What is a mature, but repectful way to talk to my mom?

Question

I believe sometimes a parent has to set by and let their children find their own way. I feel like I am woman enough to make my own decisions. I am 19 yrs. old, smart, beautiful, in college, and have a boyfriend. My mom has just found out we kiss (we are saving sex until marriage) (WHICH by the way we are plannign after college) and has been harassing me about it every since. She calls me constantly and has sent me an email the size of Texas. She is smothering me ... I just want to live the way she has taught me and make my own decisions.

Answer 1

I gather that you and your mother have an otherwise healthy and harmonious relationship. For such a discussion as I propose, it would be best held in a neutral place, perhaps over tea in a nice little place, LOL Your treat.

In a non confrontational manner broach the subject. Let her know how well she has raised you, stroke her in a genuine and loving fashion. LOL I have had to do this with my parents at one time or another. Only with me it was religion. Anyhow, let her know how much you love her and appreciate her wisdom, yada yada yada over the years.

Then switch tactics while she is feeling that she has truly done well with you. Let her know her teachings are deeply embedded in your psyche. Let her know that you are a moral and decent young woman. A young woman capable of making a few decisions on her own. She knows you plan to marry etc I gather. Let her know how she has raised you to have a strong self esteem and intelligent moral outlook regarding sex and marriage.

Don't get strident, keep it warm. I am sure most of these things she already knows and appreciates. She is probably worried you will "give it away" under the lust of the moment which is, I will be honest, always a possibility. Tell her that her interference is pushing you away and that you do not want such a thing to tarnish your mother/daughter relationship.

I am sending you a few links so that you might understand where her fears come from. I imagine your Mother is young enough to be my daughter btw. I know the era and the horrible twisting our generation suffered at the hands of the media and unscrupulous manipulators of society. The dangers are even more evil with you, the third generation.

You and your man are doing it RIGHT. I read your letter just after writing about the disintegration of the family in America.

http://www.savethemales.ca/180302.html

http://www.savethemales.ca/000185.html

http://www.rense.com/general74/fem.htm

It sounds as if you have already decided to make marriage and family your primary focus. Tell your mom that you know your charm is your capital. and you plan to invest it wisely rather than squander it before marriage to your fiance.

Tell her that you know your attractiveness reflects your physical and spiritual innocence. Tell her your sweetheart is a good man who finds your innocence very attractive; it balances you emotionally and spiritually. You both know that a woman who is hard and cynical is not attractive to men.

Let her know that you are committed to consecrating your innocence for this man whom you love and plan to marry. you plan to prepare yourself to be worthy to become a wife and mother.

How much affirmation do these women get in popular culture? Zip. Rather girls and young women are encouraged to squander their innocence. Who can doubt that the devil's servants are coordinating this disgrace? I am sure your mother knows you are a smart young woman with your head on straight.

And finally tell her.. you just want to live as she has taught you so well. Tell her that you know from her excellent example and teaching that you are capable now of making solid decisions based on the tools she gave you and to please trust you and treat you as the adult you are now.

Yeah yeah, you will always be the bare bottom she diapered but you can get beyond that here LOL.

I wish you well. Your mom has done a superlative job on you and she deserves to be proud of you. You deserve to be proud of you too! BTW, your guy is to be complimented for being such a good solid man to not pressure you! I am very happy for you and only wish my girls would find such men.

Answer 2

This is the stage where she can't seem to fully let go. Give her some time. She knows she's raised a wonderful person so sit her down respectfully and tell her that you appreciate her as a mother and you will always do whats right even though you make cross a few humps in the road but you'll get up and dust yourself off. Just keep reassuring her and send her positive energy. I stress communication is the key. She'll have to let go sooner or later. Trust me.

Answer 3

I agree with the first post. your mother is definitely taking it too far. you seem like a respectable young woman, especially since you've decided to save yourself for marriage.. and what's better is you've found a respectable man who isn't pressuring you.. your mother needs to realize what gems she has in her life.

does your mother understand your intentions? does she know you both are waiting until after marriage for sex? if she doesn't, you should definitely explain that to her.

although it can sometimes be intimidating, it's important to take a firm stand when talking to your parents. make sure you KNOW what you want to say. if you don't you will crumble under the pressure and lose an important victory. in order to be seen as an adult, you have to act like an adult. explain to her all of the honorable things you've done and continue to do and give that as evidence that you are capable of making your own decisions -- but make sure you tell her that you do value her opinion, you don't want to hurt her feelings!

the most important thing in situations like this is communication. get your point accross clearly and without blame (definitely don't say "mom! you are smothering me! let me live my own life!) make sure you let her know you still love her, but you are able to decide things for yourself, especially concerning your relationships.. and if she throws out the general parent comment "i just don't want you to get hurt/do something stupid".. remind her that life's best lessons are best learned with experience :)

i hope this helped!

Answer 4

Tell her that she has spent 19 years teaching you what's right and that now it's time to trust in her teaching. You might make her feel better if you explain to her what your plans are and point out how appreciative you are to have been given her values. Tell her that you love and respect her but that it's time for you to start living independently as an adult and that she can show her love and respect for you by trusting your judgement. Then try to contact her regularly so she doesn't feel shut out. (It's hard to be the one left behind) Good luck.

Answer 5

Wow! You are an adult now. You have to set boundaries with her as quickly as you can. Tell her it is your business now and not hers. Be respectful but be firm. She is not respecting your privacy and your ability to make decisions on your own. You really need to start setting boundaries now or you're going to have problems with her for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

Tell her straight up. I'm able to take care of myself. You've taught me well mom and I'm going to save sex till marriage and its not going to be until after college.

Cliched... i know..

Answer 7

shes just worried about you.... u seem to have a good head on ur shoulders... and a kiss is just a kiss... she thinks it will lead to other things.... just tell her...you wont cross the line and thats the ONE way u show ur feelings for this guy. and he respects you...and u wouldnt do anything disrespectful.... tell her ur not like all the other kids that are promiscuous...tell her she taught u well... and thank her.... good luck

Answer 8

i think ur right just tekk her straight up how u feel and if she doesnt understand u then u really have a problem...well good luck i wish u the best!!!