mother in law advice?

Question

my MIL has a gift for putting me on a guilt trip. nothing is good enough as shes very dominating. i moved in from a family of 4 into a home 10ppl living here. and they r well off but all of them always in my room. i dealt with it well and took it in my stride. but i feel i get no appreciation for it. she does everything to suit herself.she didnt give me a bday gift even though on their bdays it was expected from me. its like they believe its their birth right without returning sentiments. basically if she says sit i must sit and if shes says go i should go. point is i dont mind makin her happy but ineed some appreciation. im done pleasing all the ppl. they r all insecure and refuse to let me become a part of the house. my husband is good and has tried in his own ways to help but i need to fight some of it myself. HELP!!!feel like im drowning. she suits herself for everything and rules change as per her wish. im in boarding school all over again!!

Answer 1

Get your own place and space. Moving in with any family, even your own, can be trying and hard to adjust to. If you didn't live in her home, you probably wouldn't have half these issues. Boundaries can be hard to set even when living in separate homes, but much harder when sharing.

Answer 2

Why are you still living there? If you have a husband you shouldn't be living with his family, or yours-this is America and the 21st century. Unless family is ill, or poor, there is no reason to be living under the same roof. When you get married it's to start a life together, which means if one thing doesn't work, you try something different. This isn't working so move on. If you stick around the problem will not go away regardless of what you do because you have made the mistake of letting it this far. She won't change, and that is ok. You will probably make her happier if you just left because you will have more energy to invest in it when you do see her, versus living with her.

I'm sorry to say - if your husband knows that you are feeling so horrible by his mothers actions, bad enough that you have to ask for advice on the internet, then he is not doing his job of taking care of you. He is getting his cake and eating it too.

Answer 3

The answer is to move out--with some people,you can never please them--no matter what you do--you will eventually come to this conclusion or will wind up getting divorced...You could stay there and be happy if you just accepted her rule--and mind you--that's what it is --her little kingdom where she is the ruler and you will have to step in line--so if you're okay with that--fine--otherwise--find a way to get out--your relationship with her will improve once you are out anyhow--hopefully--and if it doesn't--you will ahve les stress..be nice about it--but encourage your hubby to find a new job elsewhere--otherwise--you look for one--or something--find a reason to move away--and do it soon..don't make it about your MIL--if you do--you'll be wasting your time in arguments forever--defending accusing etc...just make a clean break while the beahvior ahs not gotten too dirty (on anyone's part--yet)--if you are stuck in a bad situation eventually people will act up--so before it happens--get out--and save all of the family relationships...some people just don't connect--that's how it is--accept it and move on instead of trying to fix the unworkable...Even if it's a cultural issue--move out--i know of people who tried to make it work for those resons--with some families it does work--but if the in-laws don't get along--it is doomed from the start..take a stand and let yourself be happy:)

Answer 4

I have been there and done that, so please listen to the voice of experience...GET OUT NOW,You do not owe this woman a single thing and I admire you for keeping the peace for as long as you have. I stood up to my mother in law when she blamed me for my husband's heart surgery ( when in fact it was due to an untreated heart arrhythmia from his childhood) since then I have heard very little if anything from her about my marriage or children and believe it or not my marriage is much better and no my husband still does not defend me when she bad mouths me to the relatives but I only have to deal with her a couple times a year when she visits and my husband has to take time off when she does plus she has a 3 day limit.

Answer 5

Can you move, your relationship will not grow being in that situation, I really feel for you, We just moved away from my MIL 3 months ago because she was the same way.. But also a user..I couldnt handle anymore I told him its her or me and I was serious, He always took up for me, and she was always in our bedroom inviting herself in, I bought a lock.. Still she didnt get the message knock on the door to come in...etc.. I had enough and moved, you would be best to get your own place before she ruins your relationship. Good Luck.

Answer 6

She sounds like a control freak. When you move out, it will be much better. I am sure your husband has tried to help but if you are living in her house that is a rough situation. How long are you going to have to be living there? Not long I hope.

Her not giving you a birthday gift is just plain being nasty. What a witch she is.

Answer 7

How sad! I feel for you. Is there any way you can move far away from your in-laws?. Hopefully your husband is backing you up on this situation. You both need your space, and pronto! Resentfulness only grows day by day and one day you will unleash it on your husband. Do something about it.

Best of luck!

Answer 8

tell your hubby that you need to get a place of your own and if he don't want to cuz he's too much of a momma's boy then find a place on your own and tell him he can move in with you again when he's grown up and ready to be a husband to you.

Answer 9

Have you and your hubby considered moving into your own place? As my mom used to say, "You can't have two queens living in one palace."

Answer 10

Why can't you just get away from your mother in law? I don't stay around people who continue to put me down, it's not good for the self-esteem factor.