2007-03-13 18:02:52 · 11 answers · asked by Mike C 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
hey!, tell your mom i said thanks...... for last night!
2007-03-13 18:11:51 · answer #1 · answered by premedhopeful 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Do you this one as a good joke?
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
2007-03-13 20:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by Electric 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The test!!!?
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
2007-03-13 18:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by keets 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology
2007-03-13 21:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by Stargate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.There was a man who really took good care of his body?
. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror - yes, he was a bit vain - and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So, he decided to do something about it.
He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon encountering the penis sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant.
The lady with the cane replied,
"When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to squat."
2007-03-13 18:42:11 · answer #5 · answered by conan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
2007-03-13 18:54:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
heard this tonight
a lady finds out she has cancer and has only 3 years to live so she tells her daughter "we only have a little bit of time left together so let's enjoy ourselves" so they go out to a bar and get really drunk. when their there they see a friend and the friend asks "what are you doing here? it's not like you to be at a bar w. your daughter." the lady says, " I went to the doctor and found out I had aids and only have 3 years to live" later on the Lady's daughter asks," mom why did you tell her you have aids?" the lady says,"I don't want any of my friends ******* my man when I'm dead"
tee hee, I told it poorly.
2007-03-13 18:20:50 · answer #7 · answered by experiMENTAL bunny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What’s the difference between an elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey! Lulz!
2007-03-13 19:27:53 · answer #8 · answered by superhappyfunman! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A blonde was off at college and comes home for Christmas Break.....
Blonde: "Mom, Dad, I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want to hear first?"
Mom: "Bad news"
Blonde: "I'm pregnant."
Dad: "What's the good news?"
Blonde: "I don't think it's mine"
2007-03-13 21:35:36 · answer #9 · answered by Cricket Monroe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself in Minnesota for a minute... rural Minnesota.
Ole: "So, Sven, I heard you vas down in dat dere outhouse again."
Sven: "Oh, ja, ja. You know dat I dropped a couple of qvarters down in dere?"
Ole: "Oh, ja?"
Sven: "Ja, ja, so da first ting I did vas to trow my vallet and vatch down in dere, too."
Ole: "Vy vould you do dat, Sven?"
Sven: "Vell, I vasn't going to go down dere for yust fifty cents!"
2007-03-13 18:19:03 · answer #10 · answered by jlp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try these-
www.jokes.com
www.coolquiz.com/humor/jokes
www.ahajokes.com
www.thejokes.com
www.lotsofjokes.com
www.jokepier.com
www.funny.com
www.jokesgallery.com
Hope dese tickle your humor bone!
2007-03-13 18:15:54 · answer #11 · answered by MagicalPixie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋