My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We are in our mid-20's, I'm a grad-student and he works full-time. We plan on getting married when I graduate in about 2 years.
Since, we've been dating, he has lived in a shared house w/ his brother, cousin and a close friend. Each guy has there own bedroom, but only my boyfriend is in a serious relationship. I live w/ my parent's and spend a lot of time@ my bf's house. The guys have no problem w/ me being there. They actually like it b/c I love to cook, it's my hobby and they love to eat.
However, my bf's roommates do not respect our privacy. When I sleepover, we do not lock the bedroom door b/c my bf has a dog that needs to get in an out of the room. As a result, I often find his roommates barging into his room in the morning, sitting on the edge of the bed and having convo's with him while I'm still sleeping. I'm very uncomfortable with this. I like my privacy when I sleep.
2007-03-13 17:49:42 · 13 answers · asked by Answer Girl 2007 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Also, when we do have the door locked for privacy, they still knock. It bothers me, b/c a locked door usually signals we want to be alone.
On occasions, I have also awakened to find his mother, sisters and aunt have come to visit. A little awakard to wake up to see your boyfriend's mother. Even though we are adults, we aren't married yet, so it makes things slightly uncomfortable.
How do I address that I'm not comfortable with this openness. I like his brother and cousin a lot, and I don't want to insult my boyfriend's family.
2007-03-13 17:52:25 · update #1
Just let him know it bothers you. Tell him you understand why he doesn't want to lock the door but tell him you're uncomfortable having other men in the room while you're sleeping. If he can't handle that you're with the wrong guy.
2007-03-13 17:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by bernel1403 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really blame guys for this, it's the same with a lot of us. I had a longterm girlfriend for a while that my roommates like a lot and ended up getting comfortable with... unfortunately for her lol. I had one who would actually come in while we were in the middle of sex without knocking, sit at the edge of my bed, and start in on a conversation. This was during my college days. My girlfriend just got use to it. I'm not saying that you have to deal with it, but maybe it will make you feel a little better about your situation.
Really when guys who live together have a girl around the house all the time, she becomes "one of the guys". Tell your boyfriend it bugs you. He'll probably not see the big deal, but he will most likely do something about it. As for the family coming to visit while you're still in bed... the only way you can avoid this is by waking up earlier. You can't ask him to tell his family not to step by. You could also consider getting your own place, then you're the one in control.
2007-03-13 18:02:47 · answer #2 · answered by Wildernessguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick the dog out, and lock the door. If this isn't possible, when you wake up and find them there, make a nice comment about how when you went to sleep, there were 2 people in the room... they will probably get the hint, and your boyfriend should, too, and back you on this. If he wants to talk to the friends, he should get out of bed, and go elsewhere.
It is a weird world, and this visiting while you are asleep is crossing the line. It could lead to more expectations on the room mates part, and might be invitation to visit at more inappropriate times.
I'm suprised your BF has not stopped this long ago. Hopefully, it was not your BF doing the inviting, and he was just hesitating telling them to quit because he did not wish to hurt their feelings. You are not "one of the boys", and there needs to be a line drawn, nicely. In my opinion.
2007-03-13 18:00:21 · answer #3 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well again...this is another in a whole array of reasons that maybe sleeping with the boyfriend before he is the married friend may not be the best choice. Not trying to be stuffy but like you said...you feel uncomfortable...well of course you do but you wouldn't if you slept at home. His mom or aunt or cousins or friends won't be coming in your room or knocking at your door at home. And when you are married I am sure you will have your own place...See how the whole marriage thing works out in that you start the nesting routine? Right now you are like...I don't know..having sex so we are committed but oh we don't have our place since we aren't really committed yet. You are in such a grey area now and the result is just such situations as you described...lol My god you have the rest of your lives to sleep together so why not wait till its as you say ....really comfortable which would be after you get married,,,in your own nest. Till then...if you don't want the discomfort...go to your room....alone....Good Luck!
2007-03-13 18:22:19 · answer #4 · answered by chcman74 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no way of getting around the subject. The best way is come straight out with it. First off, I think you should thank him for letting you stay with him at his house. You should tell him how much you appreciate spending the night with him. Then you can slowly incorporate the roommate situation. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable waking up to other people in the room.
I find this the most polite and straight forward way to tell him.
2007-03-13 17:55:43 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's simple. Just go confront your boyfriend respectfully and say "______ Can you please tell them to stay out of the room while I'm sleeping because sometimes I like my privacy. What if they barge into the room while I'm changing my clothes or something"
Good luck between you and your boyfriend and I hope I helped.
PS. If that doesn't work then confront his Brothers yourself and make sure it's not in a rude way because they will just think it is funny and keep on doing it. But just say "Can you please knock on the door/stay out of the room while we're sleeping? I really don't like when people barge into the room while we're sleeping."
2007-03-13 17:56:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my first suggestion...lock the door. You can retrain the dog...
Or you two could get your own place...if you all are planning to get married I suggest living together first.
Or you could always try talking to your boyfriend. Just tell him that you are uncomfortable with his buddys being in the room while you are sleeping. Communication is key to any relationship...he should understand.
2007-03-13 17:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by ~Just A Girl~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta tell him to keep the dog out so you can have your own personal time without worrying about who's watching or will be coming in. The dog has got to go! Or at least set up at least 3-4 times during the week to have the dog out all night.
2007-03-13 17:53:33 · answer #8 · answered by Scott F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wrote a contemporary from "Grandma Jane" then by way of all skill write "costly Grandma Jane". Plus asserting Grandma Jane makes it sound greater own than Mrs. X. It is clever this type.
2016-10-02 02:16:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him. Let him know that his friend really creeps you out. Drop it simply and I'm sure he will understand.
2007-03-13 17:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋