will and allowing her to do so will just make it grow - think Everybody Loves Raymond. She thinks her way is the best way and she will be critical no matter what. You can turn her into the comedic relief or the nightmare that's always there.

Arguing about it with hubby won't help - he'll be pulled between his wife and mother - not a pleasant place to be for any man.

Just know that's how it's going to be - it's a personality clash and not something you can fix or persuade someone to take sides in. Accept it for what it is with a soft growl and quick smile...there will be much less tension.

Your son had his party and got his gifts, everyone laughed and had a good time, isn't that what mattered? Don't let this noxious interlude be your memory of a very happy occasion.

It's a hard road but do your best to stay out of the blame lane.

Answer 3

Wow. I'm sorry your husband's family is so controlling. Girl, you better lay down the law and let him know that he is now a family with YOU and your son and to tell his mother to chill. Frankly, it sounds like your son may be better off without that half of his family especially if they want to make a huge deal out of a simple statement. It all comes down to your husband standing by his new family and letting his old family know that you and he have everything under control. By the way, the mother in law should never be left in charge of ANYTHING in YOUR house. You should have a sit down with your in laws and your husband and be as offensive as you need to be to get the point across: this is your family and like it or not, you do things the way you want to and while you would like to include them in your life, it won't kill you if they are not around. Good luck.

Answer 4

She sounds like she has control issues. I would explain to your husband that you had no intention of hurting feelings, but just want to enjoy being the host and the mom while your son is young, and that every family does things differently, but in your house, with your son you would appreciate his support in backing you. The parents left due to what your husband said, not what you said. I would state my case, and make all aware that at your house you are the hostess, and they are the guest and if you need help, you have a husband to help you. Tell your in laws that you love them all, and only want to enjoy your sons childhood the best you can and that you hope when he is grown you will allow him to do the same. Families that are to close are dysfunctional. Mom in law sounds like she has some insecurities and is wanting to relieve her son's party through yours. Stay strong.

Answer 5

You have every right to be upset. Your monster-in-law wanted more attention than she was getting. Her behavior wasn't about the quality of your organization of the party. It was about her not getting the attention she wanted. She childishly acted out by disregarding your wishes and then throwing a temper tantrum and storming out when she was confronted about her behavior. What a horrible grandmother!! The day was supposed to be all about your son, but his grandmother found a way to make it all about her.

Let the woman have her pity party with the rest of the dysfunctional drama queens avoiding you. Trust me - you and your family are better off without their toxic behavior. You don't want your son growing up thinking that kind of behavior is normal, do you?

Answer 6

your son is your child not hers. Your husband should know how important it is for the 2 of you to stick together on issues like this. I feel for you having a mother-in-law like that. The in-laws left because of your husband's comments, not yours. This was not your fault. Give this time to blow over and try to get back to normal.

Answer 7

you have done absolutely nothing wrong. your husband did the right thing by calling his mom down. however, he should be defending you not his mom now. she was wrong by taking over the party that you worked hard and spent the money to throw. maybe you need to be the one to put your foot down and let them know that they were in the wrong. i have a mother-n-law that is the same way. although, my husband will put her in her place. yeah, she gets mad but she always gets over it. people like that need to grow up and realize that when their kids are grown and have their own families to back off and let them be parents and quit trying to be in control where they have no right to be in control.

Answer 8

they always think they are right and i think you are right but remember to pick your battles this seems like you should maybe take her to lunch and be like i feel like you try and take over my sons birthday party it was organized enough for me and hes my child you already got to do this for many years and have many more yrs of experience so maybe you would have been more organized but i don't appreciate being steam rolled and if this continues i am afraid i will avoid you and in turn you may not see your grandchild as much because you don't want your son seeing people treat you disrespectfully what if he picks that up

i dunno though maybe you should just get your husband to talk to her he knows her best

Answer 9

I would have said something to her. It isn't her right to come into your house, at your party for your son and disobey what you said. I have the same problem and I don' blame your husband at all..

Answer 10

You were 100% right. Your husband did the right thing. Yep, she tried to take over and she was being a *****.