since my boyfriend & I have been dating he comes & visits me every single holiday. I told him I would come this time because it wasn't fair he keeps spending his time and money. My mom had a fit about me driving 4 hours by myself bc im a girl so she said she would tag along. That made me mad enough. it is the night before & she decides not to go and says that I can't because it's too far. I am so mad at her and we planned this a week ago. My heart was set on seeing him. May I add I am 20. I hate being disobedient especially when I am a college student who is dependent on her mother. How do I handle this?
2007-03-13 17:37:54 · 5 answers · asked by JELLE 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to stand up for yourself. Although maybe she just wants to go along with you for the first time to see that the drive and everything goes okay, and after that she will be cool with you going on your own. You have to be respectful to her because she is supporting you while you get through college. You really can't let her know that your: "not a little girl anymore and that you can take care of yourself," because you can't take care of yourself she's still supporting you.
2007-03-13 18:09:40 · answer #1 · answered by juniper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me, it never stops. My mom is worried about me driving home this summer. Granted we're talking 4 days of driving with my 2 girls and our dog and cat but I'm also 38. Fortunately I'm out of the house and paying my own bills so I don't have to depend on her for the car or money. But I definitely will take her concerns into account as I know she wants us to get there safely.
If you're depending on your mom for use of the car and/or money to go, I would ask her what changed her mind about going. Maybe something came up at work. Or maybe she doesn't feel like you appreciate her offer to go along. (Hey, if that's the only way she's going to let you go it might be a good idea to be happier about it.) But sit down and talk to her about it and see if there is a compromise you can work out to still visit your BF. Maybe calling home when you get there and periodically during the visit and just before you leave to come home if you can go alone. Or planning some time just for you and your mom while you're there if she's still going to come.
If you need to depend on your mom while you're in school your best bet is to work for her agreement.
2007-03-14 12:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to your mother. Remember: Be easy, becuz she's just doing this becuz she luvs you. My dad was always over-protective. He wouldn't even let me have friends over & even if he had met their parents before, he had to chat at least 20 mins. before letting me stay the nite.
It used to bug me, but now looking back, i see that he just wanted to take care of me & keep me safe. Your mother isn't out of your life & you're 20 yrs. old. Consider yourself lucky, becuz some kids lose their parents at 18 yrs. of age, becuz they move away/get married, etc.
Just say something like: Mom, you know i luv you more than anything & i appreciate you wanting to keep me safe. But i am a woman now, and i'm old enough to go places by myself. I had my mind set on seeing him, and i was upset that you told me i couldn't go. I'm an adult, Mom, and i want to go. You can't hold me back forever, now that i'm grown up. I know you're just being protective of me & i know you're doing it becuz you care, but i really need the leash cut. I see you as an inspiration in my life & i'm SO happy that you care about me like this. You don't know how greatful i am, but i want to move from the nest...not just physically. I want to be able to make my own decisions. I luv you more than anything & i'm glad that you luv me, too.
I hope this helped. Also, 1 of my sister's friends, Callie, went thru the same thing. Callie had come to our house at least 15 x's & her mother still had to have a chat w/ our mother for about 15 mins. It was so annoying & her mother was always calling her 24/7. She had to have a talk w/ her mom & her mom understood. I hope everything works out w/ you & your mother. â¥
2007-03-14 01:03:29 · answer #3 · answered by Abby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to let go. mothers worry about their children no matter how old they are. talk to her and let her know you listened to everything she has ever told you. be patient with your mom, you only have one. some times letting go is harder then we think.
2007-03-14 01:22:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go whats the worst she can do to you yo are 20 y/o's
2007-03-14 04:47:36 · answer #5 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋