Is it just shyness?

Question

I am 19 years old, I have always been very very shy for as long as I can remember, but I want to get over this. When I was in high school, I always made very good grades, and always turned in my work, but when it came to having to speak in front of the class, most of the time I took a 0 to avoid speaking in front of people. When the teacher would make me speak I would be sick for days or weeks before. I want to go to college, but I am terrified because I know that I will have to talk in front of people. I am so sick of being this way. How do I become more confident and be able to talk to people comfortably??

Also, when I would try to speak in school, I would be near tears and my voice would be really shaky...I hate it! I have also been turned down by a job because they don't think I can handle it, that I don't seem like a could talk enough to do the job....it really sucks!

Answer 1

College is too important an experience for you to miss out on because of your fear. I can't tell you exactly how to be more confident, because I struggle with that daily, but you just have to have believe in what you say and do. My question to you is, why are you so afraid to speak in public? Is it the people looking at you, are you afraid that they might make fun of you, or what is it? You need to answer that question first and then you can begin to overcome this fear.

For me, it's always been that I'm afraid, I don't know what I'm talking about and that people will think I'm stupid because of what I say. Because of this, I'm a history major, where I can take classes where the discussion is mostly opinion based, and there is no right or wrong answer. As long as you can back up your opinion with something, it's right. And sometimes for me, it just takes a teacher telling me that my ideas in my papers are good and I should share, and my self-esteem is boosted and I'm not afraid.

I would try taking a few classes at your community college for a semester or two before jumping into the whole on-campus college experience for four years. And begin with classes that are sometimes lecture, sometimes discussion, and maybe an english or history class that's all discussion. Pick whatever you're interested in, but pick something that would get you talking in class in a more natural setting, rather than in a presentation setting. Also many teachers notice shy students and will try to bring you out in the discussion. And if you talk to them, and tell them you're afraid to talk in front of the class, if they're a good teacher, they'll help to bring you out.

I hope you can find a way to live with this or overcome this. College can be a lot of fun, and you should be able to have that experience too.

Answer 2

I have also always been shy & terrified of speaking in groups. Here are some tips that have worked for me -hopefully they will help you, too.

In college: No matter what your major is, you will definitely have to give presentations in front of the class. I agree w/a previous post that you should take a class regarding group communication. It will help you with a lot of future classes, even if it isn't required for your course of study.
When giving a presentation, I *always* rely on Microsoft Powerpoint presentations. It is incredibly easy to use and you can add pictures, animation, color, graphs -all sorts of interesting things to ensure that your audience is looking at your presentation not at YOU. Besides, a lot of people give *very boring* presentations -so if you make yours interesting (w/graphics, sound, etc.) people won't focus so much on what you are doing.
Also, I make written notes for every slide in my presentation and practice reading them out loud a few times. This way, I always know exactly what I am going to say & am a little prepared. Even if I start stuttering, I just keep on reading.
A trick I learned from a professor is when you are giving a speech in front of a class, look at the wall at the back of the classroom just above everyone's head. It appears that you are looking some people in the eye even though you aren't.

Regarding talking to people in general:
Try just looking people in the eye & smiling when you are out in public. Just anyone you pass in the street, etc. You can also try making small talk with a cashier at the store, etc. Just ask, "how's it going?" Most people are more than happy to talk about themselves. If you aren't up to that, try just saying "Have a nice day" when you are done.

I was also a shy person -still am =) But the more you fake confidence the easier it gets. Really! You will never be able to completely overcome your shyness, but I promise that if you work at it you will be able to feel more comfortable talking with people. Just don't give up. And *especially* don't give away a chance to go to college.

One last thing -the first time you speak in front of a group of people IT WILL BE AWFUL. You will feel nauseous, sweaty, shaky. You might stutter or blush or forget your speech. But I guarantee it will be 100% worth it for the sense of accomplishment & pride you will have when it is over. And each time after that, it will get a little bit better. I have never gotten over my nervousness at speaking in front of people -but I am able to finally fake confidence & get through it. With a little practice, you can do it, too. Good luck =)

Answer 3

It's a tough situation, but it's good you're finally motivated to make a change. I would recommend you read the Dale Caregie's series, I haven't read them yet but a good teacher of mine recommended me to read it, and he's the kind of guy who only suggests reading the best.

Understand that this isn't a thing that anyone except yourself can really answer and address. You have the confidence -- everyone does. It's whether you decide to use it or not that makes the difference between shy people and outgoing people. You can make the excuse that you get sick/nervious/anxious before/after speaking in front of others, and say that it's too hard to overcome, but that won't hurt anyone except yourself. I'm not saying that to sound mean, but to help you realize and understand and acknowledge that you can do it. Practice small situations where you can use confidence and methodically move onto situations that require more. And keep using it, otherwise it'll slowly go away or others will take advantage of you because you don't use your confidence to give a strong, positive appearance to others.

Two quotes from my favorite social studies teacher of all time:

"If you have a challenge, deal with it, learn from it, grow stronger for it, and move on..."

"Just do it -- 'it' is what you need."

I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Strange, you sound educated, you sound self-assured, you have a fear of speaking in front of people though, and its all in your head

You didn't do yourself any justice in school by denying the speeches, however, its easy to get over. First, in college, take a class called intra-personal communication. It is a speech class, but its in a smaller group setting, normally one on one, and then in groups later on. That can help you build your confidence.

The thing that helps me, when I have to talk in front of a bunch of people is I know my material inside and out, I take a deep breath, I make eye contact with everyone before i begin to speak, this makes me know they are paying attention and then it is my job to keep their attention.

Besides, in college and later on in your career whatever it may be, you will probably never see these people again the next term, so it really doesn't matter, and everyone botches. Turns red, gets impatient, especially freshman year.

What I do, is find someone I know who will be worse than me, they are really finnicky, and then I just say, it don't matter how bad or good I do, just as long as I am better than that.

It helps

Don't let something like this prevent you from going to college.

I would say go for small group settings, its awkward at first, even announcing your name and how old you are in some classes when you first start, but I would say being comfortable is key to speaking......

Answer 5

I know exactly how u feel
i used to be the same way

i met my friend thats really loud and she helped me get over it
i realised that i was so afraid of what people thought about me
that i was scared of myself
and i wouldnt put myself out there
i still hate public speaking to this day
but a few things i do is breath adn think about all the other people are probably jsut as scared
just breathe and laugh at your mastakes
everyone loves when people laugh
it hides the shy/scaredness

Answer 6

One of the places I used to work had a Toastmasters group. I never got around to doing it but a lot of friends did and they got something from it. The whole point of it is EVERYBODY is in the group to improve their speaking, so they take turns giving talks to one another. Maybe they have some sort of groups for young people where you could get some practice with a bunch of people in exactly the same boat you are in.

Answer 7

When i was your age i had great grades in high school,i went to college and left it,do you know why?because i had extreme fear to speak in front of the class.So,now i,m 31 years old working class men,who gave up(sorry for my english,i,m from spain)when a had the chance.But now i,m taking zoloft and that help me a lot,so take antianxiaty medication and go to a psicologist and go forwards,YOU CAN DO IT GOOOOOO!

Answer 8

I get the same exact way. I usually have to prepare myself the day before. I really want to hear what other people say about this question.

Answer 9

40000 Cured Social Anxiety : http://SocialAnxiety.uzaev.com/?RmeX

Answer 10

just confront everyday tasks that make you feel insecure,thats the only way because once you confront it youll see its not soo bad.