How to Address my Boyfriend w/out insulting him?

Question

A little background: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We are both in are mid-20's and I'm currently in grad school, he works full time. When I finish school, we plan on getting married.

However, right now I'm a little upset with my boyfriend's current living situation. Since, I've met him he has lived in a shared house w/ his brother, cousin and a close friend. All these guys are around the same age, he is the only one with a serious girlfriend (me). He has his own bedroom, but we have little privacy ever. I spend a lot of time at his house, because I live with my parents for financial reasons. His house offers us more privacy from my parents, but not from his roommates. They are very inconsiderate. We don't lock the door at night or even close it all the way, b/c my boyfriend has a dog that needs to get in and out of the room. He sleeps on the floor in his bedroom, but his water dish is in the kitchen. As a result, when I spend the night, my

boyfriend's roommates just barge right in the room in the morning, when I'm still sleeping. Granted, I'm full clothed while sleeping, but I still feel very uncomfortable. A few times, I have awakened to find his brother or cousin sitting at the edge of the bed having a convo with my bf. Awkard moment!!

I love my boyfriend's brother and cousin, but they are so set in their ways of living together.

I want to tell my boyfriend I am uncomfortable by this behavior. But, I don't want to insult his family members, especially his brother. They are very, very close. What do I say?

I would like to clarify....I don't love my boyfriend's brother or cousin in a "that way". I realized that read funny.

In addition, a few times I have awakened to find his mother, sister and aunt standing in his bedroom. Even more awakard. They invite themselves over unannonced. The boys have no problems with this.

Answer 1

I waited until you were completely done to answer.

I guess they're family is just really open and doesn't seem to care a lot. If you get used to it, you might find it cool that everyone is so comfortable around each other. I love having people come into my room in the morning and sit on the edge of my bed to talk to me. I think it's neat.

If you're not comfortable with it, try talking to your boyfriend about it. That's really the only thing you can do.

Answer 2

Hi

If someone shares the house with other two men there should be some boundaries for living or sleeping or other issues.

If I were you, you are educated individual able to handle this very easily. Discuss with your boyfriend first and tell your concerns and discomfort zone.. let him handle this issue with 3 men together. and having a dog and he needs to go back and forth to bedroom door not lock can be solve easily.. for god seek, have him cut the bottom of the door which your boyfriend's dog can go in and out from the your private bedroom. you can lock the door when you are sleeping.. this is easy if you need to have privacy for both of you.. I believe, door can be replace if you move out from there in the future.. home depot or Lowe's sell these doors not more then $30-50 dollars. it is easily to replace. this can make you feel private and you can lock door without complaining and also dog can have a small open place to drink water anytime nights or days. I hope this will help you..and you will not have any misunderstanding and communications.. this is very smart way to keep your boyfriend and you in the room.. if they need to open the door.. hey.. they have to knock to door.. right.. what do you think... I hope you are smiling and best of luck to you and your school.

Answer 3

The first thing you have to realize is that, all in all, it really isn't your house, it's theirs.

As selfish as that may sound, it's the truth.

Things are going to happen that you may not like, but you can't say really too much about it, because you don't pay the rent.

However (!!) ...

You can address him about it politely.

Talk to him like it's any other matter.

Simply tell him that you'd like to have a little more privacy from his roomates/family when you are with him.

Even if the door is not closed all the way, because it is his room, and because you are his guest in his room, they should knock before coming in.

And, if you boyfriend's friends/roomies need to talk to him that badly while you're sleeping, he can leave the room to let you rest without being bothered.

It's not that they are inconsiderate.

Like you said, you are all very close to each other.

Because of that, they feel they don't have to be quite as considerate towards you.

My friends treat my girfriend the same way.

To them, she is simply "one of the guys."

Sometimes, a lot of times, actually, she hates that.

Because we are the only steady couple of the entire group, she doesn't necessarily want to hear all of us guys talking about ball-bags and so forth when she's sitting right there.

All you have to do is explain it to him that you still need your privacy from them, especially when you're under the covers.

Answer 4

OK if the dog is the problem then put the dish and everything else where the dog can go and stay so it wont bother u Tell Ur bf he will understand because Ur dating for over 3 years and if it is a problem with his room mates then tell Ur bf to tell them to give him like space or something because i have company which is u

Answer 5

If you two have been dating for so long and plan on marrage then he should be perfectly fine with you talking to him about the living conditions. I'd start by saying "Look, I love you, but there is something we need to talk about. And PROMISE me you wont take this the wrong way, but...". Something like that should work as a starter. And maybe you should talk to his family. Tell them how you feel and ask if they could respect your privacy a little.

Answer 6

What if your boyfriend said he was unhappy with your living situation and you should have your own place.

What I'm trying to say, is it sounds like his place is the best option of the 2 right now ... and I think you need to tough it out until the two of you get your own place. Seriously, I don't think this is enough to cause problems in your seemingly otherwise happy relationship.

Answer 7

bring the doggy bowl to the bedroom. You deserve privacy. Another resort would be to put a 'doggy door' into the bedroom door. Hope can soon get a place of your own. Best wishes.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

You're the one sleeping in their home. Like it or just don't stay there. Don't expect men to change their habits. It is pretty rude of you to barge into their living space. They aren't whining about you being there. You'll be married soon enough and you can have your own privacy.
For now, let them be men.

Answer 10

Bring the water dish in the bedroom so the dog won't have to go in & out.
His roomates live there and you really can't tell them what to do. That's up to your boyfriend.