my son has known my husband since before he turned one. he is now four and my husband and i have two children together. my question is--has anyone noticed any difference in treatment by grandparents or one or both parents? i have noticed that my inlaws treat my son differently than their own grandson. not horribly, just different. they treat him as their own grandchild but i can see the subtle difference. and my husband says stuff like his son wont act like how my son does. but he accepts him as his son while sometimes throwing in my face that he is not able to adopt him because his deadbeat boilogical father has visitation rights; but doesn't pay child support hence deadbeat. my husband says i am imagining the difference in treatment. i just wanted some opinions and personal experiences. thanks.
2007-03-13 16:16:50 · 5 answers · asked by pwrgrlmanda 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have 2 step-kids and one of my own. I love them all the same - and so does my family. But yeah, there are some subtle differences in the way they are treated at times. Not that the one is favored, but sometimes different. It could be because he is a different kid with a different personality. It could be because he is younger. It could be because I've known him "longer" than the others (meaning since he was born) so I have a better understanding of him. It could be because of bloodlines or family traits. Here's the thing. I actually have subtle differences in the way they ALL are treated. I mean, they all have their own personalities and react differently. Here's the key: I love them all the same. I would die to save any of them. I would defend and protect any of them. I would make sacrifices in my life for all of them! So even though two are not "biologically" mine (and I can't adopt either), it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that God has blessed me with four wonderful people that I get to call my family! And I love them all the same but sometimes treat each of them slightly differently to fit my relationship with them. I don't play favorites!!
I think the other key is to not get caught up in worrying about how one of them is treated (especially subtle differences), but more worrying about if they are all treated in a respectful loving way that fits them.
I hope this helps. Love you kids!! And your husband!!
Be blessed!
2007-03-13 16:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by Cool Dad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with an older sister that had a different different dad then me and my younger brother and sister. I was out on my own and came back to visit and was shocked to hear her say we had treated her different cause she had a different dad! NO WAY!!! When we were growing up not once did I think of her or act like she was anything other than what she was and is, MY SISTER, not half-sister not part sister or any other form or way of discrimination. Now we did treat her different because she was the oldest and she also liked to get us in trouble and tell on us all the time so we had to treat her different when it came to doing stuff we wanted to do and knew we weren't supposed to :) If you notice that the subtle difference in the way the inlaws treat him starts to take a toll, just remind him that he gets to have two christmas'!
2007-03-14 00:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by hottdamnpam_2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im kinda on your husbands side in this, my boyfriend has a kid with someone else and her mother refuses to give up rights to her, even though we have her 90% of the time. and my kids will never act like my boyfriends daughter but my kids will have both their parents in the same house, and that makes a difference. I do consider her my kid though and she calls me mom, she knows she has 2 moms (shes 6)
2007-03-14 00:11:30 · answer #3 · answered by Olivia's Mama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each child is loved in their own unique way by each parent.
Its not fair for the child, if the parents are evaluating each other on the type and amount of love they have for the kid.
Its a self-fullfilling cycle which also hurts families that do not have step children.
2007-03-13 23:59:19 · answer #4 · answered by Darwin C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done this - I tried for years to get the grandparents not to show differences and finally had to give up. They aren't going to change - all it did was upset me and cause arguments with my husband. Are they doing this to get a rise out of you? that's one reason my in-laws did it, so I quit feeding into it.
2007-03-13 23:23:37 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋